Balance
by Andromakhe
Summary: <html><head></head>AU after "Within the Woods." Months of mourning and worrying for missing family have taken their toll on the turtles, April, and Casey. Can a team forged out of necessity find its own reason for being? Individuals will find that teamwork isn't just about missions but identity as well. Leo/Karai.</html>
1. Call

Disclaimer: Not claiming ownership of the Turtles. This is just done for fun and out of love for these characters and stories.

A/N: The idea for this fic came to me because of the first Turtles movie. The boys lose Splinter there, too, and the resulting communication was the most touching scene and my favorite in the movie. Also, I haven't done any research for this fic, so if anything is off or unrealistic, that's probably why. I hope people still enjoy the story.

Leo sat on a low cot in the barn, his cane propped against the wall beside it. After what happened with Raph and the Creep, he'd gotten the idea that maybe his medicine could be administered through IV as well. It clearly wasn't meant to be drunk. Leo was currently getting an infusion of the medicine, salt water, and sipping on some strawberry kiwi juice. He didn't feel much like eating but understood the wisdom in replacing fluids. Mikey would help out and bring soft foods for him - warm broth, oatmeal with bits of fruit, mashed potatoes with gravy and pieces of boiled chicken. Small meals throughout the day were better at this point for Leo, and Mikey was glad he could be useful. Leo, for his part, appreciated the gentleness and concern Mikey always showed him and did his best to eat most or all of the portions he was brought. Happily, he didn't throw up again after the incident with Raph, and the food was easy on his sore throat and battered body. Plus, for what it was, it tasted quite good.

When Leo wasn't connected to the IV and thus forced to remain relatively still, he and Raph would engage in makeshift physical therapy. It was a little embarrassing for Leo to be so weak, but Raph had complete faith in his full recovery. To Leo's surprise, Raph was patient and compassionate, helping him up if he fell and never uttering a word of sarcasm. Leo tired easily, and though Raph wanted to push him harder, he also saw that Leo really was working as hard as he could manage. Leave it to Leo to push himself to whatever his limit was. Mostly they worked on walking for longer and longer stretches. Leo was rather frustrated at the slow progress, but he grudgingly had to admit it was really all he could do for now and he just had to keep at it, the way he used to train with all aspects of ninjutsu. He'd be what he once was again; he knew it. So he bit back the frustration and continued the routine.

Leo spoke as little as possible and kept as much distance as he could from April, Casey, and even Donnie. For one, he didn't want to deal with their petty romantic squabble, but the deeper reason was that he blamed them for the loss of their lair, Master Splinter's possible (probable) death, and a missed opportunity to bring Karai home. Yes, Leo knew this was not exactly fair, which is why he said nothing to anyone until about the third or fourth day after encountering the Creep. Leo could feel the negative effect his hidden resentment was having on his mood. He knew that it had to be dealt with somehow, but that required meditation and alone time. No disturbances until he was good and ready.

So after breakfast and another dose of medicine, Leo found Raph and told him he didn't feel like working and could they do it in the afternoon? He explained that everything he and his brothers had lost was finally catching up to him and he was beginning to feel weighed down by sorrow and frustration. He wanted time to meditate with some tea and sort the emotions out.

Raph shook his head at the meditation comment but could certainly understand Leo's emotional turmoil. He'd already gone through it three months ago. And while no one in the house was really dealing well, they were at least functioning again. How could Raph deny such a legitimate request? So he told Leo they could take the day off and resume the next day, to which Leo smiled gratefully and holed himself in the bathroom. He set his tea on the edge of the sink and began scrubbing the tub on his hands and knees. He figured if anyone wanted to actually use it, a thorough cleaning and disinfection was in order, and he didn't think anyone had gotten around to it yet. He worked in stops and starts, sipping tea occasionally during breaks, and made steady progress.

A few hours later and Leo had finished with the tub and put the cleaning things away. He carefully sat on a cushion on the floor with his back to the tub, eyes closing as he let himself feel the emotions he'd been holding in.

First came overwhelming grief as the magnitude of his current situation hit him. He was beaten to within an inch of his life by both the Shredder and the Kraang; he and his family were forced to depend on Casey and April for shelter, food, transportation, and concealment; he now bore the additional burden of not only being team leader but also leader of the Hamato clan; he had no idea how to take Splinter's place; and he just plain missed the lair. The house was too quiet, and while he did like the trees and the seclusion, the place just wasn't home without Sensei. He also didn't feel safe. However slim the chance, the wrong people could discover them.

Then came anger and annoyance. In the sewers, the family scavenged and cobbled together a home, but they could truly call it theirs. Maybe water and electricity didn't technically belong to them, but since the city needed those things to function, no one really saw the harm in using it as well. And then April brought Kraang Subprime to the lair, he and Donnie wasted time arguing, and Casey was more concerned about goofing off than finding Karai. Leo hated that he couldn't allow himself to be well and truly furious with all three of them because he owed them his life. Though it would have been nice if Donnie had just obeyed his instructions and gone with Mikey to find Raph without whining to him about April and Casey.

He got up and kicked the door, then sat back down with a defeated sigh. What good was rage and blame? It didn't really change his or his family's current situation. And what could he really do about it? Nothing. He was, for all intents and purposes, disabled. For his warrior's heart, that hurt most of all. He was the reason his family was stuck here and not already seeking Sensei or even his body.

A tentative knock and a hesitant, "Dude, are you okay in there?" made Leo smile despite himself.

"Come in if you want, Mikey," Leo called, not bothering to get up. "You need to use this thing?"

Mikey opened the door and stepped in. "Nah, dude. Just thought maybe you fell or some-" He spotted Leo on the floor and gasped, holding out his hand. "Oh, man. You need help?" His voice was tinged with concern as his eyes widened.

Leo smiled kindly and shook his head. "It's all right, Mikey. I'm down here on purpose. Trying to meditate."

"Oh." Mikey shifted from foot to foot nervously and then looked at the tub. "Hey, did you clean up the tub? Raph said you were in here and didn't want to be bothered 'cause you needed time alone to, you know, think. But it's been some time and I thought you should eat and then I heard a thump coming from here."

"Can I eat in here?" Leo queried. "I still don't really want to talk to people. And yeah, I worked on the tub. Figured since I was using it for so long, I may as well clean it."

"I would have helped, you know, or even cleaned it by myself. It's not your fault you were stuck in there. And yeah, I'll bring your food here. Want me to take the tea stuff, too, or make you some more?"

Leo smiled again. "More tea would be nice. And it's okay. Cleaning the tub gave me a workout anyway. By my current standards, that is."

Mikey grinned. "I like your attitude, bro. I'll be back soon." Mikey left the bathroom but left the door ajar, since he wouldn't be long. Eventually, he returned with a tray containing a teapot, a mug, and a cold turkey sandwich. "Hope this is okay. I know you can eat by yourself now, and I guess you haven't meditated yet, so I'll leave you alone. Come get me or someone if you need anything, yeah?" Mikey set the tray on the covered toilet and backed out with a small wave, his other hand beginning to pull the door shut.

"Sure thing," Leo acknowledged, sliding himself toward his meal with a combination of hands and feet. "Thanks, Mikey, for all this service. You've been a big help."

"Don't mention it, dude," Mikey grinned, closing the door with a click.

Leo ate slowly, happy to finally get some solid food. Much as he hated Mikey's tendency to lose focus and be too spontaneous, he knew that Mikey also had incredible emotional intelligence and creative ideas. Leo finished his sandwich and drank his tea, feeling much more calm and cheerful and prepared for whatever meditation would bring. He needed to work out how they'd get back to New York and be safe there, whether he should send people ahead to check out what things were like, if they should all go together, if they should try to build a new home elsewhere first and then go back.

He immediately rejected the idea of building a home elsewhere without first trying to find everyone's lost families. No one would be able to concentrate without having definitive knowledge of the status of their kin.

Sending people ahead to New York sounded good. Raph and Casey would probably want to be doing something physical, something that allowed them to move and not feel too much. Maybe he could send April with them. Her growing intuitive talents, honed by Sensei, could be useful to Casey and Raph. He, Donnie, and Mikey could remain here in case Master Splinter or Karai somehow found them. Wait, who was he kidding? How, even assuming both were alive, would they know to come to the house?

He really favored the idea of splitting up. If all of them went together, then it could be that all of them got hurt and no one survived to find family remnants or discover their fates. But much as he wanted to send people for answers now, he knew the reality was that to do so when he himself was in no condition to fight would be irresponsible and dangerous. No, for now, everyone had to wait. But he hated having no information.

Leo scooted back and reclined against the wall, legs crossed, one arm resting on the edge of the tub with his eyes shut. Having a rudimentary plan in place, he found it easy to shove aside all emotion and plunge into the familiar peace of the space between thought and instinct, where sensory filters disappeared and he was aware of the spiritual. He felt those in the house - Raph, Mikey, and April. He found Casey and Donnie in the barn. Good. Nothing seemed amiss. And then he thought of Sensei, of meditation sessions with him just because he enjoyed them. He and Sensei understood the value of holding still, of listening and sensing that which the physical couldn't reach. To be a balanced leader, he knew, he had to pay attention to both his combat training and the disciplining of his mind and intuition.

Unbeknownst to Leo, his spirit had drifted far from home. The yearnings of his very core had taken him to the astral plane, a place he had been before, but not alone. Sensei had always been with him. It was dangerous to go without supervision if you didn't know what you were doing. Leo held tightly to a mental image of his father, calling to him periodically. And then he was jolted back to reality as he heard Splinter answer, "Leonardo."


	2. Response

Leo scrambled to his feet as fast as he could and grabbed his cane, not bothering to pick up his finished tray as he whipped open the door and called to Mikey, April, and Raph. He limped into the hallway and leaned against a wall as Mikey and April came bounding upstairs.

"Leo?" Mikey asked curiously.

"What's happened? April put in.

Raph stopped at the top of the stairs, listening, watching, but not coming closer in case he wasn't really needed.

"Sensei," Leo smiled happily. "I heard him. He's alive."

Mikey gasped excitedly. "Really? You know where he is? Does he know where we are?"

April looked thoughtful. Her instincts told her Leo could well have heard Master Splinter, but her logical brain couldn't fathom how her Sensei could have survived being thrown into a whirlpool. She frowned, unable to say what she thought and break Leo's heart. She needn't have bothered trying to be nice.

Raph shook his head, his expression skeptical. "I know what I saw, Leo. I don't see any way Master Splinter could have made it. And we all know how close you were to him. Maybe you just imagined it. I mean, it's been three months and nothing."

"No, Raph," Leo stated firmly, eyes sparking. "I know what I heard." To Mikey, "Unfortunately, Father's voice jolted me out of meditation and I lost concentration. So I wasn't able to tell him where we are or ask where he is."

Raph looked unconvinced. "Still doesn't make any sense to me, Leo. But I wanna search the sewers somehow for remains, if nothing else. Sensei deserves a tribute."

Leo frowned but nodded grudgingly. He understood why April and Raph were hesitant to believe him. He wasn't sure he'd believe it if someone said the same thing and he couldn't verify it for himself. But Mikey spoke up, glaring at Raph.

"Raph, you know Leo's the best at meditation out of all of us. Donnie can't make his brain shut up, I can't focus, and you just don't like it. Plus, why would Leo lie? If he says Sensei's alive, I believe him. He wouldn't have said it if he wasn't sure."

Leo smiled at Mikey in gratitude.

"Donnie and Casey will probably agree with me," Raph put in, "so don't bother telling them. Leo, you know how I am. I don't sugarcoat things. So I can't tell you I believe you when I don't. I'm sorry." And Raph truly did look sorry.

Leo inclined his head. "It's okay, Raph. Sometimes, you have no tact, but I appreciate that you can't lie to me. It's how you are with everyone. One always knows where one stands with you, and I respect that about you."

Raph approached Leo, slapped him on the shoulder, nodded an acknowledgement, and headed back downstairs.

"I'm going to see if I can contact Sensei again. Mikey, come with me."

"Good luck," April murmured softly before heading downstairs as well.

"Are you sure, Leo? You know I won't last five minutes."

"If you want to talk to Sensei, you will," Leo smirked craftily. "Now wait for me in your room and try to be calm."

Mikey scampered off and did as he was told, something Leo greatly appreciated. He collected his cushion from the bathroom and closed Mikey's door behind him, settling himself on the floor with his shell to the bed. Then, a thought occurred to him. "Mikey, you might want to use the bathroom. This could take a while."

"Hey, good idea. Okay, be right back."

When Mikey returned, Leo was already drifting away. Mikey grabbed a pillow off his bed and sat down next to him, shyly taking his hand. Leo smiled approvingly.

"That's right, Mikey. Anchor yourself with physical contact. Think of me and Sensei. Keep our images in your mind. When you have a good hold on us, let go of reality and follow me. Understand?"

"Yep." This was familiar and Mikey knew how to do what was expected. Soon, he could sense Leo's steady spirit next to him and felt Leo mentally grip him by the shoulder and then think better of it and put an arm around both of them, moving consciously toward where he'd heard Splinter.

Mikey realized he could sense presences that he didn't recognize. He stopped, suddenly afraid. He could not remember ever being able to feel anyone other than his family. "Leo?" he mentally called timidly.

"Right beside you," came Leo's immediate answer.

"Have you ever been here? Why are there so many strangers here? And where is here?"

"We have to be here because it's where I found Sensei. And yes, I've been here with him before. We're on the astral plane. This is why I said to stay close to me and keep me in mind. Do you trust me?"

"Absolutely." Mikey was certain and did not hesitate in his reply.

"Then let's call to Sensei. Our spirits will know where to go."

They took turns calling, and then Mikey felt the familiar presence draw near and touch him.

"Leonardo, you brought Michelangelo this time. He is a welcome sight."

"Yes, Father," Leo nodded. "He was the only one who believed I'd met you, apparently just because I said so. April seems like a good candidate to escort here, but not sure about the others. I know it's important that those who come here completely trust their guides, and I know for a fact Raph and Donnie don't trust me enough. Casey's not even trained to meditate, so he's out of the question."

"April," Splinter stroked his beard thoughtfully. "She has astounding aptitude for this kind of thing, but I do not think you should bring her here. She can meditate easily. She barely has to work at it. But she is a unique case and I'm unsure how coming here would affect her, even considering her trust in you. It is too risky, my son. We will just have to wait to see each other."

"I'm not trained enough to deal with possible mishaps?" Leo asked.

"Not yet, my son," Splinter answered gently, touching Leo's shoulder comfortingly. "In any case, I would not feel comfortable unless you and I were there together to protect her."

Leo nodded gravely.

"Michelangelo, it is good to see you. How are you, and how is everyone else? From what Leonardo says, I am not likely to see them until we meet physically. Oh, and where are you?"

"Sensei!" Mikey cried happily, throwing his arms around him enthusiastically. Splinter smiled warmly and chuckled softly, putting both arms around his exuberant son. "We're in Northampton, New York. It's April's farmhouse. Donnie made a medicine for Leo, to help him heal faster. Casey spends time fixing the truck in the barn. Donnie's using the barn as a lab. Raph and Casey look for firewood. Sometimes, they hunt, too. I've been doing chores with April around the house and I've sort of taken over the kitchen. Leo's, well, working to get stronger with Raph and I guess meditating like he used to do back home. Kraang droids, Foot bots, archers, FishFace, Rahzar, Tiger Claw and the Shredder really hurt him." Mikey blinked back tears and whispered the next part of his story almost inaudibly. "He was thrown threw April's window and his shell got cracked." Mikey began to sob quietly. "We didn't know if…We didn't know if he'd make it."

Splinter let go of Michelangelo abruptly and Leo held him against his chest, a hand on each of his brother's shoulders. Leo noticed the stricken, anguished look in their father's eyes, and both boys felt the raw emotion not their own. They saw it in lowered ears, drooping whiskers, an agitatedly swishing tail. "Leonardo," he murmured hoarsely, "how is it you got into such danger? Didn't you stay with the others?"

"Um," Leo hesitated, "I meant to stay with them, but Donnie and I couldn't agree on how to go about escaping, and that cost us time. We were attacked and I decided I'd draw off some of the enemy. The battle moved to an ambush set by the Shredder. By then, I had no choice but to fight as best I could. I just remember hoping it'd be enough, that you and the others would make it out of the city and to somewhere safe."

"You did not think it might be a trap?" Splinter scolded sharply.

Mikey wiped at his eyes and shook his head, looking at Splinter pleadingly. "It was chaos. Leo was only trying to do what he thought was right. We had to get topside to drive away. Maybe he thought it'd be faster to do that if he took on that canon fodder by himself."

Leo nodded. "I wanted to rejoin the others, but I couldn't seem to destroy the Foot bots and Kraang droids efficiently enough. I couldn't lead our enemies to April's apartment, since that would defeat the purpose of my taking them on in the first place. Maybe it was the wrong decision, but it made sense at the time."

Splinter sighed. "Leonardo, how can I stay angry when your heart is always in the right place? I cannot even say that I would not have done as you had. I was not angry with you, my son. Not really. Just unspeakably horrified."

"I understand, Sensei. I felt your exact emotion. I know I'm lucky to still be alive. I'm severely weakened, but not permanently injured. I'm sure I'll be able to fight again one day. Hopefully just like before."

"Hopefully? Of course, you will be as you were. You are too disciplined and persevering not to meet and even exceed your previous level of skill. I expect you to succeed, Leonardo. You should expect it of yourself."

"Hai, sensei," Leo said solemnly. "If I did it once, I can do it again, and learn new things on top of it."

Splinter squeezed Leo's shoulder firmly, and the brothers saw the warmth and affection in his brown eyes.

"Where are you, Sensei?" Leo asked. "And have you seen Karai by any chance?"

"Karai and I have been moving at night. We have been traveling underground as much as possible. I am not really sure where we are, to be honest. We just keep moving to try to avoid being found. We did not know how to go about tracking you, no idea where to begin looking. Karai and I have been meditating to see if we could sense you. Needless to say, it has finally paid off. Either we are getting closer to you or this is the first time any of you have tried to contact us through meditation."

"Uh, that'd be the second option," Mikey chimed in. "We never thought to try meditating. I didn't know it was possible to talk this way. Leo was the only one who knew and he's been sleeping a few months."

"What?" Splinter exploded.

Leo winced.

"Oh, I didn't mention that?" Mikey inquired innocently. "Yeah, like I said, we weren't sure if he'd make it."

"So that explains why you sound different, Leonardo. The Shredder. Now it is personal," Splinter growled. "It was bad enough when Karai was mutated, but at least, she was unharmed. He nearly killed you! Whatever vestige of friendship I used to feel toward Oroku Saki is no more." His ears flattened, he showed his teeth, and he hissed, rat instincts temporarily overriding his humanity.

Leo shook his head frantically, eyes widening in fear. "But Father, the vengeance has to stop somewhere. Come on. I'm in no position to lead the clan. Not yet. None of us are fully trained ninja yet, either. I don't like the Shredder, but we really can't afford to lose you at this point. The Shredder will come to us one day again. Let us recover as we can and wait for him."

Splinter smiled proudly at Leonardo. "You are wise beyond your years, my son. You always were. I sometimes forget how young you are. I remember soon enough when you become overconfident, but truly, I did not choose you as leader just because you asked. However, it is better to have a leader who actually wants the job." He chuckled and Leo smirked.

"Then your only candidates would have been me and Raph," Leo nodded with certainty.

"Raphael's lack of social skills did give you an edge, if I am being truthful," Splinter quipped.

"Understatement," Mikey muttered.

"Not really," Leo replied. "Sensei was just being diplomatic about it."

Mikey laughed appreciatively.

"Leonardo, Karai has your knife. The one I found in the head of a Kraang. I thought you would not mind if I gave it to her."

Leo smiled. "Not at all. One day, I'll try to contact her. But for now, I should break the connection. I don't want Mikey to get stranded here and this takes some energy to maintain."

"Of course, my son. I am sorry. I forgot. You are strong here. You do not really seem injured."

Leo waved a hand dismissively.

"But one thing more before you go," Splinter continued, laying a hand on Leo and Mikey's shoulders, "Michelangelo, take care of Leonardo's spirit. I am entrusting you with this task. Your brothers will ensure Leonardo's physical health, but it does not mean he will not become discouraged or bad-tempered. You must be patient, loyal, supportive, and most of all, caring. This is a very important job, because without an intact spirit, physical care does not mean much. Do you accept the responsibility, my son?"

Mikey stood as tall as he could and looked directly into his dad's eyes. "Hai, Sensei. Both of you can count on me. I'll give it my all."

"Be well, my sons. Karai and I will see our way to Northampton. Then, perhaps you can pick us up somewhere in your truck. Or we can find out where we are and you can pick us up. We can discuss it later, Leonardo."

"Hai, Sensei," Leo murmured, bowing low in preparation to leave. Mikey imitated the move belatedly.

Splinter returned the bow and vanished, and Leo imagined the house and opened his eyes to Mikey's awed expression and his little brother's hand lying limp in his own.

"Dude," Mikey breathed, "that was…That was wow. Why didn't you tell us meditation could be used like that, for that?"

Leo looked tiredly at Michelangelo. "It was something Splinter only showed me. He said the rest of you weren't…ready. He never forbade me from mentioning it, but I never saw a real point because one shouldn't do that kind of thing just for fun. You have to have a certain degree of meditative skill, too, or else there's the risk you can be stuck there. And children should never go there, so no one is trained in this technique until at least teen years."

"I think I get it," Mikey nodded. "Way dangerous for anyone to purposely go to the spirit plane without the right amount of ability. Are some spirits dangerous?"

"Yes," Leo nodded. "Aside from the risk of getting lost there, some of the residents are unfriendly. It's like a wilderness you have to learn to survive in and navigate. But you can also help friends and family using more advanced training than I've been given thus far. I have some idea of what can be done, but it would not be safe for me to do anything like that without Sensei, for me or anyone I was attempting to aid."

Mikey nodded soberly. "I feel so much better knowing Sensei's okay. He'll be here soon. We never did ask him how he survived the sewer drain."

Leo got up and stretched, Mikey doing the same. "It's not immediately important. He may as well tell us when he gets here." Leo covered a yawn with a hand and Mikey proffered his cane. Leo shook his head and sat on Mikey's bed. "Can I borrow this?" He patted the bed, his eyes laughing. "Think I need a nap."

Mikey smiled and patted Leo on the arm. "As long as you need, bro. Thanks for taking me with you to see Sensei."

"Was a pleasure." Leo stretched out on the bed and Mikey covered his torso and legs with his blanket, sliding his pillow under Leo's head. With a few final pats to Leo's shoulder, Mikey left the room, closing the door silently.


	3. Arguments and Counsel

While Leo and Mikey sat in meditation, April headed out to the barn to talk to Donnie and Casey. Raph came as well. Since he wasn't busy working with Leo, he figured he should spend time with Casey. Besides, it's not like he had anything better to do.

"Donnie, Casey," April called as Raph closed the barn door and walked further in with her.

"Over here," Donnie waved from his lab.

"Hey, Red," Casey said cheerfully, leaning against the truck. Raph came over beside him.

"Leo says he's heard from Master Splinter," April said casually, smiling equally happily.

Donnie froze and blinked in confusion. Casey just raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"Yeah," Raph put in, "somehow connected with meditation, I think. Leo said that's what he was doing before he called us all excited."

"I don't understand," Donnie mumbled. "But we all want to believe he's still alive."

"Yeah. I told Leo that. But you'd better not say it. He'll get mad."

"Maybe his mind's playing tricks on him," Donnie said quietly.

"Don't say that, either," Raph warned. "His eyes hardened when I said that. Like, it actually touched a nerve. Like he was insulted."

April chimed in. "I know I haven't been trained much in ninjutsu or meditation, but I do have a talent for mental exercises like that. Sensei said my mind is powerful and that I can hear things he can't. Maybe it's my Kraang mutation. But I'm inclined to believe Leo. I know it's possible to hear real voices. You guys just don't trust him because you've never experienced it. But think about the Rat King, or how I could hear the Kraang having a meeting. Leo's not like Mikey. I think he did hear Sensei."

"April makes a good case," Donnie nodded to Raph. "Admittedly, when it comes to the spiritual, she's better than me. But it still defies logic. How did Leo hear him?"

"I don't know," April answered. "We never thought to ask. Raph and I just turned him away. Only Mikey believed him from the get-go. Maybe if we'd had more faith, Leo would have had time to tell us."

"I don't believe in meditation. What good is that?" Casey scoffed. "Sitting around pondering the universe and pretending to do something. It's all talk and no reality."

"Hey!" everyone snapped simultaneously. Raph, to his own surprise, rounded on Casey and actually drew one of his sai, glaring daggers. April's lips pursed into a thin line and she fiddled with her tessan, as though deciding whether or not to swing at Casey's head. In the end, she folded it, but Raph's sai was still raised and pointed at Casey's chest. Donnie stood and came to stand by Raph, though he did not move to threaten with his staff.

"You know, Casey, even I know better than to say that, and that's saying something," Raph growled. "You've just managed to insult a bunch of ninja. Not a smart move. I really don't know why I haven't killed you yet. Maybe 'cause I'd have to tell Leo, and he doesn't need any more stress just now."

"Didn't you hear a word April said?" Donnie put in. "Meditation has equal value in ninjutsu to combat. You've insulted not only us, but Sensei and the art itself. Leo would say you've insulted our honor. Raph really is within his rights to at least injure you, and I can't believe I'm saying that."

April opened her tessan and whacked Casey on the temple, making sure it would hurt. "Idiot."

Raph turned his sai's hilt toward Casey, clearly wanting to hit him in the head as well, but just heaved a sigh and put it away. "Don't bother, Donnie. Maybe we should…go and meditate." He smirked. "It's useful for times like these, when all you really want to do is beat a friend to a pulp." Raph grabbed Donnie by the arm and pulled him toward the house, slamming the barn door in the process.

The sound of April's tessan closing broke the awkward silence. She found she had no words. She couldn't muster a single mocking jab or angry retort. She just stared at Casey's bruise a long moment and said, "You deserved that" before turning her back on him and leaving, closing the door quietly.

Casey stood alone, wondering for the first time if he really fit in. Sure, he thought ninja were cool and mutant ninja more so. But he'd managed to tick off Raph and April, his closest links to the Hamato family, and in a major way. He'd messed up big, and he found the prospect of losing them scared and saddened him, somehow even more than the loss of his true family. Maybe because in some way, he expected that his dad and sister would not escape the Kraang. If he lost April and the Turtles, he'd have no one. Sighing dejectedly, he left the barn and headed into the woods, trudging aimlessly with his head bowed.

Donnie and Raph sat at the dining table, still fuming. When April joined them a couple minutes later, they didn't even acknowledge her.

"And Leo calls me tactless," Raph grumbled, glowering at the tabletop.

"It's a good thing he wasn't there to see that," Donnie put in.

"He'd probably have gotten in my way," Raph muttered. "Then I'd probably have shoved him, totally forgetting he's injured. Yeah, it's good he wasn't there."

"But I'm sure he'd have been angry, too," Donnie said.

Raph just grunted an assent.

Mikey chose this moment to come downstairs. He'd heard Raph and Donnie's voices but wasn't able to make out what was being discussed. He found the little group at the table and smiled at them. When he got only a weak smile from April, a curt nod from Donnie, and incoherent growling from Raph, he paused and looked more closely at them. It was then the tension became clear. "Uh…What's wrong, guys? I know this isn't my fault 'cause I haven't pranked any of you in weeks."

No one reacted. Raph just motioned Mikey to have a seat, which he did.

"Um, before we start talking, keep it down, huh? Leo's sleeping. I think cleaning the tub and talking to Sensei with me tired him out."

Raph and Donnie focused intently on Mikey with identical looks of intrigue. April smiled genuinely at Mikey and smirked at Raph and Donnie. Mikey just looked confused before realization dawned and he nodded to his brothers. "Yeah. Sensei's alive and well, and he's with Karai."

"But how?" Donnie asked, sounding frustrated.

"And how did Leo contact him, much less bring you with him?" Raph added.

"I dunno how Sensei survived. Leo says it's not important right now and we can get that answer later. Leo spoke to Sensei on the astral plane. He acted as my guard, 'cause the place is dangerous if you're not trained. Your spirit can get stuck or injured there, so everyone just learning how to get there goes with someone."

"Astral plane?" April piped up. "You mean, that's a real thing? A place where spirits go if they leave their homes?"

"Yeah," Mikey answered. "But you can will your spirit to go there. In this case, Leo purposely sent his spirit there to seek Sensei. He told me to follow him, and I knew he knew what he was doing."

"Sometimes, I can feel your presences when I meditate," April mused. "Is that what it is?"

"Nah, dudette. That's regular meditation. We can all do that. The astral plane is…Well, the way I experienced it, it's totally mental. It's mind to mind. There's nothing to see or smell or touch. It's a confusing crackle of energy, from everywhere, but your spirit can focus on what it wants to. Like hearing dozens of conversations and being able to pick out the voices you know."

Donnie and April looked fascinated. Raph looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"Of course, the spirits project actions, emotions and words, and somehow, it gets felt physically. It's hard to explain. The plane itself is just energy, but the mind communication gets translated into the echo of something physical. Like, Sensei's spirit touched my spirit, and somehow, it got translated by my mind as Sensei touching my shoulder and I could imagine how it felt. It was like I could read Sensei's intent."

"So how did Leo get there?" Raph asked. "I mean, he went there by himself. What if he got hurt or something?"

"He wouldn't have gotten hurt," Mikey said confidently, "Sensei taught him how to contact people there. Leo says other things can be done from there to help friends and family. I'm guessing, for example, if a friend's spirit needs healing or someone like the Rat King's attacking them. If you're taught to enter the astral plane and how to help, it would make it easier for whoever needs the help."

"Huh, like a spiritual doctor?" Donnie said curiously. "April, maybe you'd be good at that. Sounds useful. If we'd known how to help Sensei with the Rat King, perhaps it wouldn't have gotten out of hand."

"I certainly have the potential to do that," April nodded. "But Sensei never taught me to enter the plane. I thought he had more faith in me."

"Maybe you don't have enough skill in meditation to start that training. Leo said it's the reason Sensei hasn't taught us guys yet. But Sensei also said you had raw talent but was concerned about how the plane would affect you. He seemed to be afraid you might experience it differently somehow and he wants to be there with Leo in case something goes wrong. Leo wanted to take you, April. He said he was sure you'd have trusted him. Sensei is just being careful."

April, Donnie, and Raph stared down at the table guiltily. Mikey didn't have to see them directly to know that was the emotion they felt. _Good,_ he thought with satisfaction. _They should feel bad. As leader, Leo deserves better. _After letting the silence drag on for several moments, Mikey continued his story.

"Anyway, Sensei knows we're in Northampton. He's thinking we can pick him and Karai up at some meeting point, to be hashed out with Leo. Sensei doesn't know where he and Karai are 'cause they've just been moving anywhere to avoid capture. But he and Karai have been trying to contact us through meditation. Obviously, it didn't work 'cause Leo wasn't available. When Sensei heard how close Leo was to dying, you should have felt the pain. It's like no grief I've ever felt. I mean it. It's indescribable. Just so deep, like his very spirit was close to breaking. And speaking of spirits, Sensei has charged me with looking after Leo's. So if I hear you guys are giving him a hard time, I'm obligated to do something about it. And you know how I am when my bros are on the line. Not saying you gotta be super nice, but maybe listen to him without talking back sometimes?" He glared pointedly at Donnie, who actually looked away and flinched. April looked away from everyone, hiding her face in embarrassment.

"I think I covered everything. What was wrong with you guys when I came downstairs? You all seemed really angry. I mean, I couldn't even make you smile."

Raph growled. "Casey doesn't believe in meditation, in its value or power. Said it's just people sitting around doing nothing. Doing nothing? Leo's going to get Sensei here one day. Casey's so narrow-minded."

Mikey frowned. "That's not cool. Though I can't say I'm all that surprised. It's kind of sad to me. Casey's limiting his own potential to be a greater fighter by ignoring the spiritual. I mean, yeah, I thought the physical was more valuable, too. But after today, I'm starting to see why Sensei's so powerful and why he forced us to learn to meditate, even when we didn't have the patience for it. And yeah, we're all gonna see Sensei again. We just need a time and place."

"Psychological warfare," Donnie mused. "It did a number on Sensei, and he's strong. Maybe Leo's got the right idea to learn to use it and defend against it. But you guys know I can't calm down enough to meditate. I don't know how to stop thinking."

"Dude, you have to just feel. You know, just go with the flow. Like using nunchaku." Mikey demonstrated enthusiastically, grinning. "You think I think about it when I use them? No. I just know they'll do what I need them to, what I tell them to. I think, Donnie, you're trying too hard to not think. The harder you try, the harder it gets. You have to learn to roll with it."

"Man, that's deep, Mikey. Spending too much time with Leo, I think. Picking up his teaching methods," Raph smirked.

"Dude, like you would say, I call it like I see it. Donnie always looks to the past or the future. He never just lives in the moment. He's always worried about some possible outcome that might not even happen. So he can't relax enough to meditate."

"But it's useful to remember the past and think about the future. You never think about consequences, Mikey. You're like Raph that way."

"Worrying about consequences can get you killed," Raph snarled.

"And not worrying about them can get other people killed," Donnie shot back.

Raph glowered at Donnie, but found he could not refute that.

April looked at each brother uneasily, then decided to stay out of it. She got up and headed outside to check on the chickens. Mikey noticed her leaving but said nothing.

Leo glided downstairs silently and slowly, careful to keep his cane quiet. He stopped at the seat vacated by April, which happened to be next to Mikey and across from Donnie, and took a seat. He met Mikey's gaze with a raised brow, then glanced at Raph and Donnie neutrally.

"Sorry, dude," Michelangelo apologized softly to Leo. "I told them to be quiet. I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

Leo shook his head slightly. "We're never quiet unless all of us happen to be sleeping at the same time. It's fine. I slept enough, anyway. Could use a bit more, but that can wait till tonight."

Donnie cut in. "Raph thinks it's better to be spontaneous. I think it's better to plan. What do you think, Leo? I'm sure Mikey agrees with Raph."

"Ooh, awkward position," Leo sighed. "I'm afraid I have to be like Sensei and not pick a side. That is to say, both methods are useful depending on the situation."

"Leo, you can't sit on the fence," Raph complained.

"I'm not," Leo sighed again, a touch exasperated. "Donnie asked for my opinion. I'm not just going to say something to humor you guys."

"You can't have it both ways," Raph pressed.

"Yes, you can," Leo muttered. "Man, if coming down here was going to get me in the crossfire…Oh well. Too late."

"Leo," Donnie spoke up, "You're a tactician, right? A strategist? Doesn't that take planning?"

"Yeah. A great deal of planning. And alternative planning. So you have to come up with a few different plans to suit various possible scenarios."

Donnie smiled triumphantly. "See? Leo thinks about the future and the past as well."

"Sure. You think of the past so as not to repeat mistakes. Hopefully. You look to the possible futures in order to keep people safe and to be prepared for any eventuality. You know your team and your enemies as well as you can and try to predict what they'll do and to use the team's skills and strengths and guard against weaknesses."

"Man," Mikey groaned, "too much thinking."

Leo chuckled. Donnie smiled and even Raph smirked.

"Yeah, but when you were trying to escape the sewers and got held up and caught by the Kraang, Leo didn't just stand there freaking out that whatever his original plan was had just gone to hell. He leapt into the fray and changed plans on the fly. Donnie, you'd have just panicked. Heck, even I would have panicked."

"Thereby proving my point," Leo smirked smugly, "you can indeed have it both ways. You must, in fact, in order to lead effectively. Admittedly, whenever possible, I prefer to plan. I feel safer that way. But one always has to keep in mind that plans are just that. There's no guarantee your enemy isn't going to throw you for a loop or do something you didn't consider or didn't realize they could do. And then, you have to incorporate the new data into your strategy or retreat and regroup."

Raph and Donnie mulled this over. "Now I feel bad for getting on Leo for making us run away before," Raph whispered, his voice going higher in genuine discomfort.

Donnie bowed his head and couldn't look at Leo. "Raph, you and I argue with Leo just because we want things our way. We're thinking only of ourselves. Leo almost died so we could live. It's pride, plain and simple, that makes us argue with or disobey him. I was more important than all of you. I didn't care that delaying our escape could possibly kill us. I just wanted to play with my new toy."

"It was a pretty dangerous toy," Leo murmured. "But I was concerned about its stability. Getting out in the open would at least have given us more room to maneuver. We were already running. We already had momentum. Then we lost it when you stopped us. But I'm partly to blame, too. I should have just said, 'Shut up and do as I say.' I engaged in a battle that was stupid and a waste of energy. Perhaps I, too, was guilty of pride."

"Hey," Mikey grinned, "you basically said 'just do it' when Donnie complained about Casey and April alone together. I mean, you repeated your command, but the meaning was clear." Mikey laughed happily. "I think you learned your lesson."

Now Donnie blushed and withdrew into his shell, absolutely mortified.

"Damn. I wish I saw that." Raph laughed.

"Yeah, dude. I was like, 'Busted.' I could almost hear Leo. 'What? You're complaining about that when Raph could be in danger?'"

Leo exhaled sharply threw his nose as his jaw clenched. "There was also a reason I paired you guys as I did. Donnie and Casey together would have been a disaster. No focus on the mission. April cares about Raph and would have kept Casey on task if he got too distracted by her. Plus, her excellent intuition would have been helpful to warn of danger, since Casey is not a ninja. You, Mikey, served a similar purpose to April. Your reliance on your senses and your attitude of living in the now would have kept Donnie safe. Or so the theory went."

Mikey nodded and Raph looked at Leo with open respect.

"And we all know why Donnie wasn't paired with April," Raph quipped contemptuously.

Leo nodded. "He loses focus. And that's the last thing anyone needs. It's kind of ironic, because Donnie is so focused otherwise."

Donnie got up sadly and withdrew back to his lab without a word or glance at anyone. He didn't even try to defend himself against Raph's clear criticism. Leo looked at his retreating shell worriedly but did not move to stop him.

"Maybe we pushed it too far," Mikey squeaked.

"I guess I'll have to talk to him," Leo muttered irritably."Obligations."

Raph spoke up. "I wish April would just come out and say she's not into Donnie in that way. Then he could move on. This is getting ridiculous. Leo, why should you have to pick up pieces when everything we're saying is undeniable fact? Donnie's gotta get over it or April's gotta be straight with him."

"Uh, Raph?" Mikey warned. "I think April heard you." Indeed. April had appeared behind Raph. Leo noticed her as well, but gave no indication that it mattered.

"So what?" Raph challenged. "If I didn't wanna be overheard, I wouldn't have said it in a public area. Tired of what it's doing to our team, to Donnie, to Leo, to us. Hell, at least with Karai, she's our sister and she clearly chose Leo. If she were part of our team, she and Leo would probably be an amazing fighting force or he could use her skills in deception or her snake abilities to enhance us. This thing with Donnie and April and Casey makes us unstable. Leo shouldn't have to factor what will happen if he pairs Donnie with Casey or April. It's holding us back, crippling our potential. I'm sick of having to deal with it."

"For once," Leo muttered slowly, "I'm in complete agreement with Raph."

"Dude," Mikey breathed. "April, you've managed to unite them. Better watch out. Raph and Leo are scary when they're working together."

"It's not my fault Donnie has a crush on me," April retorted, meeting Raph's challenge. "It's not my fault Casey does, either. Donnie's so intelligent, and I love that. But Casey's…well…he's just fun to be around. Ice skating, dancing, even riding mutant animals. And Casey's the only other human I can really talk to about you guys and Sensei. But honestly, I think I need someone who's a little of both - academic and still able to be impulsive. Neither Donnie nor Casey fits that. But I don't want to lose them as friends and I don't want to hurt them, either."

"So your choice is neither?" Leo asked carefully.

"Yeah, I guess." April nodded.

"So why are you leading them on?" Raph sneered. "Especially Donnie?"

Leo reached across the table and lay a warning hand on Raph's forearm. "I don't think she'd string those guys along on purpose. But she said it's fear that has kept her from being honest with both of them. And I guess I can see why. Donnie and Casey would probably be devastated to be told in no uncertain terms that they basically aren't good enough. If Karai showed up one day and said she found another guy…" Leo winced and grimaced. "Heck, Raph. Even if she said she preferred you to me, it'd hurt. No matter what April does, it's going to negatively impact the team, at least temporarily until Donnie and Casey get over it."

"But Leo, we've been over this before. You know it makes more sense for April to choose Casey. She has a future to think of. Not that Casey would provide her with a good one at this point, and she already said she doesn't think they're compatible in the long run anyway. But theoretically. It was never going to work out for Donnie. At least with you and Karai and your combined dedication to ninjutsu, plus the fact she's a mutant now, she could have a future with us. And Leo, of course she prefers you. Don't be an idiot. Yeah, she thinks I'm fun, but that's not the same as telling you her dad's the Shredder, or throwing a knife near your head, or being willing to trust us because she trusted you. I entertain her, but she bears her soul to you. Anyway, she's not for me. We'd probably kill each other. I mean, look at what happened with me and Casey. I nearly killed him today. Now that I think of it, I didn't like Karai or Casey on sight. I just grew to accept them over time."

Leo blinked in surprise but then turned to April. "April," Leo began gently, "you don't want to lose friends. I understand your sentiment. But Raph is correct, too. We can't keep going on this way, with Donnie and Casey at each other's throats because they think you'll want one of them if they annoy you enough or show enough devotion. But as Raph said earlier, this isn't just about you three. It affects all of us as a team. You need to talk to them or make a clear choice. If you lose one or both of them, you will just have to accept it. I can tell you that if Karai did find she loved Raph or anyone else in the future, I'd rather she told me straight. It's kinder that way, in my opinion, than to go through the motions and lie. Please talk to them. I really don't need this additional stress."

April hung her head in shame. How was it that Sensei and Leo could always, always make her sad and guilty simultaneously? "Leo, I can't talk to them alone. I…I need help. It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt all three of us." She sounded ready to cry.

Mikey spoke up. "I think this is my department. I'd suggest Raph, too, but there's conflict of interest. And Leo's out 'cause he has Karai. Well, unofficially." Mikey winked at Leo, grinning. "I approve, bro."

"Thanks, Mikey," Leo murmured sincerely. "It means a lot. I'm not just saying that. You're my brother and I care what my family thinks of my choice of kunoichi."

"Mikey's definitely the best choice," Raph put in. "If they're gonna cry, I'd just get in the way."

"Come on, April," Mikey ordered. "Let's get this over with. I figure Donnie's in the barn."

With an apprehensive sigh, April got up and linked arms with Mikey, trying to draw strength from the contact. As they walked away, they heard Leo begin questioning Raph on why he nearly killed Casey.


	4. Meditation

April and Mikey found Donnie in his lab, but for once, he wasn't actually working. He was slumped over, head buried on his arms. He might have been sleeping except that it was afternoon now and his shoulders tensed when they approached. April looked at Mikey uncertainly, clearly thinking this was a bad time. Mikey nodded slowly, knowing Donnie already felt badly for pretty much being scolded by Leo for unprofessional conduct in the incident with the Creep. Nobody liked being scolded by Leo. Raph was more apt to yell back or show annoyance, but he was not immune to the guilt it caused, either.

"Bro," Mikey said softly, sympathetically, "we didn't mean to embarrass-"

Donnie sat up slowly and raised a hand to stop Mikey. "I…I don't want to talk about it. Leo's mad at me and he should be. After the time we spent making this place habitable and having a routine close to what we used to have in the lair, the fact this situation is my fault didn't gnaw at me so much. But now I remember again. Maybe I don't have a place on this team. Maybe the only reason Leo puts up with me is 'cause he has to." Donnie noticed April next to Mikey. He looked at her dully, then turned back to Mikey.

"No, Donnie. I brought the Kraang to the lair, remember? Leo's too polite to yell at me, but we all know it's true. If anything, we're both to blame."

"Maybe I should just do everyone a favor and resign or something," Donnie said dejectedly.

"What?" Mikey exclaimed, grabbing Donnie by the shoulders and shaking him. "No. You serve an important function on the team as the resident scientist and inventor. You know Leo's scolded Raph and even sent him home for his temper. He wanted to leave me behind because I fooled around too much and messed things up once too often. You're not the only one he's scolded. We've all given him a hard time and made it harder for him to lead. And yet, when we are in trouble, he's right there willing to give his own life so we can survive. Look at what he did with the Creep. He really shouldn't have been trying to fight, but he was our only hope and he came through and didn't abandon us. You wanna abandon him 'cause you feel bad? Remember what happened when Leo did that? Snake Weed? Again, Leo came through, but the team needs you. If Leo scolds us, it's just out of frustration and stress. But it doesn't mean he hates us."

Donnie shook his head. "You know how dutiful Leo is. He's too honorable to just let us die."

"So you're saying Leo's heartless, is that it?" Mikey snapped. "No wonder Leo doesn't think you have faith in him. You don't."

"Look, Mikey, if you're going to yell at me, too, you can just stop talking."

Mikey sighed. "Is Casey in here? April and I were looking for both of you."

"Why are you asking me?" Donnie grumbled. "He wasn't here when I came in. Last time I saw him was after Raph threatened to kill him. You know I don't like the guy, so how should I know where he is? And it's not just 'cause he likes April. Even if he didn't, I wouldn't like him. Why is he even on this team again?"

"Um…" Mikey paused. "You know, I dunno. Casey was April and Raph's friend, so I guess we just let him hang around. He's a human and not trained in ninjutsu. He has no talent for stealth and is obnoxious even by my standards. He's someone we have to protect. But he's also contributed to our family. He kept Leo safe when we couldn't, he saved our lives with Slash and the Newtralizer, he and Raph understand each other, and without him, April would be the only human here. And before you say it, Donnie, I know she's actually a mutant. But no one would know that just by looking."

Donnie sighed. "Well, if he's not in the house, maybe he went into the forest. Hopefully, he's not stupid enough to stay out after dark. But I'm not holding my breath." With that, Donnie turned away and resumed his previous pose, signaling an end to the conversation.

"Come on, April," Mikey murmured quietly. "We'd better tell Leo about Casey. He's not gonna be happy."

They trudged back to the house, both rather anxious.

April and Mikey found Leo and Raph still at the dining table. There was an easy, companionable silence between them. Raph and Leo were leaning slightly toward each other, their forearms resting on the table and their heads propped on their hands. Raph looked relaxed and Leo was calm. In fact…And then, it dawned on Mikey. "They're meditating," Mikey whispered. "Let's leave them and wait until they're done."

April shook her head. "Let's join them," she smiled, sitting next to Leo as Mikey sat by Raph.

Mikey smiled back and took April's hand. Leo was first to notice them. He touched their minds briefly in acknowledgement and they could tell he was glad to see them. "Where's Donnie?" he murmured aloud to no one in particular. "Ah, in the barn. He isn't well. Perhaps I should go talk to him."

"I don't think he wants to," Mikey answered. "Talking to him didn't go so good just now."

"Didn't go well?" Leo continued interrogating Mikey. "So he's still upset about our jabs concerning April? Okay. I'll give it more time. I was proud of Raph today. He said he managed to keep control and not even scratch Casey. He did well."

"Oh yeah. He said he almost killed him. I heard it was about Casey's disrespectful attitude toward meditation. I'm surprised Raph would feel strongly enough to want to kill him. He hates meditation."

"I think he sees it has its uses," Leo nodded. "He'll probably never enjoy it the way I do, but he said when Casey insulted it, Raph felt like he'd just insulted me, and that was unforgivable."

"Awww. Raph, you softie," Mikey grinned.

"Watch it, Mikey," Raph threatened, but it was only halfhearted.

The three brothers lapsed into a comfortable collective trance, emotions of camaraderie and contentment washing over them.

April, meanwhile, had sunken into a deeper trance, one that didn't notice and couldn't really carry a verbal conversation. She was thinking deeply about Casey and Donnie, the talk she'd just witnessed about Casey's place on the team, and the fact that all three of them were lonely people who either lost friends or couldn't really make them easily. She was tasked with breaking Donnie and Casey's hearts and she was sure hers would not escape unscathed. But in this place where her heart was laid bare and her defenses were down, she came to a realization. Maybe one day, she'd get fed up no matter who she chose, but she wanted the experience of romance and knew she felt more of a bond to Casey. Her situation was just more similar to Casey's and she kind of liked his nickname for her. He was the only one who called her Red. She felt bad for Donnie because she knew his love for her was genuine, but she couldn't make herself feel something she didn't. Leo's words clinched it for her, and she knew she needed to be honest. Leo would not shrink from such unpleasantness. It was time she grew a spine and followed his example.


	5. Dinner and Diplomacy

Casey was sitting in the branches of a tree. In his overwhelming need to get away from the house, he realized too late that he'd brought nothing with him. He had no food and he had no weapons. Even if he left the Turtles and became a loner again, he'd still have to return to the house to pick up his equipment. But how could he go back with pretty much the entire group against him? Leo and Mikey hadn't witnessed the fight, but it's not like he was that close to them and he knew that there really wasn't any hope he'd get any mercy from them. He was sure Leo only felt obligated to look out for him for Raph's sake and that Mikey would go along with whatever his brothers decided. But then, Casey realized that he couldn't actually leave. They were in the middle of nowhere and honestly, it's not like he had a home to go to. He needed April and the Turtles. Not just for companionship but even to survive. They were the ones who didn't need him.

But Raph had been really angry with him. He wouldn't be surprised if the second he set foot into the house, Raph would be throwing a shuriken at him or an arrow would be piercing his neck. Casey was stuck. And he noticed, to make matters worse, that it was now twilight and soon, the night would come.

April and the Turtles came out of meditation refreshed and happy. Not willing to spoil the atmosphere so soon, Mikey suggested dinner. This would probably be the first time Leo really ate with them since he woke. He usually got separate meals and people either came to keep him company or he ate alone since his food schedule was different from theirs.

April was concerned that Casey hadn't returned yet, but she ignored that in favor of enjoying dinner with what family was here. She smiled. Yes, the Turtles and Sensei were family just as much as her dad. She felt really lucky to actually have two dads.

"Leo should pick the entree," Mikey enthused.

Raph and April nodded good-naturedly.

"Unfortunately, we don't have dessert," Mikey reported, frowning. "Ice Cream Kitty doesn't count."

Leo chuckled softly. "I was never much for dessert, to be honest. Something Raph and I agree on."

Raph snorted at that.

"What do you guys feel like?" Leo inquired.

"Nah, dude. We've always eaten what we felt like for all the time you've been asleep. What do you feel like?"

"We probably don't have what I feel like," Leo murmured sadly. "Sushi or musubi."

Mikey's face fell. "You'd be right. With Sensei here, we always had rice, and I know sometimes, you ate teriyaki chicken or salted fish or miso soup with him instead of whatever we were eating."

"Hmmm," Leo mused, "you think you could make burritos? You know, with meat and veggies. Maybe beans if we have any. Cheese. Sauce. I prefer rice inside, but we don't have that, so it's okay."

Mikey grinned. "Now that, I can do." Mikey was excited again. "It'll take a bit, I think, 'cause I have to make the meat. But the rest of the stuff can just be cut up and put in later, and I can toast them if you want."

"That okay for the rest of you?" Leo asked softly, hoping no one would object.

"Sounds delicious, and a nice change," April smiled.

Raph nodded. "I like burritos."

Leo knew this to be true. "I'd better go ask Donnie."

Mikey was already getting food out of the fridge and humming happily. "Cheese-sickles. Ice Cream Kitty, give me some cheese-sickles." The cat obliged and Mikey threw them next to the sink.

Raph sighed inaudibly and left before Mikey got on his nerves too much and April stayed to help with the cooking.

In the barn, Leo found Donnie listlessly fiddling with a stirring stick, spinning it in his fingers and shifting it from hand to hand. When Donnie met his gaze, Leo noted the absence of emotion in them. With a pang of regret, he thought back to Mikey saying maybe they were too hard on him. The brothers addressed each other simultaneously, but then Donnie stood down and indicated Leo should say his piece first.

Leo sat on some hay across from Donnie and sighed deeply. "First of all, are burritos okay for dinner?"

Donnie gave a noncommittal shrug. "I don't hate them. That's always good enough for me. Food's not really a major concern for me as long as I can stand eating it."

Leo nodded and he had no expression, a sure sign he was in leader mode. "I take it April spoke to you about her feelings for you? And Casey?"

"No," was Donnie's flat answer.

"No?" Leo raised a brow in question. "I'm sure she was planning to do that a little while ago."

"She and Mikey stopped by, but we didn't talk about romance."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We talked about guilt." Donnie looked away, his shoulders slumping. "I know you blame me, Leo, and I understand why. Maybe…Maybe I'm too much of a liability to be on this team."

"Donnie, I…Is this about what I said about you arguing with my directions?"

"Partly," Donnie replied. "But it's also the fact you were nearly killed, you're still in the process of healing, and none of us have ever been so injured before. Even when we were split up before, for various reasons, we got hurt but recovered pretty quickly. A month at most. This isn't just your run-of-the-mill injury, and it's my fault."

"I don't know, Donnie. It's not like you forced the Shredder and his army to wear me down to the point of exhaustion and then come up behind me, knock me out, and throw me threw the glass of a window." Donnie shuddered, covering his face. "I'll be honest. I did blame you. You and April. I even blamed Casey for fooling around and getting himself into trouble when we almost had Karai. But Donnie, look at me." Donnie slowly lowered his hands and met Leo's gaze. Leo reached out and lay a hand on Donnie's forearm. "We've lost much. All of us have. And yeah. Bringing the Kraang to the lair is still unforgivable. April should have known better than to bring any stranger home before we could meet them in some neutral location. But I brought Karai home and she would have led Tiger Claw there if she didn't regret her actions in time and come clean. The point is that I've made bad choices. We've all made bad choices. Sensei has made bad choices. We'll probably make more bad choices in the future. What we need to do now is to remember what we have and to try to preserve that. The time for blame and regret is past. We felt it and indulged it and now we have to let it go and deal with the present. Not the past and not the unknown future, but now."

"Leo, it's not that easy. You could have died. That's irreversible."

"Donnie, why are you thinking about something that didn't happen? Okay, so I have to rebuild my strength and stamina and speed. I have you guys to help me. I also still have my intelligence, so it's not like I have to be totally retrained from scratch. Is it embarrassing and frustrating to not be able to keep up with you guys and train at my original level? You bet. But is anyone kicking me off the team 'cause I'm a liability?"

"Of course not," Donnie snapped. "But you're leader."

"So what? I'm ineligible for that dishonor?"

"Well…aren't you?"

"No," Leo said matter-of-factly. "If Sensei weren't here, maybe I'd be ineligible, but he is still leader of the clan and kicking people off the team and appointing a new leader are ultimately his decisions. I do not think he would just go along with your desire to leave."

"I don't really want to leave," Donnie whispered in a high-pitched tone of sorrow.

"Then don't," Leo smirked.

Donnie touched Leo's forearm. "I'll bet Sensei always knew you'd be next in line to lead the clan. I knew leadership carried a lot of responsibility but I didn't really understand that it's not just about cunning plans or training or even keeping us alive. You have to literally keep us functioning as a unit and that also means talking sense into people. You have to be a diplomat and a warrior. What else?"

"A brother, a friend, and I guess temporarily, a father." Leo's answer was low and unassuming. He was just answering the question.

"Leo, can you forgive me for protesting your commands and making your job harder than it already is?"

"I can forgive you for wasting my time with trivial contradictions that have no bearing on my plans," Leo nodded. "I am not saying don't argue. Just that when you do, make sure it's something relevant, something that concerns either the mission or people's lives, all right?"

"Okay, Chief," Donnie smiled.

"It's about the team, not us as individuals. I forgot that, too. Just remember, Donnie. I'm alive right now because all of you never gave up on me. Come on. The food might be ready by now."

Leo and Donnie headed back to the dining area. Sure enough, plates were waiting for them. Leo noted that Mikey took the liberty of toasting the burritos. April, Raph, and Mikey smiled at them both.

"You got Donnie to join us," Mikey cried happily. "Good job, bro, whatever you did."

"Leo told me to stop thinking about the past and the future," Donnie laughed.

"Ha. Spontaneity for the win."

"Easy, Mikey," Leo warned, though his smile was affectionate.

The family ate a filling meal, basking in each other's warmth and company, feeling more safe and whole than they had in a very long time. If Casey's absence weighed on anyone's mind, they gave no sign. They just soaked up the joy that was currently on offer.


	6. Search and Rescue

Since Mikey and April had done the cooking, Raph and Leo did the dishes. Leo soaped them while Raph rinsed and put them in the rack to dry. The others were in the living area, watching the news. For a time, Leo and Raph worked in a comfortable silence, but then Raph couldn't stay quiet anymore.

"I'm worried about Casey." To the point, as usual. "I thought he just needed time away. I mean, we all get like that sometimes. But it's night now and the forest is dangerous and he's still out there. So maybe I was kinda rough on him, but he doesn't think I'd actually kill him, does he?"

"You're asking me this, Raph?" Leo smirked, quirking a brow. "You know how we get when we spar."

Raph chuckled. "Yeah, Leo. I know. But accidentally hitting you too hard and killing you are very different things. I'd never forgive myself if…"

Leo shook his head firmly. "It won't happen. I mean, it won't be you. But if I had a sai aimed at my heart, I'd be just a bit concerned for my life. I can't really blame him for giving it a few hours and waiting until tempers cool."

Raph sighed. "I have to go after him."

"You might just scare him."

"What if I brought April? Wait…She hit him with her tessan. Donnie might be able to persuade Casey, but Donnie doesn't like him. He probably doesn't care overly much that he's not here."

"I can't fight yet so I can't go. I'm loath to send Mikey. Only you and April are really close to him. A part of me doesn't even want to bother. If Casey was foolish enough to stay out there this late, he should pay for it."

"But I drove him away," Raph protested.

"And he chose not to return, despite the fact that even if you were still murderous, there's an entire family of ninja who could and would have stopped you or protected him."

"You know Casey. He doesn't think before doing. Or not doing, in this case. That logic wouldn't occur to him."

Leo sighed in exasperation. "Can't I just have a day where nothing goes wrong? I mean, really. I know Casey's been helpful to us, but he's not a ninja, probably doesn't have the focus and discipline to be one, and I can't risk you people just because he's an idiot."

Raph laughed despite himself. "Leo. I didn't know you knew what the word 'blunt' means. Look, I'm sorry Casey ruined such a good day, but blame me. I started it."

"Raph," Leo teased, "I didn't know you knew what 'responsibility' meant. I am not blaming you, but all right. I'll think about how to go about finding him."

"Thanks." Raph offered a small, relieved smile.

"Of course." The words were ground out through gritted teeth, but Leo touched Raph's shoulder briefly to assure him of his sincerity.

The last dish was put in the rack and the Turtles joined the others in the living area, Leo frowning in annoyance.

Mikey took one look at Leo and narrowed his eyes at Raph. "What did you say or do this time? Leo's got that frustrated look that means he's trying really hard to not do anything he'll regret."

Raph frowned worriedly. "I mentioned that Casey's not here."

"Dude, you-" Mikey froze in the act of yelling. "Yeah, I noticed. But I was just so caught up in all the love."

"I knew I probably shouldn't mention it, but he shouldn't be out in the forest overnight alone."

April spoke up. "I noticed he was missing, too, but I didn't want to ruin the good thing we had going."

"Thanks," Leo muttered, the word coming out sounding more harsh and sarcastic than he actually meant. "I mean it," he appended, after realizing the tone he'd used.

April just looked at Raph. "We have to find him."

"I know. But Leo doesn't want to risk us because Casey was stupid."

"If it were you out there," April retorted, "he wouldn't just leave you there."

"Well, it isn't," Raph argued back. "And I'm Leo's family. Leo doesn't consider Casey such."

"Heck, if it were me out there, I'm sure Leo would have done something immediately," April continued.

"You're like another daughter to Sensei," Raph put in. "You're practically an adopted sister. Of course, Leo would have sent us after you."

April went quiet. She smiled. "Really? I'm a sister to you guys?"

"If we are brothers to you," Leo murmured gently.

April hugged each Turtle tightly. "Brothers," she grinned. "Sensei…He's like another dad to me. I miss him, too."

Everyone bowed their heads sadly, but then Leo's expression turned thoughtful. "I wonder," he mused. "April, that telepathic talent you have. You heard the Kraang meditating, didn't you? It sounded like some sort of innate ability to link minds."

"I heard them," April confirmed. "But that might only work on Kraang. I don't know if it's transferrable to humans or turtles or other terrestrial organisms."

"Can't hurt to try. If it doesn't work, I'll send you and Raph to find Casey the normal way. I figure if you can hear voices, maybe you can also call directly to another mind. You have enough of an emotional bond to Casey that it's conceivable you could speak to him. He's probably somewhere around here. And maybe you won't have enough range. But better than sending you guys into danger unnecessarily. How about you meditate and try to sense him? I can meditate as well and ensure you don't accidentally wander off to the astral plane. Sensei has barred you from it for now."

"Okay," April nodded.

"Perhaps we should go to your room," Leo suggested. "You'd feel most relaxed there." Addressing the other Turtles, he said, "It's better if you guys don't follow us." He looked pointedly at Donnie. "No matter how long it takes, we will contact you with the results. Got it?"

Donnie nodded obediently. Raph and Mikey headed upstairs to read while Donnie left for his lab.

Leo stopped at Mikey's room to get the cushion he'd been sitting on before and entered April's room, shutting the door behind him. He crossed the room and carefully sat next to her. "Well, we'd better get started. You should picture Casey and try to sense his presence. If you find him, try to call to him and see if his presence reacts to you. When you heard the Kraang, were you able to speak to them or only hear them?"

"I didn't try to speak to them. We didn't really want them knowing they were being heard."

"I don't know much about how minds and spirits are connected or how they interact. I don't know, for instance, if mind communication is even possible if you are trying to contact someone without your gift. Perhaps it is only one-sided. I think Sensei could speak to the Rat King, but he has developed his mind and spirit to be able to do that. Casey hasn't. You see?"

"Yes. I understand your logic. So you theorize that I can speak to Casey, but he may not be able to answer because he cannot meditate and doesn't have my telepathy?"

"Correct." Leo smiled. "So you may have to just guess his thoughts based on how his spirit reacts to your words."

April frowned. "I'm unsure about this. But I don't have a better idea." She took Leo's hand and entered into meditation, Leo close beside her. Leo monitored April's spirit carefully. It instinctively wanted to go to the astral plane to find Casey more easily, but whenever it drifted too far away, Leo would erect a sort of force field that kept it contained. April's spirit would sometimes struggle, but Leo would touch it and explain that it was too dangerous, and it would stop in acceptance.

April went into a deep trance, reaching out to the surrounding forest. It helped that she knew what she was trying to sense, but she still didn't know how far away it was, and that was frustrating. Just when she figured it was a lost cause, she found Casey. If she was seeing it right, he was sitting in a tree.

"Casey," she called in her mind.

April saw Casey's head snap up in surprise, as though she were watching a movie. His lips moved, but as Leo had predicted, she heard nothing.

"Casey, it's April. I can see you. Nod if you can hear me."

Casey nodded hesitantly, looking scared.

"Casey, it's really me. You're not hallucinating or anything. Remember? Master Splinter could hear the Rat King? Same thing's happening with you."

Casey nodded again, somewhat reassured but still worried. Once more, he tried to say something aloud.

"Casey, try to think what you want to say. Direct it at me."

Casey was now puzzled. _How?,_ he thought.

"Did you try it?"

Casey nodded.

"Hmmm. I guess Leo's right. You can't talk to me because you can't meditate. I'm talking to you via meditation. I'm sitting by Leo and he's making sure my spirit doesn't wander to the astral plane."

Casey's eyes widened. April knew he had so many questions that he couldn't ask.

"Yeah, I know there's a lot you don't get about this whole mind and spirit thing. Leo and me, too. But maybe now you understand why we got so angry when you spoke so irreverently about the power of the mind. I'm here to tell you to come back home. You shouldn't be out there this late. Aren't you hungry? We have some burritos left over from dinner."

Casey felt unsure.

"You're not hungry?" April clarified.

He shook his head.

"You are hungry. But you don't want to come home?"

He nodded.

"We aren't mad at you. I mean, we've cooled off. If you don't return, we'll have to come after you, and Leo won't be happy."

She saw Casey begin climbing down. "Okay, so you're coming?"

He nodded, then shook his head. He looked around, lost. He headed in a random direction.

April felt his presence drawing away from where she was anchored with Leo. "Casey, no. Turn around. Go the opposite way."

He obeyed, and April felt him drawing nearer. "Okay. Just go as straight as possible. I'll stay with you until you can see the house."

True to her word, April directed Casey to the house. Leo's hand tightened on hers when he sensed Casey in the vicinity. "Nice work," he said aloud.

"Thanks," she grinned. "Wow. I didn't know my telepathy could be used for this. Or is it meditation?"

"A bit of both, I'm guessing. Meditation to track Casey and telepathy to speak to someone who isn't meditating. I'm pretty sure I can't contact people who can't meditate. Anyway, you'd better go meet Casey."

"I'm on it." She ran out the door and hurried outside, embracing Casey in relief and happiness.

Casey returned the hug somewhat hesitantly, but when he pulled back and saw April's sad expression, he looked repentant and embraced her again, this time with feeling. "Sorry, Red. It was just such a contrast to earlier today."

"No problem," April smiled. "I'd probably have done the same thing if I were you." She touched the lump on Casey's head carefully, frowning. "I'm sorry about hitting you. It just truly felt like a personal insult. Looks like you'll be okay in a couple days, though."

"Nah, I get it. Besides, I like my women fiery." He winked at her.

"Careful, Casey. Don't push it," April muttered, waving her closed tessan in mock threat.

Casey held up his hands in pretend surrender, and they smiled at each other.

It was then that the rest of the family joined them. Raph approached Casey while the others hung back, but Donnie hadn't missed the banter and the smiles. He pressed his lips together and controlled his reaction, but it was an effort.

"Hey, Casey," Raph greeted softly.

"Hey, Raph," Casey nodded.

"Look, about earlier-"

"It's cool," Casey assured. "Casey Jones is used to best friends whacking him and getting mad. I'll admit that a sai aimed at me was something I hadn't experienced before, but April already explained it. I forgive you."

Raph blinked in surprise. "What? If someone did that to me, I'm not sure I'd even trust them, let alone forgive."

"Dude. You're trying to say sorry and I can see you feel bad. If you'd really wanted to kill me, I'd be dead. You're a ninja. April injured me worse than you did. So no worries. Really." Casey held out a hand, and Raph shook it.

"Thanks, Casey. You're a great friend."

"Awww," Mikey crooned from behind Raph.

"Mikey!" Raph yelled, whipping around as the Turtle in question bounded away screaming to the house, Raph in hot pursuit.

"Ah, just like old times," Leo chuckled. "I'd better go make sure they don't kill each other. Would be pretty ironic." Leo walked sedately back to the house, not in any hurry to break up that fight.

Donnie's face broke into a grin and he caught up to Leo, throwing an arm around his shoulders. Leo wrapped an arm around Donnie's shell. April and Casey watched them walk away, content to enjoy the scene.


	7. The Kiss

A few awkward moments passed as April played with her tessan nervously and looked anywhere but at Casey. She took a deep breath, steeling herself, and put her weapon away resolutely. It was now or never. "It's hard to find privacy, but we'll just have to work something out. We need to talk." She began walking toward the house, hearing Casey's footsteps behind her.

"What's the matter, Red?" Casey queried.

"I'll tell you in a bit."

The two humans passed the Turtles in the living area. The TV was on in the background but no one was paying attention. Raph and Leo were tussling unarmed, though it was clear it was either training or just for fun. They looked focused but not angry. Mikey and Donnie were engaged in a similar pursuit, though theirs was interspersed with dodging behind and on top of furniture, alternating between evasion and rolling on the floor. April smiled. Donnie and Mikey's game of tag did look like so much fun. Casey was drawn to Raph and Leo, wanting to try his hand at it with Leo, who he'd never fought with that way. Instead, they headed to the kitchen and April heated up Casey's dinner. At the sight of food, Casey began salivating and got some soda from the fridge. After checking that the food was hot enough, she gave the plate to Casey and headed upstairs.

Casey checked in on the Turtles. It appeared Raph had won and was helping Leo off the floor. Leo's head was bowed sadly, but his posture, while walking toward the couch beside Raph, was dignified and proud. From what Casey had seen of the fight, Raph and Leo had not gone easy on each other, though Raph was mindful of Leo's leg. "You'd better enjoy that winning streak while it lasts," Leo warned.

"You bet I will," Raph smirked. "I expect you to break it one day. And when you do, I'll be smiling."

Leo smiled at Raph and slapped him on the shell. "I'm holding you to that. When I was in top form, it was hard to say who would win with us. I want that again."

"We'll have it," Raph said fiercely.

Mikey and Donnie had stopped their game when they noticed Raph and Leo heading for the couch, so they hadn't missed the exchange. They were grinning at each other. "I hope we get to see it," Donnie put in.

"Hang out with us more often and maybe you will," Mikey advised.

Unnoticed by the preoccupied Turtles, Casey smiled somewhat wistfully and followed April upstairs, finding her in her room, sitting on the bed. Casey sat at her desk, setting his meal on it and tucking in. When the silence was starting to become awkward, Casey looked up from his food expectantly.

April cleared her throat self-consciously. "Oh, right. The talk. It's…It's about you and Donnie. And me. Leo says the rivalry between you and Donnie is disruptive to the team as a whole. It gets in the way of our unity and it's been going on too long. He said I have to put a stop to it, and that means choosing one or neither of you. I think Raph and Mikey agree. In fact, it was Raph actually voicing the complaint. Leo just addressed it."

"I once asked Raph if you'd ever said anything about me. He didn't answer, saying I knew how Donnie felt about you. But it's not like Donnie and I can really control how we feel or how we treat each other. Our personalities just clash."

"Maybe. But I'm sure I'm not helping. And you guys could always ignore each other."

"That's not good for team unity, either," Casey retorted.

"Yeah, but at least, you wouldn't be arguing, and that would take stress off the rest of the team."

"I guess," Casey muttered unhappily.

"Look, I'm kind of confused, too. You and Donnie are both great for different reasons. And the thing is, I don't want to lose either of you as friends. I also don't want to lose my place in this family, on this team. I don't know what to do." April sounded lost and forlorn.

Casey put down his burrito and swallowed some soda before sitting beside April, putting an arm around her shoulders. Unconsciously, April leaned into the touch, laying her head on his shoulder. "If I just left the team and let Donnie have you, your problems would be solved. So would the team's. I could take the truck or the van and just get out of here. I don't think you guys really need me. I mean, you'd probably manage without me. Yeah, I've done my share in fights and Raph might miss me, but everyone else? It's not like I'm close to them."

"Casey, what are you saying?" April asked, surprised. "You're resigning?"

"It's clear I don't really fit in. But I'm not that surprised. It's not like I've ever fit in anywhere."

"Casey," April whispered, stroking his cheek in an attempt to be comforting. She didn't even realize what she'd done until afterward.

Casey's eyes widened. "Maybe I could leave now while everyone else is busy." He caught April's hand as it was being pulled away and played with her fingers before holding it properly.

"But Casey, who would I talk to? I love the Turtles as my own brothers but there are some things about the human world they'll never really understand. Splinter does, but he's not here, and he's not a kid. He probably remembers what it was like to be our age, but he's not now. You know how it goes. Raph needs you, too. You and him get each other in ways his own brothers don't. I can keep up with Donnie. He needs me for the same reason Raph needs you. And Karai, Splinter's daughter. She and Leo understand each other in ways we don't. They need each other, too. You can't leave. I mean, you looked after Leo when you were looking for your family, remember? Please stay. It won't be the same without you."

"When I left the house earlier, I'd thought about how the Turtles had become something of an adopted family to me. My dad and sister…I don't know how we'll find them or if we ever will. But while I would always miss them, the thing that's been keeping me going is that I have you and the other guys and we're all in this together. And we're all outcasts, too. If I left, I'd be all alone, and I've been there before. It's sad. 'Cause when you're alone, all you can do is think. Think about everything you've lost. I know I act all confident and like I've got it under control, but I do it for the same reason Raph does it. 'Cause Raph and I feel too much."

April pulled Casey close, letting him bury his head against her neck. She stroked his hair, massaged his shoulders, and when he lifted his head, she captured his lips with hers in a gentle, chaste kiss.

Casey smirked. "You want Casey Jones that badly, eh? If I get kisses for staying, well, I guess I don't have much of a choice."

April slapped his upper arm, but she was laughing. "Just shut up and kiss me again."

And Casey did, with all the passion he'd had to keep bottled inside for so long.

Unknown to them, Donnie saw the kiss. He'd heard them speaking and had crept closer to listen. Wrapped up in each other, they'd forgotten the door was left open. It was only due to years of training that he'd managed not to squeak in shock. His hands had also flown to his mouth, which probably helped stifle the gasp he couldn't quite prevent. Donnie remembered what Leo had said about April meaning to talk to him. He supposed that wasn't necessary anymore. Raph had been right all along. He had to admit, he knew Raph was probably right, but he still hoped. He slunk back downstairs as silently as he'd come. His brothers took one look at his devastated expression and cringed.

"What's wrong?" Leo asked carefully.

"Raph was right," Donnie choked out. "I…I never had a chance with her. She…She kissed Casey. I don't think they'll be down here again tonight."

"Sorry, bro," Mikey whispered sincerely.

"Tried to warn you," Raph muttered in annoyance.

Leo just shook his head sympathetically. "I told you it was probably a bad idea to spy on them. Not to mention, rather dishonorable. But never mind. I'm sorry, too."

Donnie merely stared at the floor.

"If you want to talk, Donnie…" Leo trailed off.

"I never wanted you to get hurt," Raph added sadly.

Mikey tried to hug Donnie, but he gently extricated himself with a curt shake of the head, moving toward the kitchen. The others didn't follow. They just sat on the couch, quietly commiserating.

"I guess…um…we should head to bed," was Leo's awkward suggestion in the silence.

"Yeah. No point staying up when there's nothing left to do," Raph agreed.

"Leo, why don't you come with me? I doubt Donnie will sleep much tonight. If he does, he can sleep down here."

"Sounds like a plan."

Raph and Mikey retired for the night, Raph making sure to be quiet with his door this time around. Leo glided to April's room and pulled the door shut, careful not to look inside, before finally turning in and shutting his and Mikey's door equally silently.


	8. Why?

Donnie spent the night Casey and April lay in each other's embrace alone on the couch. He'd come out of the kitchen after his brothers had gone to bed, muffling his sobs in a pillow. He'd cried and cried until he just fell asleep from exhaustion. Why? Why hadn't he been good enough? Hadn't he loved April sincerely, with everything he had? And why was Leo so lucky? Karai seemed to like him even though he was a turtle. He was sure Leo loved Karai with everything he had, too. Leo was a great guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. He didn't begrudge Leo. He just didn't understand why, when Karai could have chosen Raph or Leo, she gravitated to Leo when April chose Casey. To Donnie's mind, the choices seemed the same for each girl. A thinker or a doer, quick or slow to anger, a fighter or someone who preferred to assess situations first. What did April see in a vulgar, unpolished Neanderthal like Casey, anyway? Not that Raph was a Neanderthal, of course.

Was it that Casey was so different from April? April was a beautiful, intelligent girl with a good dad and a lot of passion. Donnie didn't even know Casey's family, but Casey seemed like a rough guy from a poor neighborhood. Donnie was aware the sewers weren't much better. Although Karai and April were both well-to-do girls, neither seemed really put off by their home or lifestyle. Did Karai like Leo because he was different from what she was used to, given her background as the Shredder's daughter? Should Donnie be more like Casey? Ha. Laughable. He'd never pull it off correctly. Raph had more chance of doing it right. Donnie kind of wished April had fallen for Raph. At least, then, it'd still be in the family.

How was he going to look at Casey and April and act like there was nothing wrong? How would he manage to not feel the grief or the rage that currently coursed through him in equal measure? Would he ever get the part of his heart he'd devoted to April back? If he didn't, would he ever heal completely? Was he doomed to have an incomplete heart from now on? Would he just have to compensate somehow, learn to do without?

Donnie wished Sensei were here. He knew Splinter's true love was Tang Shen and his heart always hurt for him thinking of the Shredder killing her. But Splinter had moved past that. Maybe he'd know how to get better. But then again, it was different. April wasn't killed by Casey. She was won, taken. But Donnie remembered that before Tang Shen, both he and Oroku Saki had had other girlfriends. Yes, they hadn't worked out, but he seemed to remember Sensei saying a couple of the previous women simply fell for other men and when he had fallen for Tang Shen, he and the Shredder had fallen out of love with their women at the time. Yes, maybe Sensei could help. But how was he going to cope until then?

Donnie had seen Leo come downstairs and head to the kitchen, presumably to start tea. He'd fallen into step next to him and Leo had glanced over at him gently. When Leo asked if he wanted tea, Donnie had accepted with a sad smile. They sat next to each other at the table, sipping slowly. Once in a while, Leo would pat Donnie's hand comfortingly, and somehow, it helped. Leo hadn't said a word, just sat with him, until Donnie's eyes just spilled over. Leo had draped an arm over Donnie's shoulders as Donnie buried his head on his arms, sobbing softly. Leo had quickly pushed Donnie's tea out of the way, saving it from being knocked over, while he sipped at his own and continued to pat Donnie's shoulder. "Why?" Donnie finally asked brokenly. "Why wasn't I good enough?"

"Donnie," Leo whispered hoarsely, maneuvering Donnie so that he was crying against Leo's neck.

"I loved her from the moment I saw her. I admit that at first, I just thought she was beautiful. But then, I saw her ability in math and science, found that her dad and I got along great, that her heart was passionate and loyal. Family was as important to her as it was to us, to me. She loved you guys and you guys loved her. How could it not work out, Leo?"

Leo sighed and shook his head emphatically, at a loss. He didn't know. How could he? He wasn't April. Anyway, this whole love thing was outside his experience. Ask him about combat or why some mission or other had gone awry, and he could say exactly where it went wrong. But this…Logically, it would seem like Donnie was right, that factors were perfect for April to just slot into place. But Leo also knew that love and logic were not related. If love were logical, perhaps Splinter could have relinquished Tang Shen to the Shredder. Maybe he could have simply stopped loving Karai, the Foot ninja - his alluring, hypnotic, skilled warrior. But how to explain to Donnie that his expectations were wrong? People weren't machines. People had emotions. And emotions simply weren't logical. They just were or weren't. Yes, logic could eventually control emotion and redirect it, but they weren't really linked. That was always Donnie's problem. He could never understand why other people couldn't simply do the rational thing. It also factored into why Donnie had difficulty really connecting with others. "Donnie," Leo said slowly, "did you ever consider April's perspective? You tell me you got along with her dad. April loves Sensei. But maybe there's a missing factor. Maybe she doesn't love you as much as you love her or in the way that you do. Maybe she tried to love you as you love her and simply can't. If there's no spark of physical attraction, it can't be forced."

"So you mean, I'm not handsome enough?" Donnie was incredulous. "You really think she's that shallow?"

"I don't know. You just told me she was beautiful. I don't think April's excessively shallow, but it could be that you simply weren't born with the right build. Like it or not, such things factor in."

It was Donnie's turn to sigh. "That's…somehow unsatisfactory. That Casey got April just because of physical factors. A girl like April…It shouldn't matter to her."

"I imagine it's not the only thing April's concerned about. I didn't fall for Karai just because she made my heart beat faster. I'm just saying there are gaps in our information that April has the answers to, and it's an angle you may have neglected to consider."

Donnie let go of Leo and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He realized that Leo was actually right. He'd forgotten that April was a factor in and of herself. He'd always thought he loved April and yet didn't see her as a person in her own right. She was just a piece in a puzzle. What was it Sensei had said? For someone so smart, obvious things eluded him. Donnie lowered his head in shame. "I'm such a jerk," Donnie whispered.

Leo shook his head. "I wouldn't go that far. You are gentle and compassionate. You work tirelessly to make our lives easier and more efficient with your intellect. You put heart and soul into everything you make, whether it's for our team or individuals like me or Kirby. Introversion does not equal brutishness."

Donnie lifted his head, looking hopeful. He drank the rest of his tea, which was now sadly lukewarm. "I don't think I can take seeing Casey and April together. I assume Casey won't be around the barn much in the coming days. I think I'll spend most of my time there."

"Well, you do that anyway," Leo smirked. "I don't think anyone would find that strange."

"I know, but I mean, if you bros need or want me for anything."

Leo nodded. "I could just repeat what I said. I assume there is a reason you are telling me this? Perhaps you wish to be alone and don't want to deal with people?"

"I…No. I just don't want to deal with Casey, or Raph if all he's going to do is scold me. And I don't think I could take sharing meals just now. I'd appreciate food, but not here."

"Mmm," Leo grunted. I'll talk to Raph, let him know not to lecture you. I don't see a problem with you eating in the barn, either. Where will you sleep?"

"With Mikey, as usual."

"Okay. Don't forget that you have a family who cares. Even Raph complained to you because he cared. Doesn't feel like it but trust me. He does. It was us before you met her. Sensei and us turtles are the core group. Keep that in mind."

Donnie smiled. "Thanks, Leo. I think it'll be okay."

"That's the spirit. We are ninja. Sensei lives every day with the loss of his beloved wife. He once told me he never stopped loving her. But we give him a reason to carry on and a focus for his love. His heart still knows goodness because of us. If he can do it, you can."

Donnie hugged Leo and lay his cheek against his briefly. "I'm heading out. You've helped a lot. I'm lucky to have you for a brother."

"Eh, just doing my job," Leo chuckled.

Donnie waved to Leo on his way out and Leo offered a nod in farewell.


	9. When Cultures Collide

April woke alone the next morning. She remembered falling asleep in Casey's arms, but she was kind of glad he wasn't with her right then. Would have been weird to actually wake up together before they were even a couple. In any case, she was sure Sensei, her dad, and even Leo wouldn't approve of them sharing a room. Now that she was thinking about it, she wondered what her dad would think of Casey. She wondered if Leo would be upset with her for not choosing Donnie, if she was now no longer a sister to the Turtles. Suddenly, she was afraid to go downstairs and meet everyone. But she couldn't stay in her room forever. Still, she put off leaving for as long as possible. And poor Donnie. She'd told Leo she'd talk to him. She would have to keep her word. At any rate, Donnie deserved an apology.

When April entered the living area, the place was strangely deserted. She thought Leo ought to be awake by now. He should be making tea, or oatmeal, or even something simple like a tuna sandwich or toast and scrambled eggs. He usually preferred to be up before the rest of the house so he could meditate and prepare for the day in peace. It was 6 AM, which was around the time he'd be seeing to his breakfast. April knew that on training days, the guys ate light fare. Once a week or so, they indulged in something heavier and more filling, but only because they could afford to be somewhat lethargic afterward. Perhaps plans changed and this was not a training day. Shrugging, April poured herself some grape juice and took a seat at the dining table. And that was when she noticed it.

Something shifted in a dim corner. It was the faintest whisper of movement, like the rustle of fabric in a breeze. April tensed, her fan opening defensively. She got to her feet, but for some reason, she couldn't run away. Perhaps it was the absence of her telepathic alarm that gave her pause, but she stayed still and alert nonetheless. She vaguely realized that she did not hear the answering call of a weapon, whether it be the spinning of a staff, the chain of nunchucks, or the ring of metal against metal. But just when she began to think that maybe running away was smarter after all, she saw him. Leo. He moved as fluidly as he could to the seat across from her. In his hand was a cup of tea, which he set on the table before sitting down. She couldn't help but admire the evidence of years of disciplined training.

"Hello," Leo greeted formally.

April thought this strange. Weren't they friends? Family, even? But then she remembered and closed her fan with a slight tremor in her fingers which Leo did not miss. She stowed it away and sat down. "Hello," she replied in kind, thinking it better to follow his lead.

"So, last night," Leo began, his tone taking on a lecturing quality, "You didn't come downstairs. Neither you nor Casey. That was odd because normally, at least one of you does as a courtesy to inform someone you're heading to sleep. Not necessarily me. Just whoever's around. We all do this. It has the added benefit of indirectly telling others to keep the volume down, too.

"Eventually, I and the others went to bed, but I got curious. Had something happened? I found your door open and you and Casey sounded…um…preoccupied." April flushed and ducked her head. "Not wanting to interrupt, I closed your door and turned in for the night.

"So my question is, what was that about? Normally, I would not be so direct but I was under the impression you were not interested in either suitor."

April swallowed. She was under the distinct impression she was being scolded. Maybe it was a sign she was truly considered one of the team. Leo felt he had the right to lay down the law with her. She wanted to say Leo had no right to pry, but if her door had been left open, then he did. She sighed and answered his question. "I wasn't lying at the time, Leo. I really did think I wasn't interested. But when we were all meditating before dinner, I thought about it. Honestly, I don't expect to marry Casey or Donnie. But I want…I want romance. And Casey's…strangely attractive. I think it's the way he is so passionate and throws all of himself into things. It's…contagious. Being around him, I can forget my sorrow for a while. I can feel…normal."

Leo went still, very still. "Normal," Leo muttered, spitting the word as though it tasted foul. "That word is almost as bad as 'monster' or 'freak.'"

April winced. She had offended him, badly enough for him to just be blunt. She tried to explain, her tone turning pleading. "My life has been crazy for a while now. Since Dad was literally abducted by aliens and hasn't quite been the same since. Don't get me wrong. I am so glad to know you all. I can't imagine my life without you guys anymore. I love you all so much. But…" She blinked hard, her eyes filling with water. Leo gasped quietly, a hand already moving to pat hers in sympathy. "I just…I grew up thinking I'd go through school, head to college, become a scientist. My dad's a scientist. Heck, the Kraang are scientists. It practically runs in my veins." Leo chuckled. He could certainly identify with an occupation running in blood. Karai's situation was pretty much the same. Ninjutsu ran in her veins. "Obviously, that's not the way my life has been turning out. And while I wouldn't trade you guys and Sensei for anything, I also want to maybe do those things one day. Part of growing up, I was taught, is falling in love and having a special someone. Teenagers don't generally expect to spend their lives with the first person they ever hook up with. The world is full of people, after all. But there is the expectation of experimentation, trying a variety so you know what works and what doesn't for you. I guess I just want a little piece of stability."

Leo had an elbow on the table and was cupping his chin in his hand contemplatively. He noted how different human expectations were from mutant ones.

Another thought occurred to April. "Casey is human. He understands what I'm going through because his life has been crazy, too, since he met me. He's been steeped in the same expectations of how life should go. In this family, we're the minority, and the perspective is very different. I know you guys are minorities in a general sense, but roles are reversed on this team. It factors into why I chose Casey, if that helps."

Leo nodded in understanding, and April saw a change in his demeanor. Where once he was the stern leader wondering why she'd lied to him, he was now a supportive friend who grasped the need for some kind of control in a world that kept shifting underfoot. Leo spoke almost to himself. "My brothers and I were always told that humans were not to be trusted. We learned that humans are selfish creatures out for money, power, and position. We were taught that they would either shoot us on sight or take us alive to be experimented on and worse. Such ingrained training will always stay with us, and unfortunately, I have seen nothing to truly disprove any of it. Given that premise, we always knew our options were limited to nonexistent. It does not, however, stop us from wishing sometimes. I have no problem spending my life as a warrior. It is exhilarating and something I truly love. But I'd enjoy being able to go swimming with Karai or my brothers in the ocean, among people, without fear or caution. I think Raph, too, would not truly mind being a fighter, but perhaps he'd want to roar down the street in broad daylight for once on his bike. Maybe find a woman to share the ride with. Mikey would be in his element as a comedian, perhaps, or maybe an acrobat. Definitely playing to a crowd. And Donnie…Well, Donnie deserves to go to the best college on a scholarship and collaborate with other brilliant academics from all over the world to grow his knowledge and to share his own.

"If Donnie embarrassed you or came on too strong, I'm sure it was not on purpose. But we mutants have so few opportunities, so when one comes along and happens to fit criteria, it's hard not to hold on too tightly. You can keep up with him mentally in ways none of us can do. You have a good heart, you're pretty, he felt a romantic attraction to you. Who knows if or when another chance will come?" Leo cast his gaze at the tabletop, shoulders slumped defeatedly. "I do not say these things to make you feel badly. If you are not attracted to Donnie in that way, there isn't much you can do about it. I know you consider him a friend, though. Just…Be discreet with Casey. More so than you have been." He growled this last sentence threateningly. and April jumped. It was unconscious on Leo's part, but April understood loud and clear the consequences if she wasn't. Leo would make her cry if she even accidentally hurt Donnie by flaunting her physical relationship with Casey. "Raph will probably kill Casey if he dares to show off his status with you in front of Donnie. So remind him, too. Make no mistake, April. I don't blame you for what you cannot feel. But I can blame you for what you choose to do. Understood?"

April nodded meekly.

Leo indicated April's forgotten juice. "Were you going to drink that?"

April picked up her cup and drained it in one go. When she finished, she found that Leo looked apologetic.

"I…I'm sorry," he murmured. "It's habit to be protective of my brothers. This, too, is something I've been trained to do. Don't think I don't care about you. But can I ask you something?"

April offered a dim smile. "I know you care about me. If you didn't, you wouldn't have warned me about your intent if I hurt Donnie unnecessarily. And you can ask, but I may not answer."

"Fair enough. Why was your door open if you were engaged in private activities? It just seems…strange that you would be so inattentive, especially with anyone able to come and go up there."

April hid behind her hands a moment and then met Leo's gaze. "Well, I wasn't actually expecting for it to escalate that far. I was talking to him about how his fights with Donnie affected the team and then he thought maybe he should leave and I was begging him not to and then it just happened. I kissed him on the lips. And things went from there."

"I see," Leo nodded. "I'll let that one slide then. I appreciate your honesty."

April smiled, a genuine one this time. "Leo?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm sorry. That I can't…can't love Donnie the way he wants me to. He's my friend and my brother. I promise you. But it's all I can give." Her voice shook, threatening tears again. Her eyes begged his understanding, his forgiveness.

Instead of answering verbally, Leo came around the table and carefully took April in his arms, lifting her off her chair and pulling her onto the floor with him. She turned and buried her head against his chest, sobbing for the injustice of the world, that such good people like her mutant family were cheated out of dreams just because of what they were, for guilt that they loved her enough not to begrudge her her own. Leo was patting her back, stroking her head, whispering "Shhhh." She was still his sister. She knew this now. As though Leo understood the true reason for her overwhelming grief, he murmured near her ear, "You love Donnie. You love us. Romantic love is just one form, one face of love. I think Donnie will be okay. He will come to see this, remember this, because he knows this, has felt this. It'll work out."

"Thanks, Leo," April sniffed. "It's no wonder the guys mourned your loss so hard and hoped so fervently that you'd come back. I always respected you, but I'm starting to see why Sensei chose you to coordinate us. You have the rare ability to be both fierce and compassionate. Raph's starting to learn, I think."

"Yes. He's matured a lot." Leo smiled kindly.

"I'd better go clean up," April smiled, standing up and splashing water on her face in the kitchen. Leo had moved to the living area and was reclining on the couch when April returned. "I guess I should go talk to Donnie. It'll be hard."

"Perhaps Mikey will help you," Leo murmured, eyes closed.

"Thanks for understanding, Leo. I mean, about Casey and my life."

"It's not that hard, April," Leo laughed.

"See you later," April called as she headed toward the front door.

"Be strong and brave," was Leo's parting advice.

April didn't make it outside.


	10. Conflict Resolution

Casey and Raph came downstairs, Mikey trailing behind. "Want coffee," Raph muttered, Casey nodding in agreement.

"Ugh," Mikey groused. "Grape juice for me. Hey, Leo, April." He smiled cheerily at them as April turned around. She managed to catch it and she and Leo smiled back.

"Hey, Leo, April," Raph said shortly. He was sincere, but the tone came out kind of grumpy.

Leo chuckled. "Sleep okay, Raph?" he queried, also sincere but smirking.

"Yeah. Why?" Raph smirked back.

"No reason," Leo eyed Casey indirectly. "Just that, you know, thought it might be lonely without Casey."

Raph snorted. "What are you implying, Fearless? It better not be what it sounds like." He growled threateningly.

"Just wondered if you liked the quiet is all," Leo replied evenly.

"For your information, I kind of did like having a room to myself again. Too bad it didn't last. Casey kind of woke me up coming back in the middle of the night. But as you can tell, I did get back to sleep."

Leo pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I appreciate the report, Raph," he nodded to April and Casey.

Casey spoke up. "Why didn't you just ask directly if I slept with April? And…Wait a minute. How do you know I slept with her?"

Leo laughed. "Um, you two weren't exactly…careful. An accident, I'm sure. I expect it won't happen again."

"Wait. Huh?"

"When we went to bed, you two were going at it," Raph put in.

Leo winced. "Not the words I would have chosen, Raph," he choked.

April blushed and tried to creep away toward the stairs. Mikey began getting his juice and Raph started making coffee for himself and Casey. Raph glanced at Leo's tea, which had gone forgotten, and went back to work. Casey, however, noticed April's embarrassment and looked more closely at her. He then turned on Leo. "Has April been crying?"

"Yeah," Leo answered casually.

"What'd you do? You were the only one with her when we came."

"No, Casey, it's not like that," April interrupted.

Casey ignored her and glared at Leo. Raph had the coffee brewing and looked between Leo and Casey, unsure about whether he should step in. Mikey sat at the table next to Leo's former seat and drank his juice, but was also keeping an eye out for a possible fight.

"I didn't do anything," Leo said coolly. "And what happened between April and me has nothing to do with you."

"I think it does if you hurt her," Casey snarled back.

"If you aren't going to trust me based on my word, I have nothing more to say to you." Leo began walking to the seat he'd vacated earlier, but Casey grabbed his arm. Leo's eyes narrowed. "Let go," he commanded lowly. Raph and Mikey heard the threat in Leo's tone. Casey was oblivious and held on. "Let go, please," Leo repeated, part-command, part-request.

Casey prepared to punch Leo in the face, but Raph stepped between them and caught his wrist. "Casey, what the hell?"

"He hurt April," Casey growled, struggling in Raph's grip. Raph was now pulling Casey out of range.

"Casey, why would Leo make April cry? Has he ever done before?"

"No, but if he's not at fault, why's he so secretive about what happened with him and her?"

Mikey spoke up. "Leo's that way when he doesn't want to discuss something private. I mean, Raph, Me, Donnie…He talks to us one on one sometimes about stuff. A lot of times, it's 'cause we ask him to keep it quiet, or sometimes, it's 'cause he's scolding us and doesn't want to shame us in front of the team."

"Not scolding," April came over and stood by Leo, who was eying Casey guardedly. "He just wanted clarification on something. Leo's trying to protect me. Leave him alone, Casey."

"Clarification on what, April? Maybe you're trying to protect him."

"Maybe I am," April snapped. "I don't want him to get hurt when he doesn't deserve it." She glared at Casey intently.

"Oh, so you like him, then?" Casey was downright confrontational.

"Yeah. As a friend and as a brother. And I respect him as a leader. Of course, I like him. Anyway, who said I belonged to you in the first place? As far as I know, we're not a couple."

"What?" the guys all chorused.

"We never actually finalized any change in status." April meant for everyone to hear the words, but she was addressing Leo. "Just because I admitted attraction to Casey doesn't necessarily mean we're automatically an item. It didn't seem right to start something before I completed your task and spoke to Donnie."

Leo smiled and nodded in approval.

"So Casey," April admonished, "you don't actually have the right to attack Leo for anything concerning me, and especially not when you don't have any proof it was his fault I was crying. Drop it. Maybe I'll tell Raph what happened one day and he can tell you. Don't do something that's going to make you look stupid." April managed to stop herself from adding, "More than usual."

"Come on, Casey," Raph said firmly. "Think the coffee's done." He poured two mugs and set one in front of Casey. He stirred sugar in his while Casey used cream and sugar. Casey didn't say anything, just sipped carefully at his drink.

Leo shook his head at his tea, frowning in disgust. He picked it up and threw it away down the drain. No way was he going to reheat it. He went to a little guest room, which he was using as his room, and came back carrying a bow and a quiver of arrows, which he slung over his back in place of his swords. At his belt hung a tanto, and a cloth sack was over his shoulder. "I feel like some target practice," Leo said by way of explanation. "If I'm lucky, maybe I'll bring something home."

Raph looked interested. "Hey, want some company? Maybe with two of us, it'll increase the odds. Not that you're a bad shot. But I'd love to work with you."

"What about Casey? And your coffee?"

"Can you wait till we finish?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I'll just be on the couch." He started away. They heard the TV turn on as Leo flipped through channels, finally settling on some historical documentary about the making of katana.

"I'd better check on Donnie," April murmured as Leo left.

"I'd better go, too," Mikey murmured. "Originally, I was gonna help April talk to him. So I guess it's still my job."

Raph nodded. "I still won't be any help. Good luck."

"Originally? What do you mean, Mikey?" Casey asked.

"It's like April said. Leo asked her to talk to you and Donnie about whether she likes you guys or not. I offered to help at the time. See ya later." On a whim, he poured some juice for Donnie and walked out with it, April moving to walk beside him..

Casey looked at Raph quizzically. "Whether she likes us? That's not what we talked about. We talked about my rivalry with Donnie. And she just said we're not a couple."

Raph stared blankly at Casey. "Hey, I dunno. This seems like something you should ask April."

"She's mad at me. But you think maybe she's using me or playing with me?"

"You want my honest opinion?"

Casey nodded.

"I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a girl who can't be direct. I'd rather have a girl just say no and let me move on. None of this wishy-washy waffling."

Casey sighed. "I wish it were that easy to just stop liking her. If it were, I'd have done it already. But I have to admit, you have a point. I wish she'd stop sending mixed messages and make a clear decision. It's like she doesn't want to choose one of us and then be stuck, but it's not fair to treat us this way."

"Well, April said that she liked you guys for different reasons. You're fun and Donnie's smart. I guess neither option is clearly better. In fact, I think she said she wished she could combine you two. In her dreams."

Casey and Raph sipped at their coffee thoughtfully. "No way I can ever be like Donnie. But then, I can't imagine Donnie being crazy and outgoing like me."

"I can offer this tidbit, though," Raph said encouragingly. "April seemed to really like riding mutant animals with you, and doing social things like dancing. I'm sure April likes us turtles and truly enjoys our company, but she's never going to mutate accidentally. She's always going to be part of the human world. Doesn't matter if she's part Kraang. She'd still probably be able to have children if she wanted. So I'd say that gives you an edge."

"Thing is, if she was clear about choosing me, Donnie would no longer be a rival. I get that April would need him to be all scientific with. Unless, of course, Donnie doesn't accept April's decision and keeps flirting with her."

Raph looked away awkwardly toward where Leo had gone. He was so much better at this kind of thing. How did Leo just know what to say? Raph drained his mug and Casey did the same. "Want to come hunting with us? Maybe bring April? Mikey can come, too. We could just make a day of it."

"Thought April and Mikey were busy with Donnie."

"Even if they say no, we can still offer. Hey, Leo," Raph yelled. "Wanna wait for April and Mikey? Maybe they wanna come with us."

Leo came over, not wanting to yell back. "Sure, okay. If April doesn't know how to shoot arrows, it's a good chance for her to learn. She'll have to learn if she's going to be a ninja."

"Hey," Casey spoke up, "I could teach her. That's something I guess we all have in common. Archery."

"Hopefully, she'll agree to come, then."

Raph headed upstairs and got his hunting gear, Casey following suit, as Leo headed back to his show. "April can borrow Donnie or Mikey's equipment if she comes along. We have it as part of our ninja supplies. Just that we don't get much opportunity to use arrows."

Casey grunted in acknowledgement and got his leftover food from April's room before heading downstairs with Raph, munching it and drinking another mug of coffee with him in companionable silence. They sat on either side of Leo, not paying much attention to the show but enjoying the relaxed mood.


	11. Acceptance

"Donnie, you in here?" Mikey called from the barn entrance. "I got juice if you want some. You hungry? Maybe come eat with us?"

"Hey, Mikey," Donnie called back, not looking up from his work. "Juice would be great, thanks. But no, I don't feel much like eating, and especially not in the same room as April and Casey."

April stiffened beside Mikey. Donnie hadn't seen her since he was busy working on more medicine for Leo. It took a fair bit of concentration, though not so much that he couldn't carry on simple conversations. Mikey waited until Donnie looked up from measuring a precise amount of mutagen into his concoction, which was slowly being heated, before handing over the glass. He smiled, but then it faltered when he noticed April. "Oh. Hey, April." His greeting was awkward and anything but excited. Indeed, he turned away to check on the medicine again, stirring it occasionally and not looking at her.

"Donnie," April replied frostily.

"Any particular reason you're here with Mikey?" Donnie asked, tone terse and aggravated.

"I originally had one, yes, but I think it doesn't exist anymore," April shot back.

"Thanks for the juice, Mikey. Can you save me some breakfast? I don't care if it's cold. I just don't feel much like socializing. I'll just eat alone later."

"Uh…Okay, dude." Mikey's tone was subdued, sad. "But bro? I think maybe you should talk to April." Mikey sat on a bale of hay and April did the same as Donnie worked at his burner, adding something to his mix.

"What's there to say, Mikey? She made her choice. I just wish she hadn't been so blatant about it. I mean, could have closed her door, at least."

"I didn't do it on purpose," April cut in. "What kind of girl do you take me for? It started as an innocent talk, just like this, and then it turned physical."

Donnie turned off the burner and took the medicine off it to cool, ladling it carefully into a glass pitcher and covering it tightly. He'd put it in their fridge in an hour or so. He began writing out a label to mark the pitcher clearly, so no one accidentally drank it. He turned to April as he attached the adhesive label, sighing wearily. "Look, I don't want to hear about it. I'm going to assume you know how I've always felt about you. So I'll assume you know why I don't want to hear about it. I really see no benefit in continuing this conversation. What was it you said? It'll only make things hurt more? Yeah, I'd say you had the right idea."

April gritted her teeth, determined not to flinch, but guilt and sorrow must have shown in her eyes because Donnie's expression turned sad rather than resentful. "Donnie, I'm sorry," April whispered, so quietly Donnie had to lean close to hear her.

"For what?" Donnie snapped irritably.

"I guess…I guess I'm sorry we're not the same species and can never be. I'm always going to be a human and like it or not, it matters. If you weren't mutated, you'd be a turtle, so no matter how you look at it, there was never any chance for us.

"Donnie, I value your friendship, your keen mind, our family and our team. I don't want to lose any of it over this. I don't want to have to leave because Casey and I are causing too much friction and Leo decides it's not worth the effort to try to make it work with you and us in the same room. The way I see it, if I remain single, you and Casey would be rivals. If I'm with one of you, you still might not get along, but at least, I'm not one more factor in your animosity and maybe that'd be enough to at least be allies. For the sake of the team.

"Donnie, we've worked together, spent time together, and you've been there for me when I needed a friend. But try as I might, I can't love you physically. And there's no way I can make myself do it, either, just like there's no way you can stop your feelings. I can't be the girl you need and you can't be the guy I need, not just because of species or lack of physical attraction, but because of who we are as people. In all honesty, I think you need a girl who's more diplomatic than me, more gentle, more kind. You bring out the worst in me and I don't know why. And whenever I try to be nice, it backfires, just like now. I've been trying to put off this conversation for as long as possible, but Raph and Leo are right. The tension between you, me, and Casey has to end."

"Maybe you and Casey should leave," Donnie said quietly. "Why should I be the only one who has to sacrifice something?"

"Dude," Mikey said worriedly, "this is April's farmhouse. You can't really tell her to leave. If we go back to New York and split up then, maybe. But it's no go right now. You know we can't leave with Leo injured. I feel for you, bro, even if I don't know exactly how hurt you are. But we need April and Casey. I think they need us, too. They're civilians, you know. April might be training as a ninja, but she's got nothing on us. Neither does Casey. Would you really want them to fend for themselves and then find out they've been killed 'cause we ditched them?"

Donnie sighed. "No. Not even Casey deserves that. I mean, if only for Raph's sake. Raph already lost Spike."

"And come on, Donnie. Admit it. Maybe you and April can't be a couple, but you need her. No one else can understand your science babble. And what about retromutagen for Karai and Kirby and maybe even Casey's family? Should all of them suffer 'cause you and April can't change yourselves?"

Donnie slapped the desk he was working at in frustration. Damn Mikey. He really knew how to go for the jugular.

Mikey grinned, knowing he'd won. "I'm sorry, bro." This time, when Mikey tried to hug Donnie, Donnie let him. Mikey held on until Donnie hugged him back. When they stepped apart, Mikey noted Donnie's defeated expression. "Dude, you got us. I know we give you a hard time and we're not April, but it's always been us and Sensei. We got your back, just like we got Leo's. What do they say with marriages? 'Till death do us part?' Yeah. Sounds about right."

Donnie found himself smiling. "Leo said that, too, you know. Not the marriage thing, but that it was us before April and Casey. There are so few beings in the world that mutants can trust. I'm lucky to have family. Maybe April's right. Maybe we're not compatible for more reasons than just the physical.

"April, I don't mean to be rude, but it'd be easier for me if I saw you as little as possible for a while. I know we can't avoid each other completely, but I'd appreciate it if you just let me approach you when I'm ready. I'm sorry it didn't work out between us, but don't worry. I don't blame you. I'm starting to learn life can't be controlled. The best we can do is pick up the pieces."

April simply nodded. The request was reasonable enough, since she was the one who broke Donnie's heart.

"Come on, April," Mikey said, patting her shoulder. "Let's go see about breakfast. Maybe I can make omelets. With cheese. How does that sound, Donnie? One of us can bring yours out here."

"Sounds tasty. Thanks, Mikey." Donnie nodded politely to April, trying to convey a lack of animosity and to provide some reassurance. April gave Donnie a small wave and she and Mikey left the same way they'd come, though this time, Mikey had an arm around April's shoulders.

When they entered the house, they saw Casey eating the last of a burrito. "Casey, is that the food you left last night?" April asked worriedly.

"Yep," Casey grinned. "But don't worry. I'm used to eating old food. I'll be fine."

"Ha!" Mikey grinned back. "You and me both, bro." Mikey and Casey knocked their fists together.

"Couldn't let Mikey's great cooking go to waste," Casey nodded firmly.

"Speaking of great cooking, are you guys hungry? I'm figuring we can have omelets for breakfast." Mikey glanced at Raph and Leo. "That okay with you two?"

"As long as it has cheese," Leo smiled. "You know how I like cheese."

"Me, too, bro. Ours'll have extra cheese."

Raph and Casey nodded enthusiastically. "I want cheese, but not so much that it's stringy," Raph requested.

"Could I get mine without cheese?" Casey asked. "The burrito already had some." April nodded in agreement with Casey.

"Okay," Mikey nodded. "So two with extra cheese, one with a little, and three with none. Donnie doesn't like cheese so he won't mind if his doesn't have any."

Mikey made Casey's and April's omelets first. When Donnie's and Raph's were done, he asked Raph to take Donnie's out to him. Raph obliged while the others ate with gusto. Mikey served Leo before finally sitting down to his own breakfast.

"This is much appreciated, Mikey," Leo said warmly. "Care to come on a hunting trip? You, too, April."

"Hunting?" asked Mikey. "You mean, killing things? No, thanks. You know how I am about hurting animals. I mean, I know it has to be done, but I'd rather have other people do it and just work with dead meat."

Leo nodded, unsurprised. He already expected that answer.

April looked unsure. "I don't think I'd be much help, but okay. It'd be nice to spend time away from the house and I could use some exercise to get my mind off the chat with Donnie."

"Went that badly, huh?" Leo asked in concern.

"It was pretty painful," April affirmed. "But I think Donnie will be okay with time. He just asked me to make myself scarce while he heals."

"Mmm hmmm," Leo grunted. "Donnie's always been that way. When he's sad, best to let him come to terms by himself, after reminding him he's not alone. He forgets sometimes."

"I reminded him," Mikey smiled. "He said you did, too."

Leo made an affirmative noise.

At the barn, Raph presented Donnie with his omelet. Donnie smiled and began eating. "Holding out okay?" Raph asked.

"Yeah. I'd be lying if I said I'm okay, but I'm sure I will be. I have the best brothers in the world. We mutants only have each other, and some mutants aren't lucky enough to have others who understand our situation."

Raph clapped Donnie on the shoulder and clasped his hand firmly. "I like the way you're thinking. Leo, Casey, April and I plan to go hunting after breakfast. I assume you won't wanna come. Hopefully, we'll bring a good amount of food back. Probably won't be back till dinner time."

"Okay. Good luck. Take care."

"You, too." With that, Raph left and joined the others.


	12. The Deer

After breakfast, Leo stood near the door, rummaging in his belt. He withdrew a compass and binoculars, as well as some soft energy bars. Frowning thoughtfully, he replaced the items and headed toward the kitchen again, grabbing a couple bottles of water and throwing them in his bag alongside medical supplies and a separate bag for his kills. Deciding he had everything he needed for a day out, he addressed the rest of the hunting party. "Got everything you need? Compass, first aid, snacks, water, maybe sunscreen and insect repellent for April and Casey? We don't have working T-Phones, so we'll have to manage without for today."

"Dude, thanks for reminding me," Casey remarked, heading upstairs again. He came back with a bottle of sunscreen, having already applied some to his exposed skin. He offered the bottle to April, who took it with a smile and put it on. While they were at it, they applied insect repellent as well. Casey stowed both items in his bag when they were done. By this time, Raph stood by Leo, though it was clear he was anxious to be off by the way he kept looking at the door and back to Casey and April.

Leo nodded to the group and headed outside. Donnie and Mikey had come out to see them off. "Good hunting, dudes. I can't wait to have fresh meat for dinner," Mikey enthused, ever the optimist.

"Be safe, guys," Donnie put in, more worried about medical issues that could occur from uneven terrain or falling out of trees.

"See you in the afternoon," Leo said somberly, mind already focused on the mission ahead.

Everyone waved as Leo and Raph began their trek into the forest. The humans made more noise than the turtles, so Leo didn't have to check to see if they were following. Eventually, he stopped at a creek and turned to address the group again. "Okay, since I'm injured, I think Raph and I should stay on this side of the water. Casey and April, you should hunt across the way. I think too many of us in one place will make it harder to stalk and ambush prey. We're hunting small game. That's what our arrows are designed for." He drew an arrow and knocked it to his bowstring. It was tipped with a scalloped head. He crept away, hiding behind bushes. There was a flurry of movement from birds taking to the air and then a twang as Leo's arrow whistled straight into the neck of one of them. Leo retrieved his kill and withdrew his arrow, replacing it in his quiver and putting the bird in his bag.

Not to be outdone, Raph drew his own arrow, which was tipped with a more triangular head, raised his bow, and stayed perfectly still. He bent his bow slowly, waiting, watching. A hapless squirrel came leaping within range, and Raph's arrow got it in the chest, killing it instantly. Leo nodded calmly to Raph, saluting respectfully. "Good shooting," he smiled.

"You, too. I'll bet I kill more than you."

"You're on," Leo nodded.

April looked sadly at the dead squirrel, which Raph was putting in his own bag. She noted that none of the guys seemed phased at all that these creatures were alive five minutes ago. Leo and Raph were even making it a competition. She was pulled from her thoughts by Leo speaking again.

"We should meet back here in a few hours. Take a break. Maybe have lunch. We can assess if we still need to hunt or go home at that time, too."

"Got it," Casey confirmed. "Come on, April. Let's get going. I, at least, have to do my share of hunting. See you later."

April nodded to Raph and Leo and she and Casey waded across the creek. Raph and Leo, without needing to say anything, separated to find individual hunting grounds. Leo checked his compass and saw that he was heading west. Making a note of that, he realized he was walking into the wind and decided he'd stalk. Raph decided to sit in a tree and ambush. If the wind changed, they would change their methodology.

Casey and April moved deeper into the woods, leaves crunching underfoot. They came upon a tree stump suitable to practice on, and Casey showed April how to aim and carry herself. April was nervous and her unsteadiness with her bow was evident. "You have to calm down, April. If you shake like that, your aim will be off. It's all about timing and steadiness."

"I can't. I'm still kind of shocked about Raph and Leo killing animals."

"Why?" Casey asked. "How else are we supposed to eat?"

"No, I get that. It's just…I guess I never thought too much about the guys being ninja. That they kill, that I might have to kill. I always just thought ninjutsu was self-defense."

"Isn't it?"

"Well, yeah. And strengthening mind and spirit. Sensei never said it was about killing defenseless creatures or committing murder."

"Well, he's a good ninja, like the turtles. The Foot murder and victimize the weak. But they aren't good like them."

"True. The Foot have no morals, no concern for each other and anyone else."

"Yeah. Anyway, you might need archery for self-defense. I'm gonna go help with the hunt. You should practice hitting tree stumps. I'm going to go east, so if you need me for something, you can just head that way and we should eventually meet up."

"Okay," April affirmed, beginning to walk in the opposite direction.

April practiced shooting for a while. The more she did it, the more she actually hit her stumps. Sometimes, the wind shifted and pushed her arrows off course, but she was learning to expect it and not get frustrated when she missed. She made sure to collect all the arrows, whose heads seemed to be made of rubber. Raph had gotten them for her and said the equipment belonged to Donnie, so April didn't want to lose any of his gear. She reflected that while Leo and Raph's arrows had metal tips clearly designed to kill or wound, Donnie's arrows seemed defensive in comparison. Maybe the speed alone could kill a small animal, but she doubted his arrowheads would do serious harm to a human. She was sure Raph and Leo's arrows would draw blood on a human and even get stuck in their flesh. April hadn't had a close look at Casey's arrows, but was sure his would be painful, too. After all, Casey was a hockey player.

As April practiced her shooting, she was walking randomly, just going to the next suitable target and not paying much attention to her direction. Suddenly, she spotted tracks on the ground. She began following them, not sure where they would go. As she walked, she began to see that the tracks were uneven, as though the creature that made them couldn't walk straight. And then she noticed the blood.

Gasping a little, she followed the blood trail to a thicket. Partially hidden, a doe lay on the ground, clearly still bleeding. The doe had bite marks on its exposed flank and she thought the poor animal had been scratched with claws. Maybe the deer had outrun its pursuer but had weakened from blood loss. The doe raised its head and looked in her direction. It tried to get up but collapsed again. April stood uncertainly, not sure what she could do, if anything. She began to approach the deer, who tried to get up again, managing to stand shakily. As April came closer, the deer reared up in preparation to strike. April stopped and retreated, and the deer lay down again.

Remembering Casey's words, she decided to go look for him. She made a note of where the deer was and started backtracking, careful not to disturb the trail she followed. She stopped mid-stride when a hopping rabbit fell practically at her feet. She bent down and picked it up gingerly, pulling the arrow from its flank. She saw that the arrowhead was similar to Raph's and had penetrated far enough to cause fatal damage. Casey came down from a nearby tree and took the rabbit from her, nodding gratefully.

"Casey, I found a deer. It's injured, maybe dying. You think Donnie could help it? It's lost a lot of blood, but it's not dead yet. It was awake enough to threaten me when I came too close. I think something attacked it and it ran away."

"I don't know. What if Donnie comes out here and it's already dead?"

"Yeah. But I can't just leave it there."

"Let's go find Leo and ask him."

April and Casey crossed the creek again, staying close to trees and bushes. They saw Leo's cane propped against a tree and April called to him.

Leo lowered his bow, grimacing as his intended squirrel scampered off. Annoyed, he climbed down from his tree slowly and leaned against it, acknowledging April with a raised hand. "What's the problem? I'm assuming there is one, since it's not lunch time yet."

April told him about the deer she found, described the injuries she could see, and noted it was strong enough to threaten her when she tried to get a closer look at the doe's wounds. "Do you think Donnie could help it?" she asked hopefully.

Leo shook his head slowly. "I can't really make a judgment without having seen the deer, but intuition says we should just leave it alone. Getting Donnie could be a waste of everyone's time, as well as being a source of contention since you and Casey are involved. I'm sad to hear the doe was injured by something and may not survive, but I think it prudent for all involved to forget the whole thing and carry on with our objective."

"You're just going to let it die?" April asked incredulously, eyes flashing angrily.

"April, it's not our concern. That deer isn't part of our family. I don't even think it wants our interference. Both of you stay away from it. It poses a danger."

"But it's injured, Leo. How can you, in good conscience, not care about that? The Kraang and the Shredder are dangerous, too, and you don't leave them alone."

"Apples and oranges, April," Leo snapped in irritation. "The Kraang and the Foot are true threats. The deer is a possible threat, but a threat not worth confronting. The deer isn't going to kill innocent people or us if we leave it alone.

"I'm wasting time as is. I have to catch more food. You and Casey should do the same. The deer's plight is unfortunate but it happens. Mind your own business and we'll meet back for lunch." Leo climbed back up the tree and sat at a fork in the branches. April and Casey went back the way they came.

April began grumbling to Casey, heading back to the deer's location. "How can he be so heartless? He only cares about that competition with Raph. Looks like his bag is nearly full. He's so set on goals he doesn't have room for compassion."

Casey didn't respond. He knew that when people were in this kind of mood, it was best to stay quiet, lest you also earn their wrath. Privately, he wasn't sure Leo was heartless. Too serious and uptight, maybe, but not without mercy.

Casey noticed the tracks on the ground and immediately recognized them as made by a deer. It wasn't long before they made it to the thicket again. The deer was still there, but she didn't move or acknowledge them like the last time. Casey had the sinking feeling that it would probably be kinder to kill the animal, but there was no way to do it efficiently. April kept her distance but Casey managed to get close enough to the deer to actually touch it. He thought maybe he could stop the bleeding somehow.

It was then that the deer snapped to life, picking itself up and lashing out at Casey with her pointy feet. Her hooves cut through his jeans and scraped and bruised his legs. There was an angry gash in his thigh and as he was stumbling back in surprise, the doe threw herself at him and shoved Casey to the ground, thorns getting caught on his shirt and scratching his arm. Casey lay stunned, trying to catch his breath. The deer kicked at his ribs when April snapped out of her shock and began trying to pull Casey away from the frightened animal. Casey tried to get his feet under him to help April move him but yelled in pain as his ankle protested. Casey suspected that when he fell, it twisted the wrong way. He hoped it wasn't broken.

Cradling Casey's head and shoulders against her chest, April dragged him along the ground, Casey helping as best as he could. The deer pursued them some ten yards before taking cover again.

Using a tree for leverage, Casey pulled himself to his feet. Blood was seeping from the puncture wound in his thigh. Grunting in pain, Casey lowered himself to the ground again as April cut his pant leg open and staunched the bleeding with some gauze. "I think my ankle's sprained," he gasped. "Raph will have to help me get home."

"I'll go find him," April murmured, kissing Casey on the lips. "I hate to leave you here by yourself, but I guess there's not much choice. Just secure the bandage around your leg. Probably best not to try to clean the wound out here when we're close to home."

Casey nodded, applying pressure to his thigh as April got up and jogged away.


	13. Crushed

April ran toward the agreed-upon rendezvous point, having no idea where Raph could be and not really wanting to waste time. If the guys weren't there, she figured she'd search methodically, but it was good to have a reference. She called to Raph periodically and skidded to a halt when the turtle somersaulted from a tree and landed in front of her. He was holding his bow, an arrow still attached to the string but the string slack in his fingers.

"April, what's the matter?" Raph looked worried. "Don't tell me. There's some mutant on the loose, isn't there?"

"No. But Casey's hurt. He needs your help to get to Donnie. We've managed to stop the bleeding, but his ankle is injured."

"Huh? Okay, lead the way."

April streaked away again, Raph leaping after her. He considered how much faster she could run compared to before, when she couldn't keep up. He could still probably move faster, but she'd improved noticeably. Raph saw Casey sitting with his back to the tree and slowed to a jog until he got close enough to speak normally to him.

"Casey, what happened?" Raph noticed the thigh wound first, and then how Casey's foot was turned inward. Casey had both legs out in front of him on the ground, and Raph saw both of them had raw skin, small cuts, and lots of bruises. Casey was rubbing his ribs gingerly as well.

"Oh, a deer kicked me," Casey smirked, trying to be nonchalant. April shook her head in disapproval.

"What? There's a crazy deer on the loose?" Raph glanced at his sais, frowning worriedly. "We'd better get Leo and get out of here, then. Not like we're equipped to handle that just now."

"No," April said, looking away guiltily. "She's not crazy. I found her in a thicket, bleeding from what looked like some animal attack. Casey got too close and the deer attacked him."

"What?" Now Raph was angry. "Casey, why are you always screwing up missions like this? You're as bad as Mikey! What made you think you could handle a hundred fifty pound deer? Maybe more? Ugh. Come on. Let's get going." Raph replaced his arrow in his quiver, holstered his bow over his back, and hoisted Casey to his feet by grabbing him around the torso. Raph walked on Casey's injured side and supported him with an arm around his waist. April walked on Casey's other side and they began their slow trek toward home.

"Hey, I was just trying to help the deer," Casey protested.

"You mean, you were being an idiot again!" Raph fumed. "Like how you managed to get caught by the Kraang because you were goofing off."

"I was bored," Casey complained.

"That's not an excuse!" Raph snarled. "Man, now I know how Leo feels."

"Yeah. You're no fun anymore. Getting to be too much like him," Casey muttered.

Raph stopped abruptly, staring at Casey in disbelief. "I can't believe you just…First of all, I'm not Leo. Secondly, I don't think he'd appreciate having me compared to him. And thirdly, maybe it's you who needs to grow up!"

It was Casey's turn to stare in shock. In the silence, leaves rustled and twigs snapped as Leo approached the little group.

"Well, so much for silence," Leo quipped sarcastically. "Raph's right, you know. He's not me. If he were, he'd enjoy meditation, books without pictures, and proverbs. He'd also have held out longer before starting to yell." Leo smirked at Raph. "No hard feelings, hmmm? Just stating facts." Leo's smirk turned into a conciliatory smile. Raph chuckled in answer.

Leo looked Casey up and down, noting tears in his shirt and pants, scratches on his arms, the way he was leaning on Raph as they began walking again, the way he limped. He noted the bandage around Casey's thigh and the minor abrasions to his legs and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Casey, seems clear you were dragged along the ground and that your right leg is injured. Presumably, you tripped and fell the wrong way. How?" Leo spoke with an undercurrent of menace. He already had some idea of what might have happened because through his entire exchange with Raph, April had carefully avoided his eyes.

"Hey, I don't need to be lectured by you," Casey snapped. "I don't have to answer to you. I never agreed to your leadership. Maybe your brothers did, but I'm only really here for April at this point. Raph sucks up to you and I don't answer to Splinter, either. I'm not his family like you guys are. And you know how I feel about rats."

April gasped in horror and Leo looked incredulous. Raph would have enjoyed Leo's speechlessness if the circumstances were happier. Leo's hand tightened on his cane. "Very well. I'll be more direct. Were you injured by that deer you told me about? The one I said to stay away from?"

Casey scowled, which was answer enough, and Raph looked curious. "They told you about it?"

Leo nodded. "I basically said it wasn't worth getting involved and to just carry on as if the deer didn't exist. Why can't people follow simple instructions?" Leo sighed in exasperation.

April spoke up. "We didn't know the deer would attack him. She didn't move when we came near, and Casey wanted to help with her wounds."

"Okay, I don't have to tell you guys about the size of a deer, their hooves and teeth, and the fact we don't really have the strength as a group to subdue one. I probably also don't have to remind you that it's not like we had the means to tranquilize or shoot it with a gun. Why did you get involved when I said not to?"

"We didn't have the heart to ignore what we saw," April snapped. "You didn't even come to look at her."

"Why should I have?" Leo rejoined. "There was nothing I could have done. Would have just caused unnecessary stress." He looked pointedly at Casey. "Wait, never mind."

"Yeah, and because of your injury, we can't look for our families," April grumbled. "How did you get that injury again? Oh yeah. You were ambushed. And why were you ambushed? Because you were trying to help us. Maybe I should start blaming you for the inconvenience your injuries caused because you were trying to do something good and it backfired."

Leo looked stricken, eyes full of pain. April's eyes widened in fear and guilt as she realized she'd gone too far. Raph reached out hesitantly, but then withdrew his hand as Leo stepped away and his shoulders slumped. "No. She's right, Raph. I wouldn't have been injured if I'd obeyed Sensei and not argued with Donnie. I guess I'm no better than Casey. Maybe you should lead the team. What difference would it make to Casey? He already doesn't like you. To me, that sounds like leadership material."

"What? Leo, we already tried that, remember? Do I have to remind you how badly it turned out?"

Leo sighed sadly. "No, you don't. But it's clear I don't have what it takes. If I did, people wouldn't disobey so often or I'd be better at maintaining control."

"Leo…"

But Leo cut him off with a raised hand. "Here." He gave Raph his bag of assorted birds and rodents. "You'll have to tell me later who won our game. If you lead the team this time, I'll accept it. Maybe that's why it went so badly last time. I…I need to be alone for a while." With that, Leo turned away and trudged back the way they'd come without a backward glance.

Raph stared at the bag of game in his hand and slung it over his shoulder before he could throw it in anger. He looked at April and glared at her, then at Casey, who had enough empathy to know something was horribly wrong. "April, go tell Donnie how Casey was injured and the kinds he as. Move. I can only go so fast with him."

April was still staring after Leo. "But Leo…I didn't mean…"

"April, it's too late. You already hurt him. And don't give me that BS about 'I didn't mean it.' You sure as hell did, or you wouldn't have said it. Now move!"

April glared at Raph, but obeyed, walking at a normal speed ahead of them. She was staring at the ground.

"Faster, April," Raph barked. "Donnie needs time to prepare, you know."

She turned around, one hand balled into a fist. "Oh, so you're leader now? I was under the impression it was still Leo."

"Well, he's not here at the moment. Stop wasting time."

She ran home, this time in anger, while Raph and Casey carried on carefully. Wouldn't do for Raph to get injured, too.


	14. Fractured

April barged into the barn, only to find it deserted. "Donnie?" she called. Frowning thoughtfully, she headed to the house. Mikey was in the kitchen warming up a pizza. She could tell by the smell of sauce and cheese. Hearing the TV, she found Donnie watching _Happy Feet._

Donnie looked around when she came in the living room. "April? Has something happened? We weren't expecting you till later."

"It's Casey," April answered, noting Donnie's frown. "He's probably twisted his ankle. He got too close to an injured deer and it knocked him down and kicked him. His ribs seem sore, too, but I think I pulled him away in time to save them from being fractured. He doesn't seem to have difficulty breathing. He also has minor scrapes and scratches from thorns. Can you help him? I'll stay out of your way, as you asked. Raph just sent me ahead to tell you they're coming."

"Too close to a deer? I think there's a story there. Only an injured ankle? Sure, I can look him over. But he shouldn't walk on that foot for a couple days. He has to stay home. You know the routine. Get the medical supplies and make sure we have ice packs."

April did as requested. They always had ice packs. In a family of warriors, it was a given they would be needed fairly regularly. She waited in the kitchen with Donnie and Mikey. The little group heard Raph and Casey arrive and Donnie went out to meet them.

"So I heard there was a mishap that cut the hunting trip short. At least, it looks like it was still productive." Donnie nodded to the bags of game and looked closely at Casey leaning on Raph. At least, Casey's ankles looked normal. A good sign. "Better come into the kitchen and get the wounds cleaned up first. Where's Leo, by the way? Did he decide he wanted to stay out hunting? I hope he's close to home, in that case."

Raph pressed his lips together angrily and shook his head. "I wish it was that simple," he muttered resentfully.

Donnie watched the way Casey moved as they entered the kitchen. Casey stripped off his shirt and cleaned the wounds on his arms at the sink. He got a bucket from under the sink and filled it with lukewarm water and sat on a chair, cleaning his legs.

"Leo's not hurt, is he?" Donnie pressed. "No. If he were, he'd be here instead of Casey. He's not dead or you guys would have said so right away. So where is he?"

April left the kitchen quietly. Donnie saw Raph glaring at her retreating back. Mikey hovered at the entrance, knowing he was not needed to help Casey or Donnie with Raph there but wanting to know where Leo was as well.

Raph put the game they'd caught in the fridge. While he was turned away from the others, he said, "Leo left. I don't know where he is. He didn't say where he was going, just that he had to be alone."

"What?" Mikey and Donnie reacted simultaneously. Donnie said, "Why?" and Mikey said, "Maybe I should go look for him."

Raph's eyes flicked to Casey and narrowed. "Maybe you guys should ask him."

Casey fidgeted uncomfortably and stared at his injured ankle. Remembering why they were in the kitchen, Donnie touched the ankle and prodded it gently. Casey's leg twitched on occasion but Donnie found no breaks. "Well, you're in luck. You should stay off your foot for a couple days and then start exercising it." He wrapped a compression bandage around Casey's leg and Raph got an ice pack. "Are your ribs okay?"

"I think so," Casey nodded. "Just bruised."

Donnie felt them just in case and nodded in agreement. "Let's get you to the couch and you can lie down and elevate that foot and apply ice."

Raph and Donnie helped Casey to the couch and Mikey followed them unobtrusively.

"I guess Casey's too guilty to tell you about Leo," Raph said. "The short version of the story is that Casey basically told Leo he's not his leader and he never agreed to follow him. And April called Leo uncaring and said his injury is his fault and an inconvenience that stops us from looking for our families."

Donnie was helping Casey get settled but released him as though burned. Mikey was actually glaring at Casey. "You and April what?" he fairly screamed.

Donnie bowed his head, cheeks flushing in shame. "April said that? About Leo? That it was his fault he was injured? I thought April was kinder than that."

"You're lucky you guys didn't see his face," Raph snapped. "I don't think I'm ever going to forget. They broke his heart. Both of them. I know all of us have scorned his leadership and we give him a hard time, but somehow, coming from April and Casey, I could almost see him crumble."

Mikey stared at Casey, frozen, before he finally spoke. "How could you? I thought you guys loved him," Mikey whimpered, eyes full of tears as he turned and ran upstairs to his room.

Donnie looked at Casey's face but didn't really see it. He looked at the ankle, propped up with pillows as Raph put the ice on it, which he did register. He nodded to Raph. "Casey, you can have April. I think you deserve each other. Raph, I'll go sit with Mikey. I guess you're leader again, huh?"

"Nope," Raph answered. "Leo still is. Casey and April might not agree, but I think our opinions matter more. I guess I have to do it while he's away, but he'll be back. He said if I were leader, he'd actually accept it. That's how far he's fallen. He's not himself. The Leo I know would guard his position jealously and tell me I'd get us killed as leader."

Donnie didn't answer, just got up, made eye contact with Raph, and headed upstairs.

Raph went into the kitchen and counted the kills he and Leo had made. It turned out to be a draw. He checked on the pizza, which looked ready. Removing it from the oven, he cut it and put a few slices on a plate, bringing it upstairs to Donnie and Mikey's room. Mikey wasn't crying now, but he looked just as dispirited as Leo had. Donnie was sitting beside Mikey on his bed, an arm around Mikey's shoulders. Raph set the plate on a table between their beds and watched as Mikey looked at the pizza and then looked back at Donnie, clearly not hungry. Raph shrugged, leaving the plate there and making plates for himself and Casey. They ate in silence in the living room, a hockey game on TV. When Raph got up to get more pizza for himself, he made another plate and headed upstairs with both of them, knocking on April's closed door. April opened it and did a double take.

"Thought you'd just let me starve," she muttered.

"Leo wouldn't. I would, but he wouldn't. So here." He proffered her plate. "It's not poisoned, I promise."

April took the plate, avoiding eye contact, and set it on her nightstand before coming back to the door. Making eye contact, she said, "Thanks for the food. And I'm not blaming Leo. I was just trying to make a point. Of course, his injury isn't his fault. I guess it just came out wrong."

"Maybe. But Casey meant what he said. He doesn't consider Leo leader and did manage to insult Sensei indirectly. Knowing how important both issues are to Leo, I'm not sure Casey's really worth the trouble anymore. If he doesn't want to be on the team, he can leave. Yeah, it's nice to have a friend who likes to brawl as much as I do, but Leo's honestly more important. Casey has you. Leo needs us, his brothers. Casey went too far this time."

"Wait, so you're kicking him off the team?" April asked.

"I think he was the one who left. You can go or stay. I don't much care. I don't think Donnie does, either, anymore." Raph backed up and pulled April's door closed, going to the room he shared with Casey and eating on his bed.


	15. Loneliness and Loyalty

Leo walked beside the creek, wishing he could go swimming. He missed the pool in their lair. The responsible part of his brain, however, cautioned against swimming without someone nearby to look out for him. Yet another inconvenience his injured knee caused. If one of his brothers were here, he was sure he'd have obliged, maybe even joined in.

Abandoning that idea, he kept walking. His thoughts turned to the day he and his brothers could finally see the world and how Splinter was so reluctant to let them go. They'd all been so eager, so curious, so disappointed when he'd initially said no. He remembered it was he who'd convinced him to let them explore. He'd understood even then Splinter's conflicting feelings - desire to protect, the fear of loss, and the knowledge that to deny his sons freedom and growth was doing them a disservice. How ironic, then, that he should be the one injured. Then again, Leo supposed the outcome was inevitable. Coming out of hiding meant the Shredder would find them, and the Shredder was hatred personified.

Maybe…Maybe it was he who was to blame for the Kraang invasion because he selfishly desired to go on adventures. Who knew that one act, going topside, would start such a chain reaction? If he and his brothers had just stayed home, they'd still have a home.

Then again, he'd never have met Karai. Right. The same girl who tried to kill him, created a Kraang monster just because she wanted to have fun, and would have lead Tiger Claw to their lair. Not that it would have really mattered if it was found, since it no longer existed. And that wasn't Karai's fault. It was April's.

Leo found himself wanting to talk to Karai. Why couldn't he hate her? He really should. It wasn't just because Karai was connected with Splinter, either. He still admired her resourcefulness, her keen ninja skills, her fire and her compassion. Compassion? He supposed he was drawn to the fact that even when Karai wished to kill him, she treated him like an individual. He wasn't just a mutant turtle. He was Leo, someone who made her curious, someone she could talk to, and someone she'd once cared enough about to be angry at.

But now, things were different, weren't they? He'd failed her. And even if he hadn't, he wasn't the turtle he used to be. Still, he longed to hear her voice, even if it was to yell at him. At least then, he'd know for sure.

Leo came upon a cave and ducked inside. He noted the change in temperature immediately. The shade was actually a welcome relief from the warmth of afternoon. He'd been walking for an hour or so, he judged, based on how tired he was. He explored the cave and found it was not that big. Still, it was big enough that he could lie down comfortably, though he couldn't quite stand all the way up. He went as far back as he could and sat against the wall, facing the entrance. He sipped at his water and ate his food. If only his heart could be soothed so easily.

Leo tried to meditate, but he was just too sad. He couldn't find the peace he needed. He longed for Splinter, who always seemed to know what to do, how to ground him, how to be simultaneously empathetic and realistic. Sure, sometimes the truth hurt, but Splinter had never lead him wrong. Never. If he was hard on him and his brothers, it was only because underneath, Splinter was a father and feared losing them. His protectiveness was just going into overdrive. As someone who was a brother and a leader, Leo understood both sides of the issue.

"I wish you were here, Sensei," Leo murmured forlornly. "I need you. I can't lead the team by myself. They aren't loyal to me. Or at least, they aren't unified in their loyalty. How can we work together with this kind of disunity? You'd never have let this happen."

With a defeated sigh, Leo pulled his head into his shell and went to sleep. Perhaps he'd feel better when he woke up. And if he didn't, at least the pain would be less raw. Hopefully.

When Leo came home a few hours later, the house was quiet. Not even the TV was on. He found Casey asleep on the couch, injured leg still propped up but the ice pack long since melted. Leo took it off his ankle and put it back in the freezer. Ice Cream Kitty mewed a greeting. One side of Leo's mouth quirked up and he patted the cat's head gently before closing the door as softly as possible. Every sound was so loud. Leo wondered if everyone had eaten and just fallen asleep as he had.

Leo stopped off at his little cell of a room and put his gear down beside his desk. The room only contained the desk, a trash can lined with a paper bag, a wooden chair with a cushion on it, and a folding futon which was currently propped against one wall. When open, the futon covered much of the floor and was big enough for a couple people to lie on comfortably, but Leo didn't like it taking up the floor when it wasn't being used. Any really personal touches to his room were lost with the lair.

Leo climbed the stairs carefully and found Raph in his room, awake and brooding. Nodding to him, he went to check on Donnie and Mikey. Donnie wasn't in the room but Mikey looked to have cried himself to sleep. Leo frowned sadly and lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. To Leo's mild surprise, Mikey stirred at the touch and lifted his head, gasping in joy as he saw Leo had returned. "Leo!" Mikey yelped happily.

"Hey, Mikey," Leo acknowledged dully. "I'm not abandoning you guys again. It didn't go so well that one time. But then, I'm sure you remember."

Mikey's good mood faded instantly and turned sad. "No one knew where you'd gone, so I worried. Raph told Donnie and me what April and Casey said. I'm sorry, dude. Like Raph said, we all have been pretty hard on you about the whole leadership thing. But you know me and Donny. We don't want the job. And even Raph doesn't want it. And I don't know about everyone else, but if Casey or April want your position, I'm not going along with it."

"Me, neither," Raph said from the doorway, walking in and sitting on Donnie's bed. "Figuring Donnie would agree. He actually said April deserved Casey. Guess it's safe to say Donnie's let go of her. Seriously, anyone with even half a brain would know Casey's no leader. As for April, I wouldn't follow her, either. She's too emotional."

"It's important for leaders to have emotion, compassion," Leo lectured, sitting on Mikey's bed.

"Yeah, but they also have to be tough enough to make people listen and to do the logical thing," Raph countered. "April just doesn't have what it takes."

Leo nodded in agreement. "It's a difficult balance, knowing when to be empathetic and when to be goal-oriented. I'm still working on that."

"Well, so's Sensei," Raph replied. "If he hasn't worked it out perfectly yet, it's probably impossible. But hey, you're better with the feelings, so I guess that's why Sensei picked you to lead. I think I speak for all of us turtles when I say you have our support. If Casey and April don't want to be part of the team anymore, that's on them. But we aren't abandoning you."

"Is Donnie in the barn?" Leo asked. "I may as well go make sure he's on the same page as you two."

"Probably. I don't know."

Leo looked over at Mikey with concern. Mikey offered a reassured smile. Leo looked at Raph, who smirked confidently. "You're wasting your time, but of course, you have to be thorough. Hey Mikey, how about I help you butcher the animals we caught and you can cook them? Leo's probably hungry."

"An early dinner sounds really good right about now," Leo encouraged.

Mikey jumped up and Raph trailed him downstairs. Leo found Donnie in his lab, reading some kind of health or medical journal. After recapping the discussion upstairs, Donnie proved Raph right. If only Leo could properly appreciate his brothers' loyalty. It was ironic that when he finally had everyone's agreement, he didn't feel like upholding his end of the deal.


	16. A House Divided

Dinner was a tense, awkward affair with April and Mikey sharing the kitchen preparing different foods. April was baking some frozen chicken for herself and Casey while Mikey was seasoning the animals the guys caught in preparation for cooking them outside over a fire. April hadn't kicked the turtles out; neither group wanted to eat with the other. Both groups ate without much conversation. What was there to say, really?

Since Casey couldn't really move too much, it was decided he and April could have the living room mostly to themselves. Leo usually kept to his room, though sometimes, he'd go upstairs and visit his brothers. When the humans and the turtles did inevitably collide, they greeted or avoided each other, depending who the parties were. Donnie and Mikey ignored April and Casey entirely. Leo would nod formally to both of them. Raph either ignored or glared at them depending on mood.

Though the sounds of sports on TV and media from tablets or laptops wafted through the house, they did nothing to lighten the mood. If anything, the fact they were coming from the ground floor and the upstairs bedrooms only emphasized the separation of the team into individuals.

At first, the split was received well. It was nice to have an impromptu vacation from the team mentality. Everyone could do what they wanted, when they wanted. Raph and Casey could sleep until mid-morning. Mikey could play video games, read comics, and watch TV to his heart's content. Donnie could pursue his own research and not always be thinking about what was practical for the group. Leo could sometimes be found doing crosswords with Donnie, sparring with Raph, reading a comic with Mikey, or pursuing his own interests in reading material. Leo liked history, a wide range of fiction from drama to fantasy to thrillers, and self-help books.

Leo was the only one who kept up ninjutsu training with any regularity. Raph sometimes joined him for the physical aspects. More infrequently, Donnie and Mikey joined them, but it was very dependent on their moods. April didn't have the heart to train. She knew she should, but it just reminded her of the family that was so close, yet separated by a chasm of her own making.

As the weeks wore on, everyone began to feel listless. Recreational pursuits held their interest less and less. Mikey and Donnie would train more often with Raph and Leo. Mikey even did some chores, though the house was really neglected. People did the minimum to remain comfortable. That meant that though meals were made, dishes cleaned, and firewood supplied, house cleaning took a back seat. Clothes weren't washed regularly. Even the chickens were sometimes forgotten, though Mikey and April were most likely to tend to them.

The only time Leo's room door was open these days was when he wasn't there. When the team existed, Leo's door was usually open, unless he was in serious meditation or sleeping. Sometimes, his brothers or April would seek him out either to talk, to do something together, or to inform him that they or some other team members were going out. Leo found he didn't want intrusions on his solitude. Selfish? Perhaps. But what use was a leader to the team, anyway? The way he saw it, he was only really needed for combat, and now that he was injured, not even that. Everyone got along fine as individuals before they met each other, so what was the harm?

And yet, Leo knew something was off. He considered how he should be glad he didn't have leadership duties to attend to. But he wasn't. Sure, the job was tiring in the sense that you never really got a break. You either were or weren't leader. It wasn't a case of being a student, for example, or having a job, where there's a set timeframe for the role. It was a given that Leo ran the patrols they used to do, but even in the lair, he served as Splinter's second-in-command. No, he was not formally leader at home, but Splinter still expected him to be aware of risks to his brothers and to be mature enough not to put himself in needless danger. When Leo really thought about it, he had always served as leader. The only difference was that it was formally acknowledged when they began to leave the lair regularly. It became a major part of his identity as a ninja and a Hamato. To be told he was not a leader made him wonder if he was anything without that status. He wasn't strong like Raph or agile like Mikey or academically gifted like Donnie. When he was uninjured, he could claim to be the most skilled ninja - well-rounded and well-balanced. As leader, he could say his balance complemented his role. But now, he couldn't claim any of that. The team was broken and he didn't have the faith or desire to fix it. He was leader in name only, and in practice, it had always been that way. Maybe the current situation was wrong, but loyalty was different from respect, and as far as Leo could tell, he didn't have any of the latter. From anyone. How could he mend a team that didn't want to be one? Why waste the energy when no one would obey anyway?

Still, Leo could see that everyone, humans included, now lacked purpose and drive. As a team, at least theoretically, they were bound by shared goals. Alone, each being was just one life among many. This was clearly not enough for sentients like themselves. Maybe there was such a thing as too much freedom.

April, meanwhile, was finding that without splinter and the turtles in their lives, she and Casey had little to talk about. Their interests weren't the same, he wasn't very conversational, and April didn't care for sports all that much. She and Donnie could spend an entire day in his lab, going over math or science problems, talking about science fiction or fantasy books, or even watching romantic comedies together. Maybe she and Donnie could have a picnic on a rooftop, complete with candles and slow dancing. She was sad they could never go out to a restaurant, though, or to a concert or even the library. Such simple things that she took for granted. Casey, though, probably wouldn't want to do those things.

April was sitting alone in her room. She sighed bitterly. Now, Donnie wouldn't even look at her, much less talk to her. And she couldn't blame him. Of course, he was loyal to Leo. He should be. She'd spoken in anger and hurt their leader. Casey might not consider him such, but she still did.

What had she gotten herself into? She'd made the wrong choice romantically, wasn't able to love Donnie in that way, and basically alienated her adopted family.

She knew she had to end things with Casey. Both of them had to talk to Leo. But with Casey injured, how could she now say she didn't want to be his girlfriend? Then again, there was never really a good time to say that.

Squaring her shoulders and holding her head up, she got up off her bed and marched downstairs. Casey was engrossed in the game he was watching and didn't notice her. She tapped him on the shoulder. Casey turned his head and acknowledged her. "Casey, I need your full attention."

"Can whatever it is wait until after the game?"

April sighed in exasperation. "No, because you'll either be asleep or watching something else. We have to talk now."

Casey huffed but muted the TV.

"No, Casey. You can still watch it. Full attention, remember?"

It was Casey's turn to sigh melodramatically. He switched off the TV grudgingly.

"I'm just going to get straight to the point," April said briskly, looking Casey straight in the eyes. "I just want to be friends. And before you ask, it's not because of Donnie. I'm finding romance isn't all it's cracked up to be. You and I, we've lost our friends, our families. We share this house with them and we can't even talk to them. They either ignore us or just offer a token greeting. They never include us in their activities. We're not even allies anymore. At least, an ally would feel free to approach without fear of being yelled at. I want them back. And you do, too. Don't lie. If that means we can't be together, it's a price I'm willing to pay."

"I don't need them," Casey snapped. "And if you don't need me, I may as well leave. There's no real reason for me to be here anymore."

"But where would you go?" April asked, suddenly worried. "Besides, your ankle's still healing."

"Well, when I'm healed, I'll leave. No point staying where I'm not wanted."

"But you wouldn't be happy like that. You'd be alone. When we met, you were sullen and standoffish. I know you hate studying, but after you became friends with the turtles, you at least stayed afloat. Maybe it doesn't matter so much now, but my point is that you actually changed for the better with them. This," April waved her hand vaguely around the room, "this lack of community, lack of purpose. It's not us. We aren't ourselves. Come on. We have to try to get back what we've lost. You know in your heart you want that, too."

"You really think Leo's gonna forgive us? 'Cause I wouldn't if I were him."

"Well, it's a good thing Leo isn't you, then. I'm sure he'll at least hear us out without killing us."

"Yeah, but that might be the best we can hope for. When I said Leo wasn't my leader, it's like he decided he wouldn't lead anyone. And now, we're just a bunch of folks living in a house. As part of the team, I felt like I was doing something important, that I was important. Now, I'm just a regular guy with nothing to my name. Raph says I'm a liability. Leo doesn't really need me."

"You did save their lives and are capable of fighting, and isn't that the most important thing in a warrior family? People who can fight?

"If nothing else, maybe you and Donnie can rant about me now. Nothing like having a common complaint to create a bond. And I meant what I said, Casey. I'd still like to be your friend and go to the movies or eat out or ice skate with you. I just don't think we have enough for a romance."

"Well, if I'm not involved with you, I guess that means I'm free to stare at pretty women. And no pesky obligations like Valentine's Day. Hmmm. This arrangement isn't sounding too bad."

April giggled. "Wow, Casey. You sure got over me fast. So are you with me on trying to get the team back?"

"Yeah. Let's go talk to Leo."

"Maybe everyone should be there."

"Then we should talk out here."

"Okay. I'll get him."


	17. Dehumanization

April knocked on Leo's door. It was pulled open fairly promptly. The only indication she got of Leo's surprise was raised eyebrows.

"Yes?" Leo queried. His tone was clipped and annoyed.

"Casey and I…Um…Can we talk to you? All of you? It's about…well…our nonexistent team, I guess."

Leo pursed his lips. "Mmmm. I don't know if my brothers want a team. And I don't think they would accept you two on it if they did. As of now."

"I know," April reassured. "I'd expect no less from such a close-knit family. That's why we need to talk to all of you. If we want the team back, we all have to agree."

Leo couldn't hide the approval in his eyes. "I will see what I can do. Where are we having this…meeting?"

"The living area would be best, I think. Casey can walk now but I think the rooms are too small. And this sort of talk should happen in some neutral place."

Leo saluted. "Wait there, please. If the guys aren't interested, I'll still come and talk to you. See you soon."

April sat on the couch beside Casey and Leo gathered his brothers and came downstairs with them. Leo sat next to April, Mikey sat at Leo's feet, and Raph and Donnie sat across from the couch on upholstered chairs.

"So you're all here," April observed unnecessarily. She looked around nervously at the turtles, suddenly afraid. It was one thing to approach Leo, but she was pretty sure he wouldn't bite her head off. The others weren't so tactful.

"Yeah," Raph spat. "What'd you wanna say? If you're gonna blame Leo for the state of the team, we don't need to hear it."

"Actually, no. That's not what I wanted to say. But if you're blaming Leo, I'd like to hear it."

Raph jumped up and glared down at April, stepping too close to her. To April's credit, she looked steadily at him. "Of course, I'm not blaming him. I wouldn't want to go back to work after having so much free time, either."

Leo looked between Raph and April, unsure about whether or not to break them up. The leader part of him was telling him he should put a stop to this before it escalated, but the brother side of him was saying it was no longer his place to do so and he should just leave them to it.

April stood up, too, glaring back at Raph. "Why do you have to be so darn confrontational? You didn't even let me get to my point before assuming you already know it."

"Yeah, well, you blaming Leo is what started this mess. I can hardly be blamed for thinking you're going to do it again."

Leo opened his mouth to interject and get the conversation back on topic, but then shut it again. It probably wouldn't do any good, anyway.

"You know what? Forget it," April snapped. "Maybe you're right and it's better that we don't associate anymore. What was I thinking? I feel sorry for your brothers. They're forced to put up with you."

The brothers in question all winced simultaneously. Leo glanced at Donnie and Mikey, who were looking at him expectantly. What? They expected him to solve this? He supposed that was reasonable, on second thought. Leo sighed wearily. "I hate to say it, but Raph's bluntness can be difficult to deal with."

April smirked at Raph. Raph looked at Leo, betrayed. Leo lifted a hand and shook his head at both of them.

"The thing is, April's pretty blunt, too. I haven't forgotten the assertion that she never wanted to see us again after Mr. O'Neal was turned into a bat. Yes, she was under a great deal of stress, but I don't know. Telling mutants that being turned into one is a bad thing is kind of insulting from a certain angle.

"On the other hand, both have positive traits, too. Raph may not censor himself as much as he should, but he's also loyal, protective, and able to step up and do what needs doing without complaint. April may be inadvertently hurtful, but she's also compassionate, intelligent, and a survivor. Speaking for myself, I prefer to focus on the positive aspects

"April, I got the impression whatever you wished to discuss was important. Something to do with the team. If that still matters to you, you'll tell us why we're here."

April sat back down and Raph did the same. Addressing Leo, she spoke as though no one else was in the room. "Leo, I'm sorry about what I said about you being ambushed and injured. Neither occurrence was your fault and I never meant to say that it was. I was trying to say that Casey shouldn't be blamed for getting hurt while trying to be helpful. It was taken the wrong way and I didn't mean to hurt you."

Leo nodded. "I wasn't blaming Casey for good intentions. I was blaming you both for disobedience."

Casey spoke up. "We don't owe you obedience. You aren't entitled to it just 'cause Splinter chose you to lead."

"And how many times has disobedience gotten you or me into trouble? More times than can be counted, I'd wager. That goes for all of you, by the way. Disobedience ruins plans, makes leadership impossible, and puts everyone at unnecessary risk. You say I am not owed obedience by virtue of position. Why? Because I thought leaders were supposed to be obeyed."

"We're not your slaves, that's why. We're our own people with our own ideas of how to do things. Our opinions and feelings should matter, too. Not just whatever the goal is."

"They do matter."

"No. If they did, you wouldn't expect us to obey. You wouldn't give orders. You'd make requests."

"Sometimes, there isn't time for that. Obedience can mean the difference between life and death."

"But who's to say your judgment is always right? If you don't listen to us, that could endanger us, too."

Leo paused, biting his lower lip in thought. Casey had a point. He nodded, concurring. He wondered if he really did consider his team as nothing more than gears in a machine. "Casey, the fact remains that I was right this time. You should not have disobeyed."

"But I couldn't obey, Leo. I'm not like you, totally focused on the practical and the efficient. You can shove what you feel away in favor of work. I'd rather have fun all the time and emotions are too intense to ignore."

"Hey, I wish I didn't have to be responsible all the time, but life doesn't work like that, unfortunately. Leadership's a full time job. I don't have a choice."

"But you aren't leading us now."

"Yes, he is," Raph interjected. "What do you think he's doing right now? Splinter's not here. That makes him leader of the family, at least until Sensei returns."

"But we don't have a team," Casey argued.

"Last time I checked, the family was the team," Raph said. "Maybe for you and April, it's different and the team is something you do. For my brothers and I, the team is who we are."

Casey looked at Raph in confusion. "Don't we usually have assignments or threats to take care of? You know, dangerous and exciting things?"

Leo joined the discussion. "That's part of it, but we also do not-so-exciting things, like training, reconnaissance, surveillance…If you're just in it for the excitement, maybe you're here for the wrong reason.

"To me, a team is about unified purpose. We all have a personal stake in seeing the Kraang off the premises, hopefully permanently. The Foot is a family affair and you may not share that goal. Then again, if we are important to you, you should. Besides, the Shredder would use you or those close to you to get to us. Make no mistake.

"There's nothing to say you and April can't just be allies. In such a case, I would not be your leader. But you also would not be considered family. We'd have no obligation to fight for you, should you be captured or attacked. If, for example, I had to choose between whatever our objective was and rescuing you, I could choose the mission because you are allies.

"As things are now, you are technically still part of the team. April, you would have to formally resign or otherwise arrange your training with Sensei. I believe Sensei would have to be informed of your decision as well, Casey. I think he considers you more than an ally but less than a son. So why not think on it? Your status cannot officially change until Splinter returns."

April chimed in. "I don't have to think on it. I want to remain a part of the family and you are still my leader. Now, more than ever, I understand why Sensei chose you as his deputy and I support it wholeheartedly. You set a good example for the team, you have impulse control, and you are driven and ambitious. Without your desire to accomplish goals and improve our coordination and skill, we would just be as we are now, languishing without any destination or reason for existing. We're like a ship with no rudder, just being tossed around by the wind and waves, without your direction. I truly am sorry about the disrespect I showed you earlier. Do you think you can make us a team again?"

Leo frowned sadly. "I'm not sure I want to. You see, you and Casey aren't exactly the only ones to challenge my authority. My brothers have done it, too. And every time, it has chipped away at my self-confidence. You and Casey were just the last straw.

"But there is still the matter of the Kraang and the Foot. They must be driven away or killed. They threaten us as a family and will continue to do so until one of us wins. So it appears I have no choice. I can't trust in your obedience enough to lead, but I suspect I'm the only one everyone would follow. If you'll excuse me, I have a lot to think about. I'll be in my room if anyone needs me."

As Leo left, he heard Mikey muse, "For all Casey's talk about feelings, no one seems to have thought of Leo's."

The gathering broke up after that. Everyone felt guilty. It was the first time any of them had really had to consider how they saw Leo since his promotion. Perhaps it was they who saw Leo only as a leader and forgot that underneath, he was his own person, too. If they saw him as a person, could they really have said and done such inconsiderate things? Shouldn't they have realized that Leo often guided correctly and with love? Whatever the case, the team was still not whole. The turtles knew they, too, owed Leo apologies.


	18. Sense and Sentiment

Leo took a matchbook, a beeswax candle, and a metal plate from his desk drawer, carrying the items to the middle of his room. Ensuring his door was shut, he lit the candle and blew out the match, dropping it beside the candle on the plate and setting the plate on the floor. Walking to the wall opposite the door, he sat with his legs crossed, propping his cane beside the folded futon. Leaning against the soft mattress, Leo inhaled the sweet honey fragrance of the wax and watched the candle flame, letting his mind go blank and his spirit assert itself. The connection to his intuition established, he began thinking on his role as leader and what that meant to him and his team.

As far as he could tell, they mostly agreed on what leadership was, aside from the issue of obedience. Perhaps the others felt that since he was about their age, he wasn't really qualified to be above them in rank. He supposed that was a fair point. But wasn't it also reasonable to expect obedience if the outcome wasn't likely to kill them? If someone died because they disobeyed, it would still be his fault in some measure, simply by virtue of being leader. Didn't everyone get that? Leadership carried a great deal of honor when things went right and a lot of blame when they didn't. His team didn't seem to understand.

Leo wasn't so much annoyed that they disobeyed. He was annoyed that they seemed to do so merely to give him a hard time and to assert an individuality that had little place on missions. On missions, they were to be a team first. That meant being mindful of their roles and positions.

Leo gave a disgruntled huff which turned into a sharp intake of breath when he heard a hissing chuckle in his head. "Something wrong, Leo?" queried a familiar, teasing voice.

"Karai?" Leo asked, his heart quickening and mood elevating substantially.

"The one and only."

Leo could practically see her smirk. "Hi," he smiled. "Are you and Father okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Father's got a new scar courtesy of the Shredder, but I don't think that counts as an injury since it's not hindering him. Father says you're hurt. The Shredder's doing. I guess you have a new scar, too, eh? I'm sorry you were all alone. I should have been there."

"Definitely acquired some new souvenirs, yeah. From the Shredder and the Foot. But I disagree about you being there. You'd either have been injured like me or killed, neither of which I'd forgive myself for. It's better this way.

"I'm surprised you feel badly on my behalf. Would have thought you'd be angry with me for not being able to rescue you from the mutagen vat."

"Huh? Why? You tried. You almost got killed for your trouble. It's better this way. I'd never have forgiven myself if you'd died because of me

"Sure. At first, I was afraid and angry about my mutation. But then, I remembered you and Father. You guys have adjusted just fine to your mutations. I never really considered being anything other than a ninja. Being a snake actually helps with that. I'm faster, more flexible, stronger, and even venomous. These are all advantageous to a warrior. Since my new family, a family who risked their lives to come after me, are mutants, it seems fitting that I should be one. Human Karai was the old me. Snake Karai is the new me. I'm viewing it as a chance to start again, be who I choose to be."

Leo grinned. "You are inspiring," he said reverently.

Karai snorted a laugh. "No. If I didn't know you guys before I mutated, I'd be a hell of a lot angrier about who I am now. So I'd say you're the inspiring one."

Leo bowed his head humbly.

After a couple seconds of silence, Karai spoke again. "So, enough about me. What's wrong with you?"

"Eh. Nothing you should worry about."

"Leo." Karai's tone was warning, threatening.

"It's…It's not your concern."

"Leonardo!" This time, the tone was sharp and stern.

"Really. It's nothing to do with you."

"Why don't you wanna tell me? Are you ashamed? Is it embarrassing? Come on, Leo. We used to be closer than this. What gives?"

Leo grimaced uncomfortably. "I guess I am kind of ashamed. Remember when you asked if I ever got tired of being responsible and didn't I want to have fun?"

"Yeah. You do. I already know. There's nothing wrong with wanting a break once in a while."

"I think there is. It's not like Father gets a break. And I don't really mean that I want to go wild and crazy. I would just like not worrying for a while. Maybe have Raph keep an eye on things sometimes so I can read and relax without stressing about everything."

"And again, nothing wrong with that," Karai repeated slowly, emphatically. "Did you talk to Raph about that? Maybe you could have set days off every month. You could have a deputy but would still be there if something happened that he couldn't deal with. Or Father would."

"No. I haven't spoken to him about it. I'm not sure he'd agree. He doesn't seem to want the job anymore. But I'll ask if the request seems reasonable to you."

"If he doesn't want to do it, I will. I have some experience coordinating plans, and I'm not afraid to carry out threats if people give me a hard time. It's just that I'm not sure I'd be accepted as interim leader of any sort since I don't have Raph's status with the group. I was the Shredder's second-in-command for a while, until Tiger Claw."

Leo sat up straight in realization. "That's right! You have leadership experience. How could I forget?

"Okay, here's my problem. I was just talking to the team - you know, my brothers, April, and Casey - and Casey says they aren't obligated to obey me just because I'm leader. But I'm saying they do owe it to me because things usually go wrong when they do their own thing too much. The successful execution of plans depends on the team's obedience. It's not the only factor, but it's an important one. Essentially, I want a team that is obedient. I really don't need the added headache of dealing with arguing and complaints."

"This is why you were annoyed earlier?"

"Yes."

Karai hissed in thought. "You know, if you want obedience without question, you could lead Foot bots. I assure you, they never argue."

Leo laughed, but then stopped when he realized Karai was serious. "Are they good conversationalists?"

"Not really. But they don't complain, either."

"I've often wished the team would be quieter. But when they aren't complaining or arguing, there are jokes and banter and laughter. There's commiseration in failure and jubilation in victory."

"That…I haven't experienced."

"You really should. Makes the defeats hurt a little less and the victories taste sweeter."

"You'll have to show me one day."

"I look forward to it."

"About the obedience thing, I see both sides. Nobody likes obligations, Leo, and the team is right in that they aren't bound to you. But you have a point, too. Can't they just obey unless they have a suggestion for a different strategy or they think your plan would get them killed? I mean, Foot bots are adaptable, but not very creative. Your team, though - they can be pretty unpredictable, can't they? That can be a very good thing, though I get that you don't really care for that sort of instability."

"No. I like things organized and orderly. And aren't they our team?"

"I don't think I've been accepted yet. I understand if they don't right away."

"I think they will, but you're right. I should wait on that.

"But what happens if they do have a suggestion for a different plan and I veto it? That's what happened when the Kraang invaded. We were in the process of running away when Donnie and I argued about how to escape the city. We might have gotten out of the sewers if I hadn't stopped to answer Donnie's challenges. I ran off with some of the Kraang after me, hoping the others would be safe and planning to meet up with them when I could. I ended up in an ambush by the Foot army. So clearly, arguments shouldn't be allowed to go on too long. But how long is too long?"

"Leo, your mistake was arguing in a war zone. You know you shouldn't stand around while you're being attacked. You shouldn't have allowed Donnie to distract you."

"I know." Leo nodded. "That's what I thought. But I can't just cut people off. Everyone should be able to say their piece."

"Well, yeah. But presumably, Donnie only needed to offer the alternative once. You say yes or no and that's that."

"They don't work like that," Leo chuckled. "I wish it were that easy."

Karai shook her head, frowning. "Then they don't respect you properly. I'm assuming Father chose you as leader for a reason. From what I have seen of you, I have some idea why. If they don't understand, they are more foolish than I think."

"I don't think they are very confident in my decisions. They don't trust me to lead them safely."

Karai let out an exasperated noise from the back of her throat. "Okay. I gave them too much credit. It's partly their fault you were alone when you were ambushed. If they had enough faith in you to just obey without wasting time, you'd have at least been with them, whether ambushed or not."

"It's too late for that, Karai. It already happened. But from this discussion, I'm gathering a compromise has to be reached. Perhaps these mistakes can be learned from. The team has to learn to accept my decisions. I have to remember that reprieves are not victories and I still have to be vigilant."

"Glad I could help," Karai smirked again.

"Thanks," Leo smiled shyly.

"Any time, Samurai," she purred.

Something in her tone made Leo blush a little. "Rogue," he answered quietly, uncertainly.

Karai smiled amusedly. "Rogue? I kind of like it. That's something I wasn't expecting. Where'd you get that?"

Leo cleared his throat awkwardly, looking down at the floor. "Um…From 'Mazes and Mutants.' It's a tabletop role-playing game. Maybe one day, you can play with me, Donnie, and Mikey. It's fantasy. Make-believe. And a little acting."

"A kind of deception?" She sounded interested.

"I suppose from a certain perspective. But is it really a lie if everyone knows it isn't true? I'd say it's a shared illusion."

"Deception, illusion, it's a case of semantics," Karai grumbled. "They're both lies."

"But they're honest lies," Leo argued again. "That makes them forgivable."

"The way I've tricked you?" Karai queried.

Leo considered, then nodded. "You always gave me fair warning, always dealt with me honestly. Deceit in such a context was to be expected. You have tricked me many times, but you have never lied to me. Or at least, I choose not to think of them as deceptions. They were, and yet they weren't."

"The Kraang mutant I created, knowing full well it would be dangerous," Karai said.

Leo frowned sadly. "That hurt. I thought you were different. But you did try to tell me, didn't you? When Raph said you were bad news and you said he was right."

"Leo, before I did that, before I betrayed your trust, you were interesting and amusing and pretty good company. I thought that's all you were. You know, a stupid phase I'd get bored with soon.

"But then, I hurt you. And I realized. No, you weren't just entertaining. You mattered to me. I kept hearing you in my mind, saying 'I trusted you.' I never felt guilt over a guy before. I'm used to the kinds of guys who want the same thing I want - something physical and pleasurable and shallow. We both know we don't actually care about each other. It's a business arrangement. Mutually beneficial. And when it isn't, one of us moves on.

"I wanted to try again, try to make up for what I'd done and maybe make the guilt go away. So I tried to make the deal with you about the Kraang. It was common ground. We both wanted them gone. If we succeeded, maybe I would have the right to talk to you again."

"And then I betrayed you," Leo spat, disgusted.

Karai nodded. Leo looked away. "The irony is that if I'd let you guys kill the Shredder, you wouldn't be injured now. I wouldn't be a mutant now. Maybe the Kraang wouldn't have invaded."

"They might still have invaded. The Kraang are perfectly capable of running their own operations, as you know. And this may be strange, but I kind of like you better as a snake. You feel more like me."

"You might be on to something. I'll have to see how I feel the next time I see you. Maybe with us both being reptiles, there'd be a stronger attraction.

"Going back to my story, after your betrayal, I was seething. We had a deal, and I didn't think you were the type to go back on it. 'I thought you were different.' Gee, that sounds familiar. And I felt what you did when I betrayed you. I wanted revenge. But there was a small part of me that didn't want you dead. Even after what you'd done. Sound familiar?"

"Quite, actually," Leo affirmed, looking straight ahead.

"And now here we are, and I'm a Hamato who wants the Shredder dead for what he has done to our family - you, me, and Father. I'm just not meant to be the one to kill him. I think that honor should go to Father."

"Now that, I wholeheartedly agree with. The Shredder started this; Father should finish it. I hope the Shredder doesn't need to be killed, but it may indeed come to that."

When Leo realized no verbal response was forthcoming, he spoke again. "Are you close to Northampton or…?"

"Yeah. We've been making our way in that direction. More or less following train tracks. We don't know exactly where it is but we do have vague memories of the region it's in. We figure we'll find clues along the way. If not, we can get a handle on direction when we're close enough to you. We can use you like a beacon."

"Well, there's forest all around here. It's rather secluded. And the woods are dangerous at night. But that means when you get here, you can travel by day. It's one thing that's better about living topside. We turtles can enjoy the sun and stars at night. I've gotten used to the sounds of crickets and frogs, too. And there's good hunting here. Plenty of small game suitable for a snake, incidentally. I don't know if Sensei would like it, though. Eating rodents."

"Shouldn't be a problem. We can always just catch more birds for him. Or he can catch his own."

Leo offered a half-smile in response. "I had better get going. I said I'd be available if anyone needed me. It was great to hear from you. I look forward to seeing you in person."

"Likewise. Good luck with your wheeling and dealing."

"Thank you. I think I'll need it."

"You can always threaten them with my wrath. I'd be happy to avenge you."

Leo shuddered. "I appreciate the loyalty, but that's too much punishment."

"As you say. You would know better than me. With my background, there's almost no such thing."

Leo frowned uneasily. He could just imagine, with a superior like the Shredder. "See you soon," he said somberly.

"sayonara." Karai gave a small wave.

Leo came out of meditation with clarity and perspective. Speaking to Karai had given him renewed strength and resolve. He had to repair the team and communicate what he needed from them. If the team was to exist again, April was right. There had to be cooperation from everyone. He blew out the candle, put the plate on his desk, and went looking for lunch.


	19. Single

Leo made himself a turkey sandwich, topped with honey mustard, onions, and lettuce, with a pickle and some olives on the side. When he entered the dining room with his food and a glass of grape juice, everyone except Casey was sitting around the table, talking and eating sandwiches or pizza. Raph and Mikey seemed to be discussing comics and April and Donnie were using big words even he couldn't quite understand. He looked around for a suitable place to sit. He noted everyone had chosen seats that would allow them to see the door either directly or peripherally. Donnie and April sat together on one end of the table while Raph and Mikey sat around the corner next to them, so Leo ended up sitting by Mikey.

"Hi, Leo," Mikey said.

"Hey there, Mikey, guys." Leo glanced at the faces to his left. "It's good to see you with us, April."

"Thanks, Leo," April said softly. "I've missed you guys. Casey and I…It didn't work out. We're not a couple anymore. I still consider him a friend, but we just don't have that much in common. Besides, things about him that I accepted easily enough when we were friends began to annoy me when we were a couple. The way he's so obsessed with games and cars, how he's almost never serious, that macho act. I didn't realize how my thinking would change. Now that we're just friends, those things I listed are just who Casey is and it's okay."

"Hmmm," Leo mused. "That change of perspective is interesting to consider. You seem perfectly fine. How's Casey taking it?"

"You know Casey,"April said airily. "He appreciates not being obligated to me and the freedom to ogle sexy women. He's fine."

Leo frowned skeptically. "I'm not so sure. I mean, he isn't here. Unless that's just because he doesn't want to be part of the group anymore."

"Well, Casey did mention wanting to leave once his ankle's better, but I don't think he really will. He'd miss us."

Donnie chimed in. "Casey was in the barn chopping wood, last I remember. I can go talk to him, though I got the impression he doesn't really want company just now. He didn't seem sad to me. More…sullen, maybe. Like Raph when he's upset."

"Would you really be the best person to console him, since you're so close to April?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm already used to the idea that April doesn't like me romantically. Maybe I can help Casey come to terms with the fact April has finally decided neither of us are right for her. Casey and April weren't together long. What? A month? Month and a half? Maybe the shorter time will make it easier to get over."

"In that light, it seems logical. But can I talk to you guys first? Maybe after our meal."

"I'm up for it," Donnie answered.

"Me, too," Raph agreed.

April nodded assent.

Mikey looked awkward. "I kind of wanted a nap. But since everyone said yeah…"

Leo looked around at the others. April had an impassive expression, Donnie shrugged, and Raph frowned but didn't seem annoyed. "Maybe I'll take a nap, too. Things always look better after sleeping. Okay. Let's just try to get it done before dinner."

"Got it," Donnie confirmed. "I'll look for Casey now and see if he'll tolerate a chat."

"I'll check on you two in a couple hours," Raph volunteered.

Leo concentrated on his food and the others at the table picked up the threads of their previous conversations. He liked the rapport in the room. Things were comfortable and almost normal. He hadn't realized that he'd come to expect April and Casey to be with them. When had that happened? While it was true they were not always at the former lair, given that they lived elsewhere and had their own lives, they saw each other a couple times a week guaranteed. Usually it was mid-week and Saturday, unless there was heightened Kraang activity or more crime in a given week. After several weeks without April's company, Leo began to realize how subtly she and even Casey had insinuated themselves into the family. Because April and Casey used to be constant, Leo didn't know just how accepted they'd become. He was probably never going to be as close to the humans as Donnie or Raph, but he found that he did genuinely care what became of them, whether they lived or died, how their lives would turn out.

Leo glanced at Mikey, who'd gone quiet. He was clearly done with his pizza. Leo was almost done with his meal. "You go ahead. I'll just see you later." Leo smiled reassuringly.

"I…kinda wanted to go with you. You know, share a room. Maybe easier for Raph to look in on us, too, if we're both in the same place."

"Awww." Leo grinned, truly touched, and put an arm around Mikey's shoulders for half a second. "If you don't mind sleeping on the floor, we could use my room."

"Like old times. Before we had our own beds. Yeah. I'd like that," Mikey grinned.

Leo finished his food and took his and Mikey's dishes to the sink. Mikey waited at the door. Raph had left the room before Leo had begun talking to Mikey so only April and Donnie saw them leave.

After they'd gone, April touched Donnie's hand quickly. "Thanks for talking to Casey. I'm sorry it didn't work out for us, either. I didn't realize how much I took your friendship for granted until recently. I really enjoy spending time with you now that you're not treating me like I'm already your girlfriend. It's a lot more relaxed, a lot more comfortable, and you're a good guy who always genuinely cares about how I feel and what I think. With the pressure of romance off, it's nice to just be ourselves."

Donnie smiled kindly and clasped April's hand just as briefly. "Hey, don't worry about it. Neither of us could help what we felt in terms of romance. And I appreciate having someone competent in my lab. Work goes a lot faster and is double the fun with an extra mind to analyze and sift through data and bounce ideas off. Plus, I have someone to listen to sappy love songs with. I swear, I'd never hear the end of it from Raph. I think Mikey and Leo would be more understanding, but they'd tease me, too. It's good to have you back."

"Are you saying the guys don't know you like ballads?"

"Well, I never told them. I suspect Leo likes his share of love songs, but probably too sentimental for Raph and too slow for Mikey."

"Want me to ask them? Then you'll know who it's safe to tell."

"No, thanks. I'll just let it come out spontaneously."

"Okay. Going to make sure the chickens are fed. See you later."

"See you." Donnie stood and went in search of Casey, April walking beside him until they got outside the house.


	20. Experimentation

Donnie found Casey sitting on the swing outside, his chin propped on his hand and staring off at nothing. He tapped him on the shoulder. Casey blinked and focused on Donnie.

"Oh. Hey, Donnie," he greeted guardedly.

"Casey," Donnie answered. "Can I sit by you? I heard about you and April."

Casey's eyes narrowed. "If you've come here to rub it in-"

Donnie held up his hands defensively. "No, no. Nothing like that. I genuinely care how you're holding up."

"Really? I thought you hated me, dude. Have a seat."

Donnie sat down. "Hate's a strong word. I get annoyed by you, but it's not like the world would be a better place without you or anything. You're not a bad person inside. Just some of your mannerisms don't agree with me."

"Yeah. I could say the same about you. Exactly."

"So we annoy each other. Does that count as common ground?"

"You know…I think it does." Casey smirked. "And there's the April thing."

"Yeah." Donnie turned serious. "I mean it, Casey. How are you?"

"I'm confused. I'm not really upset we aren't together. It's more…What went wrong? I listened to her when we talked and I don't think I was rude to her. I mean, not more than I usually am to everyone. I didn't force her to be physical when she didn't want to. We even watched games together sometimes, though April never could stay for a whole match.

"Once, we talked about our families being mutated and she said it's happened to her so often now, she's almost used to it. She's still sad. Don't get me wrong. But she said she'd be a total mess right now if she didn't already experience it with the whole bat thing. She said since you can make retromutagen, there may still be hope. But the trick is finding enough mutagen."

"Yep. You need a lot of raw mutagen for a small amount of retromutagen. Another difficulty is finding your families among all the mutants. I guess it's easiest for us turtles, now I think about it. We know our family is out there and making their way here.

"April didn't tell you why she was breaking up?"

"She just said there wasn't enough for a romance but that she did want to be friends and do social things with me. Movies, skating, that kind of thing."

"Oh, good. That means she still likes you. Besides, I'd never do those kinds of things, even if I could without getting shot or captured. Those places just have too many people. I'm pretty introverted."

"Never would have guessed," Casey winked.

Donnie laughed. "Did you just…Were you just sarcastic with me?"

"No. Of course not. What would give you that idea?" Casey rolled his eyes this time, but he was grinning.

"You know what? I think we've hit a milestone." Donnie slapped Casey on the shoulder companionably and continued speaking. "This is teasing sarcasm, as opposed to mocking. There's a difference.

"I'm guessing you and April didn't do much studying? No math, biology, reading…"

"No way. I hate that kind of thing, and it's not like I have to do it with school out now. I only do it when I absolutely have to, and even that's an improvement from before I met you all."

Donnie nodded. "Well, I can tell you right now that April probably didn't enjoy the sports on TV and she does genuinely enjoy schoolwork. I used to help her with homework when she had it; she often helped me in the lab. My brothers are either disasters in there, like Mikey, or don't know what I'm talking about when I ask for some chemical or other. In short, no help.

"You can't change who you are and you shouldn't. April shouldn't, either. Maybe, after weeks of not talking to us, she realized how much she missed those things. Maybe having a boyfriend wasn't enough and she realized she needs friends, too. So she decided friends were more valuable if she had to choose one. She did also mention something to Leo about how she began to expect more from you when you became her boyfriend. She couldn't just accept you as you were. And that was putting additional strain on the relationship."

"So we aren't together because of who I am? You know, that's kind of insulting."

"Well, April and I aren't together 'cause I'm a turtle. You can say we weren't right for her, but maybe the opposite is true, too. She's not right for us. I prefer the latter view, personally. If someone can't love me for who I really am, turtle or personality, they aren't worth the effort of keeping. If April loves us for us as friends and can't do so romantically, then she's not worth having as a girlfriend but definitely worth it as a friend."

"You know what? It's her loss if she can't appreciate the coolness of Casey Jones. You're right. I'd rather have a girlfriend who'll enjoy my hockey games and my attitude, someone I won't have to lie to impress. It's a lot less effort to tell the truth, after all.

"Thanks, dude. I think I get why we broke up now. The experiment failed, but hey, I know what doesn't work. That's something, right?"

"The way I see it, each failure just means you're closer to success. At least, if you learn from what went wrong. Took me quite a while to perfect the retromutagen. Many failed attempts. For what it's worth."

Casey smiled. "Does this mean we're friends now?"

Donnie shook Casey's hand. "Brothers, if you want."

"What about Leo? I know he doesn't much like me."

Donnie frowned thoughtfully. This was true. Leo probably viewed Casey as a slacker and that would get on his nerves. "You're right. I can't speak for the family. But Leo wants to talk to us sometime today. Why don't you join us?"

"Yeah, okay. I want to be part of the team."

"And Leo as leader? Do you accept that?"

"I never really had a problem with it. I just talked back to him 'cause I didn't appreciate being lectured. I still don't think he's entitled to mindless obedience."

"It's like April said. Someone has to coordinate us and keep us fighting efficiently together. And Leo did have a point. When we disobey, things tend to go wrong. This just proves how good a leader he actually is in the sense that if we'd obeyed, things might have gone right. Certainly higher probability."

"I guess," Casey muttered reluctantly, unwilling to concede the point but knowing Donnie was right.

"Look. Just come to the team meeting. He heard you and April out the first time. You should return the favor."

"Yeah, okay. Was planning to go anyway."

"Great. See you there." Donnie got up and strode away to the house, feeling in the mood for a nature documentary.


	21. Concessions and Confessions

A couple hours later and Raph opened Leo's door carefully. Leo lay on his side, facing the door, knees slightly bent and his arms out in front of him. Mikey lay on his stomach, head turned toward Leo with one arm curled under his pillow and the other arm held straight out, his hand touching Leo's shell. Raph found he was struggling not to smile. It was too intimate for his taste. He didn't really like to be touched, or didn't need it as often as Mikey or Leo. But observing the scene before him, he thought maybe he wanted a pat or two on the shoulder just then.

Shaking off the inconvenient thought, he looked at Leo's desk and noticed the partially burned candle and the remains of the match. Leo must have been doing some serious meditating, as opposed to just the normal variety they could all slip into with ease.

Raph knelt down and shook Leo by the shoulder. He wasn't gentle but he wasn't harsh, either. Leo blinked drowsily and pushed himself to a sitting position. "Hey, Raph," he rasped sleepily. "Time's up already, huh?"

"Afraid so, bro," Raph said cheerfully.

Leo chuckled softly. "Thanks for waking me. I'll just…um…jump in the shower and hopefully that'll get me more alert. You can let Mikey sleep a bit more if you want."

"Nah, I'm awake," Mikey cut in groggily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

Leo was walking out the door but stopped and turned back, waving to Mikey and nodding a goodbye to Raph before continuing on his way.

Raph looked at Mikey and then looked away awkwardly, shaking his head. "Well, I guess I'm done here. We're all in the living room just killing time until Leo shows up. I guess you don't have to come right away. See you soon."

"See ya, Raph," Mikey smiled, lying back down on his side, watching the door as Raph walked out and left it open.

Ten minutes later and Mikey was on the couch beside April. Donnie sat across from her, Casey sat across from Mikey, and Raph sat across from where Leo would be. Soft rock was playing from Donnie's T-Pod.

Leo walked into the room, definitely awake now, snapping his fingers to the catchy beat. He looked around at the intimate gathering and paused. "I can't believe it. I'm actually late for my own meeting."

"Haha, bro. I even beat you," Mikey smirked.

"Ugh. That's even worse. Now I'm embarrassed." Leo hid his face behind his hands, moved slowly behind the chairs, and lowered his hands, taking the vacant spot by Mikey and punching him on the shoulder.

"Ow," Mikey squeaked, but his eyes were laughing.

"First time for everything, I guess," Donnie mumbled, turning off the music.

Leo growled and then shook himself, mentally shoving away his awkwardness and focusing. "Never mind. Just…I appreciate not having to chase you guys down."

"Well, we kind of wanted to talk to you, too," Raph said.

"Ah. So there was an ulterior motive. Should have known." Leo frowned in disappointment.

"Not totally," Donnie put in. "We'd have still been here even if we had nothing to say. You don't call us together like this unless it's a mission briefing or some kind of strategy meeting. So we know whatever you want to say is important. You don't talk just to hear yourself."

Leo nodded. "Well, I guess I'll start from the beginning. I spoke to Karai before lunch. We talked over the obedience issue. She came up with an interesting idea in the process. She thinks I should have a second-in-command. They would be what I am to Splinter. She thinks it might be helpful to me to have someone to share the responsibilities and to keep an eye on things once in a while so I can relax and recharge."

"Karai?" Casey asked. "That's the snake girl, right?"

Leo blinked, then nodded. "Yeah. She's a mutant snake and our sister. Sensei's biological daughter."

"So you met her on the spirit plane?" Raph asked. "I saw your candle."

Mikey nodded. "Me, too."

"That's right. I think she found me, actually. I don't recall actively looking for her."

"Spirit plane?" Casey asked.

"Yeah, dude," Mikey affirmed. "You can get to it in deep meditation. There's a way to free your spirit and contact people that way. Leo knows how. I guess Karai does, too."

Casey looked Skeptical. Raph cut him off. "Don't even start, Casey. It doesn't matter if you don't believe us. It doesn't make it less true."

Leo cleared his throat. "Anyway, what do you guys think of her idea? It sounds reasonable to me. I could use the help, and I wouldn't feel so much like I'm indispensable. Could be useful for someone to get practice in, too, because what if, you know…I'm not here one day?"

Mikey buried his head against Leo's shoulder, grabbing him around his shell in a fierce hug. "No. Don't say that."

Leo wrapped an arm around Mikey's shell and patted his knee sympathetically. "It's a realistic possibility, Mikey. You have to confront it. Don't run from fear."

Mikey looked up at the group again, but still clung to Leo. "You're the one called 'Fearless,' not me," he protested. "It's easy for you to say, to do."

"Mikey, you don't have a choice," Leo said gently. "The only reason this fear is manageable for me is because I'm used to dealing with it. Comes with being leader. You can't crumble so easily. The team, the family, needs you to be strong."

"Everyone else is strong. It's not my job."

"And because of you, all of us are weakened," Leo said sternly, slamming a hand on the arm of the couch in his passion. "Don't hide from fear or truth." He let go of Mikey and gently, but firmly, disengaged from his embrace.

Mikey flinched, head pulled into his shell. He was thinking about a life without Leo and getting more sad by the second. But then he remembered the Technodrome and how Leo was almost killed because of his weakness. Slowly, his head came out of his shell again and he sat up. "You're right. If you're gone, I have to comfort people, like you usually do. Everyone's gonna need me to cry with. Sensei won't be able to do it. He'll be like he was when Karai was mutated. Yeah, I have a purpose."

Leo smiled proudly. "That's right. It's not an easy task, but I think you're up to it. You're the most compassionate person I've ever met. I know we don't always appreciate it because we're annoyed at the practical messes you make, but everyone has unique talents in this group. We're stronger together than as individuals."

"I don't have a talent," Casey murmured so quietly that only Raph and Donnie heard him.

"What?" Leo asked.

"Nothing," Casey said.

Donnie shook his head and elbowed Casey in the ribs. "Casey said he doesn't have a talent."

"Yes, you do," Leo said firmly. "You think outside the box and have pretty ingenious weaponry. Furthermore, You accept people as they are and you don't expect them to change for you. That is rare and valuable. You genuinely embrace variety and are very tolerant. You're probably the least prejudiced of all of us, if at all."

"Wow, dude. I didn't know you felt that way about me. It's not like we're that close, you know?"

"We're not, and just based on personality, we probably never will be. But that doesn't mean you aren't part of the team or that I don't care how you're doing. You do, after all, have connections to us, even if not to me."

"You matter to me, too, you know. When you weren't here, weren't awake, I remember thinking our leaders were gone and what were we going to do? 'Cause I did consider you leader, no matter what I said before. It feels right with you here again."

Leo smiled softly. "I'm glad to be here. Thanks for looking out for me during the invasion."

"No prob', bro. The others were pretty busy. It was kind of safer with me."

Raph, April, and Donnie exchanged pleased glances. They were glad Casey and Leo were actually talking about something serious. They felt Casey was truly accepted now, versus just being tolerated by Leo because he was their friend.

"You're really good at picking out our strengths and weaknesses, aren't you?" Raph smirked at Leo.

"Kind of have to be, Raph," Leo answered, smirking back.

"About that second-in-command thing," Raph said. "Why not have Karai do it? It was her idea. None of us even considered it. We already know she's a good fighter, and she wanted to join with us to fight the Kraang. So she has priorities straight. I think she'd be a good substitute."

"Funny, you know. She said she'd do it if you didn't want to."

"She stayed hidden during the invasion and survived on her own long enough to meet up with Sensei. If that's not a test of worth, I don't know what is. Why don't we try her?"

Donnie and Mikey looked at each other. "We know Karai's with us now," Mikey said.

"Yeah. I have no real reason to object. I just hope the position doesn't go to her head and her training with the Shredder doesn't get the best of her. I bet the Foot has brutal punishment tactics."

"She's loyal to Father," Leo put in. "He'll keep her in line."

"She could teach me things," April said thoughtfully. "She has as much training as you guys do, I think."

"Yes," Leo said smugly. "She certainly knows what she's doing."

"So I guess you can tell her she's on probation," Raph said.

"We have to clear this with Sensei, remember," Leo reminded him. "But I'll keep the consensus in mind.

"Now for the other thing I have to say. Casey, Karai helped me to see that you're right. I'm not owed obedience just because of my rank." Leo held up a warning hand to forestall any gloating. "However, she thinks you guys don't behave as a proper team, either. She thinks I deserve a bit more trust than I've been getting, that in a war situation, my commands should be obeyed by default. Donnie and I have already been over this, but I need more support from all of you. When we're being attacked, even when we have temporary respites, I need you guys to do as I say and not waste time trying to persuade me. If you protest and I say no, that should be the end of it. We need to learn from what happened during the invasion. Can you guys do as I ask?"

Everyone nodded. Even Casey.

"Now it's our turn," Raph said. "Bro, we - me, Donnie, and Mikey - we want to say sorry. We forgot you're not just a leader, not just a brother, but a person. I guess, like with Sensei, we kind of dehumanized you both. You know emotions aren't my specialty but it's not an excuse." Raph looked at Donnie, then Mikey, then back at Leo. "I…I don't think words are enough, Leo. I respect your strength, your courage, your determination. I'm glad you're still with us. Nearly losing you made me realize how much I actually care." Raph trailed off, fidgeting uncomfortably.

"I, um, love you too, Raph." Leo smiled wryly.

Raph ducked his head in embarrassment while Mikey whispered loudly, "Softie." Raph leaped up and tackled Mikey, who gave a strangled cry.

Leo turned sharply, putting a hand on Raph and Mikey's shoulders. "Raph," Leo cautioned threateningly. "Get off him."

Raph growled in annoyance but let go of Mikey, who gasped melodramatically for air. "Thanks, Leo," Mikey said, relieved.

"Yeah. It's fine," Leo murmured, letting go of both brothers and resuming his seat. "I really should be used to this by now," he grumbled.

"It just goes to show you're still needed," Donnie laughed.

Leo snorted a laugh. "Well, when you put it like that…" He fought a grin but failed miserably. Donnie grinned back. Turning serious again, Leo said, "You guys aren't going to like this, but we have a lot of work to do." He gestured around the room. "When was the last time we cleaned the house?"

Everyone groaned.

"Casey, you aren't slacking off," Leo snapped.

"Okay, okay. Lighten up, dude," Casey whined.

Leo's lips were pressed into a hard line. "Sensei and Karai shouldn't come to a messy house. But I suppose we can start tomorrow."

"Awesome, dude," Mikey grinned.

"Much appreciated," Donnie agreed.

"Thanks, Leo," April smiled.

Raph reached over and squeezed Leo's shoulder with a grateful nod.

That night, everyone was in the dining room. Dinner was a relaxed, happy event. They all had corkscrew pasta in a tomato sauce with ground beef, canned mushrooms, eggplant, garlic, and broccoli. Leo, Mikey, and Raph had shredded cheese on their pasta and a few of the group also had canned olives. Yes, this camaraderie was right.


	22. Dinner Plans

It took a week of concerted effort to make the house presentable. Floors and surfaces were scrubbed, the bathroom and kitchen thoroughly cleaned, bedding washed, and even the chickens' home was disinfected. Bedrooms were swept and cleaned by the occupants of each. The work was so demanding Leo didn't put the team back on a training routine until everything was done. He figured everyone was already getting exercise.

As the house grew cleaner and cleaner, people's moods improved along with it. During the beginning of the week, everyone complained about something and found multiple reasons to be annoyed. By the end of the week, April had commented to Leo that it was nice having a shared goal and feeling like a team again. Raph said he could see his reflection in glass and Casey said he could probably eat off the floor. Donnie said it was good to have an excuse to really go through his lab and see what he could get rid of and take inventory, reorganizing and sanitizing at the same time. April went through the fridge and got rid of spoiled food. Mikey was focused on the stove and the oven, degreasing and going over them as thoroughly as his skateboard or chucks. Leo moved around, checking on people's progress and helping as necessary. Every day, he spoke to Splinter via meditation, until the day Splinter said he had seen the house and would be making his way there with Karai the next night. Everyone was gathered in the living room after dinner the night Leo announced the news. It was a few days after they'd finished cleaning and began regular ninjutsu training again.

"Oh man," Mikey said excitedly, "they're almost here!" He was bouncing on the couch. Leo frowned at him, but didn't have the heart this time to tell him to stop. "What should I make? We still don't have any rice. The stores around here are too small to have it, huh?"

"I'm afraid so, Mikey," April said. "But this is a special occasion. Maybe I can buy a sushi platter for Leo, Sensei, and Karai. Since Karai's from Tokyo, I assume she likes sushi. It would be a farther drive, but there's all day tomorrow. Casey, would you mind driving? We could get a rice cooker and a twenty-pound bag of rice, too."

Leo was practically drooling. His eyes looked hopeful and he whimpered pitifully. "Pleeeeease?" he begged Casey.

Donnie laughed outright. Raph rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Fearless, reduced to pleading. This is sadorable."

"Well, Karai has called me adorable and stupid, so there's something you two agree on."

"Leo, I told you before. You're not setting us up. You don't really want that."

"Yeah, but she probably will. At least, when she knows to what extent I've been injured."

"If that's the case, I really won't want her," Raph rejoined immediately. "It's a sign of disloyalty and I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought so little of you."

Casey cut in, not wanting to listen to an argument about romance when he was still getting over his own failed one. Addressing Leo, he said, "Sounds like it's worth the effort if rice is going to be eaten regularly from now on. But maybe morning training would have to be cancelled tomorrow. A long road trip will be tiring enough."

"Sounds reasonable," Leo conceded. "Maybe we should just meditate tomorrow and focus on that aspect of training."

Donnie looked apprehensive, but the other brothers nodded.

"You could always use a candle, bro," said Raph. "Leo does when he wants to go deep. Maybe focusing on it would help your brain to stay still."

Donnie brightened. "I'll try that."

"Do we need more candles?" April asked Leo.

"Wouldn't hurt to get more. They have a nice scent, even if they aren't used for meditation. I think Raph doesn't care for it, though."

"Nope," Raph confirmed. "Would rather have regular, unscented candles for mood or meditation."

Mikey broke in. "You know, if I had sushi ingredients, I could just make it. But it does require some special items. Bamboo roller, rice vinegar, daikon, different kinds of seafood, sheets of seaweed…"

"Probably easier if we just bought it. Casey and I wouldn't know what to get, and Karai can't help us anymore. Or maybe we could look them up online?"

"Or I could make musubi. Less involved. You can just shape the rice by hand. Still need seaweed, but the musubi might be safer, now that I think about it. You can use pretty much any meat you have. With a sushi platter, the seafood might spoil if it's not kept cold. So yeah. Change of plans. If you're getting rice, see if they have dried seaweed, too. I can fill them with stuff we already have."

"That sounds good, too," Leo grinned.

"Okay, so unscented and beeswax candles, rice, rice cooker, seaweed, and the rest of us will eat something else?" April confirmed.

"Actually," Donnie spoke up. "If we're having musubi, I want some. I'm not a fan of sushi, but do like regular rice with meat and vegetables."

"Me, too," Raph said. "Kind of reminds me of old times. Sometimes, Sensei would make those for us, if we were lucky and got scavenged meat."

April spoke to Casey. "Hey, Casey, why don't we just eat those, too? Probably save us money."

Casey nodded. "Okay. At least, we know what we're having for dinner."

"Nice to agree on something," Mikey said happily.

"Well, should we get to sleep? Leo asked. "I'm pretty excited about tomorrow, too, but Casey and April seem to have their work cut out for them."

Good night exchanges were passed around as the group dispersed to their beds. Donnie was anxious, but he told himself he was being silly. Tomorrow would be joyous. Their family would be complete.


	23. Romantic Notions

It was late afternoon when April and Casey returned to the house. The day had been long for them, but they'd gotten everything they came for. Casey carried the big bag of rice and the seaweed, while April carried the rice cooker and candles. The turtles were coming around to the front of the house, but stopped when they saw Casey and April had things under control.

"Hi, guys," April greeted.

"Glad to see you had a safe trip," Leo said, eying the rice hungrily. "Thank you both for going out of your way to do this. Sensei will surely be happy to taste rice again."

"Yeah. Thanks, dude, dudette," Mikey echoed, following April and Casey as they went inside.

Casey set the food on the floor of the kitchen while April unpacked the rice cooker and set it on a counter near an electrical outlet. Mikey grabbed the candles and set them in the living room on a small table next to the couch. April and Casey in tow, he headed outside again and tackled Raph, noticing Leo and Donnie were in the middle of a similar unarmed fight. While Raph and Mikey's fight devolved into an instinctive brawl, Leo and Donnie remained formal and thoughtful. April and Casey watched as Leo ducked Donnie's fist and punched Donnie in the shell, causing him to overbalance and topple onto his hands and knees. Donnie picked himself up and bowed to Leo, who bowed back with a partial smile.

"We might have to hone your intuition," Leo mused. "But then, that's always been your weak point and Mikey's strong one."

Leo and Donnie watched Raph and Mikey still going at it. Eventually, Raph simply used his superior strength to hit Mikey in the chest and knock him onto his shell. Leo nodded to himself. "Of course, Mikey could be accused of not thinking enough…"

"That isn't news," Raph groused.

"Says the one who's always impatient," Leo muttered, helping Mikey up.

"What? And you don't have a weakness?" Raph mocked.

"He does. Karai," Donnie smirked.

"Oh yeah," Raph laughed. "He's so not done with her."

"Dudes. Remind me never to fall in love. Sounds embarrassing," Mikey said dramatically.

"Eh, like you'd find someone who'd see you that way," Raph scoffed.

Everyone saw the hurt look on Mikey's face.

"Raph!" Leo snarled. "Apologize."

"I don't know why he's so hurt. He already said he doesn't want anyone that way."

Leo shook his head in exasperation. "Raph. He said he didn't want to be made a fool of by love, not that…Never mind. Mikey, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Raph's just upset because he knows he won't be able to hold on to a woman. Too difficult to live with."

"Please. You're too dull to live with. At least, with me, a woman would get some variety. Not that I want to fall in love. Judging by you and Donnie, it makes you weak, stupid, and is a hassle."

Leo's eyes widened. "Weak?"

Donnie stepped beside Leo and glared at Raph. "Stupid?"

"I'm just saying it looks like it brings out the worst in people and changes them. When Donnie was crushing on April, he refused to see reason and was really emotional. Like, unusually for him. Leo, you are intent on showing off to Karai and you forget what's happening around you. The Shredder would have killed you if Splinter didn't recall you to reality. If that's what romance is, I don't need it."

Leo and Donnie looked at each other sheepishly, then nodded to Raph in defeat. Quietly, and mostly to himself, Leo said, "If crushes make us the opposite of who we are normally, maybe Raph would be improved by one." He looked around and spotted Casey and April, who were trying to retreat to the house stealthily. Sighing heavily, he glanced at Mikey, who was doing the same thing. He followed them, leaving Donnie and Raph outside.

"Raph, given that Leo still has feelings for Karai, that was kind of uncalled for," Donnie scolded long-sufferingly.

"How can he still be crushing on her when she's nearly killed us and wanted to kill him on multiple occasions?"

"'Cause he can't really stop. I mean, he can't make himself stop. Maybe one day, it'll fade. But that has to happen on its own. It's hard to understand if you haven't experienced it, I think. Karai encourages it, too, just like April did with her kisses. I think Karai would have to either choose someone else, as April did, or tell Leo flat out that she's not interested in that way. As long as there's hope, the love will persist."

"I don't get it," Raph said in frustration. "I would think if someone endangered you guys, all bets would be off with them. Whatever warmth I had would disappear pretty fast. How does she matter to him more than us?"

"No," Donnie said confidently. "We matter equally with her. That's why if he has to choose between her and us, he can't decide immediately. He's torn. Because we all matter."

"But she always wins out in the end," Raph argued.

"Weren't you the one that supported the idea that she take over for Leo when he wants to rest? Why are you upset now? If you want the position, just tell him."

"No. That's a different issue. How does she deserve more loyalty than us?"

"Nope," Donnie replied. "That's equal, too. If we ever betrayed him, I'm sure he'd be wary of us, brothers or not. When she betrayed him, she had to work hard to regain his trust. She proved herself by trying to fight Tiger Claw. She did the honorable thing rather than turn us over. I understand why you're wary of her, but I think she's changed. Really changed. On the inside."

"People don't change that much," Raph answered. "She was still raised by the Shredder."

"But Karai can choose not to follow that training. She loves Sensei and Leo. We owe it to them to give her a chance to prove she wants to follow our path. Yeah, maybe she'll slip up and the Shredder's training will show through. But Karai loves people who are totally opposed to him, people who consider him evil. That's a good start."

Raph nodded. "Fine. But if we're poisoned in our sleep…"

"Then blame is irrelevant, isn't it?" Donnie winked. Raph scowled. Both headed inside the house.

Mikey headed back to the kitchen. He washed the rice pot, opened the rice bag, and after washing the rice he'd need, left it soaking in the pot.

Leo hovered at the entrance, looking at Mikey with concern. "You all right?"

"Are you?"

"Oh, I think you summed it up pretty well. Thoroughly embarrassed. But hey, I should be used to it, right?"

"Leo…" Mikey lowered his head and went to hug him, but Leo stepped aside. "I…I'm sorry," he whispered.

Leo just stared at the floor.

"Come on, bro," Mikey pleaded.

Leo looked up. "Why are you apologizing? It's Raph I'm angry at."

"'Cause you said I started this with saying romance was embarrassing."

"I don't think you intended to start a fight, Mikey. Most of the accidents you cause are unintentional."

Mikey could tell the mood was tense. Leo needed comforting, not him. But he had to ask the question Raph had brought up. "Leo? Do you think…Do you think no girl would like me as a boyfriend?"

Leo lay his cheek against his hand in thought. "Your table manners could use some work. You'd probably have to grow up a bit mentally as well. But otherwise, I think you'd be very entertaining and kind and I think women like that. I can't be sure, of course, but…" Leo trailed off, not wanting to bring up Karai.

Mikey considered this answer. "I'm not ready to change yet. Girls aren't that important to me. Can I wait a while? Maybe a long while?"

Leo smiled kindly. "It'll happen or not on its own time, I'm sure. If or when you meet someone you are attracted to, I assume you'll do whatever you have to to attract her."

"Thanks, bro," Mikey grinned. "Don't listen to Raph. He's just jealous you have the affection of a shell-kicking kunoichi. Yeah, she's been pretty mean to us, but she loves you and Sensei. That must mean she has a heart, and a good one.

"Plus, I think she always loved you, even when she wanted to kill you. 'Cause you aren't that obsessed with someone unless they mean something. And Karai has always been totally obsessed with you, dude."

Leo chuckled fondly. How did Mikey always know what to say to soothe hurt pride? He stepped in front of Mikey and embraced him gently. Mikey returned the hug warmly and Leo tightened his hold. They released each other simultaneously to a chorus of "Awwww" by April, Casey, and Donnie. Raph pulled a Mikey and said, "Softie."

Leo actually blushed, but didn't chase Raph. Mikey just bounced happily around the kitchen before adjourning to the living room with the family. They watched TV for a couple hours, animosity forgotten. Mikey remembered to get the rice started during a commercial break, which improved the group's mood even more.


	24. Reunion

While April and Casey had been out shopping, Mikey had been preparing musubi fillings. There was canned tuna; tamago; avocado and imitation crab; fried spam and teriyaki sauce; and minced bamboo shoots and carrots cooked with soy sauce and sugar. He left the TV soon after the rice finished cooking and got to work assembling the food. He shaped the rice cakes into triangles with rounded corners, which he wrapped in dried seaweed. Then, he individually wrapped each musubi in plastic, labeling them with the fillings they contained and putting them on trays, as though he were selling them in a shop. He had twelve of each type, but each musubi was small. He hoped it'd be enough. He figured if people were still hungry, there was always bread, junk food, or fruit.

Night had come to the woods, and the food was waiting in the dining room. The Turtles huddled together, excited and nervous. What if there was a problem? What if there wasn't? Most of all, they feared a delay in Splinter and Karai's arrival.

The house was quiet. The TV had been turned off since no one was paying attention anymore. Mikey kept fidgeting at his place on the couch, Raph and Donnie paced back and forth around the living room, and April was playing with her tessan. Casey left the group and went outside on the swing, feeling a little out of place.

Leo got up and went to his room, returning with his partial candle and matches. He set the candle in the middle of the table and moved it so it was between the couch and the chairs Raph and Donnie favored. He positioned the candle so it could be easily seen by everyone, and then called Raph and Donnie to sit with them.

"Meditation?" Raph asked.

Leo nodded. "Perhaps it will help calm us. This restless energy is unproductive."

April was already relaxing, tessan dropped into her lap. Leo lit the candle and blew out the match, but he did not watch the flame. He didn't need to. Raph, Mikey, and Donnie looked steadily at it. Donnie found that concentrating on the candle did help is mind to quiet. He imagined Splinter seeing the candle somehow and coming home. He held that one image in mind as the minds around him became perceptible. He reached out carefully and brushed each one, feeling them react and respond with either an acknowledgement or answering touch. Leo felt calm, Mikey was excited yet restrained, Raph was pensive, and April was a little afraid, like himself. Focusing back on his image of Splinter, he breathed deeply and slowly. Donnie found that the candle's scent helped to relax him. Eventually, his mind drifted aimlessly. It was not focused or directed. It just sensed. Donnie wondered if this was what Mikey had been trying to explain. 'Just feel.' Donnie perceived everything but the information was not categorized or identified. Leo touched Donnie's mind, like a mental tap on his shoulder, and murmured, "That's the way. You need to trust your intuition more."

"But it has no direction. It's not logical. I don't understand it."

"Donnie, intuition is from your spirit. The point is not how it works. The point is that you trust in it and its intent to help you. Know that it wants good things for you, because it's a part of you. You're a part of it."

"I…I think I'm afraid of it," Donnie whispered.

"If you trust it, then you should not fear it," Leo replied.

"But how can I trust it if I fear it?"

"It's your friend, bro," Mikey put in good-naturedly. "Look at how Leo knew about Karai, or how he can sometimes evade attacks 'cause he just knows they're coming. How? I dunno. But who cares?"

"I thought Leo was just blinded by love," April said. "But now she's one of us. I still can't believe it."

"Believe it," hissed Karai.

Donnie jumped, yelping in surprise.

"How much did you hear?" Raph accused.

"I was trying not to intrude, but I heard my name and Leo's in the same sentence and couldn't resist. I heard the whole conversation. You should listen to Leo, Donnie. He's often right and I've never known him to lie.

"We'll be there soon. Have to go."

Everyone felt Karai's presence vanish.

"Well," said Leo, "I guess we're done here." He blew out the candle but left it where it was and headed outside, everyone else trailing behind.

"Hey dudes," Casey greeted. "They aren't here yet."

"They will be soon," Leo answered confidently.

"How do you know?"

"Meditation," Leo smirked.

Sure enough, Splinter and Karai were moving toward them at a sedate pace. Mikey began bouncing in place excitedly. Leo lay a steadying hand on his shell. "Just a little longer," Leo coaxed. "Let them get here first."

Raph and Mikey stood next to each other. Leo stood behind Raph and Donnie was behind Mikey. April and Casey flanked them, Casey next to Raph and Leo while April stood near Donnie and Mikey.

Splinter and Karai stopped a few yards away. The family surveyed each other for several moments, hardly breathing. Splinter had no robe. Instead, he wore a rectangle of brown cloth around his waist which went down to about the middle of his legs. It was a lightweight material that was wound around him and secured with its own excess length. Karai looked unchanged, but she did have a belt that she could stow things in.

Mikey broke the spell, leaping into Splinter's arms with an infectious whoop of joy and squeezing his ribs in a crushing and loving embrace. Splinter was trying to laugh but having a bit of difficulty. Mikey, however, realized how choked his dad sounded and hurriedly let go, whimpering sadly. But Splinter held his youngest child with firm tenderness and nuzzled his cheek with his muzzle until Mikey's whimpers turned into happy and comforted sounds. Leo smiled warmly at this exchange, and Splinter caught his eye with a quick nod.

Leo noted that Karai was smiling, but that it was sad. However, when he raised his eyebrows in concerned inquiry, she shook her head and waved it off. Leo would have pursued the matter, but with everyone watching, he decided to leave it.

Raph and Splinter stared each other down, almost in challenge. Raph found himself remembering Splinter disappearing under water, could feel himself hitting the bars futilely, could hear himself howling in rage and grief. He looked away, glancing around at his family, and then looked back at Splinter. It was the matted fur that finally did him in. "Sensei," Raph whispered painfully, eyes filling with tears. One of Splinter's ears twitched. Raph ran to Splinter and buried his head against his neck. "I thought…I didn't dare…When Leo said he talked to you, I didn't dare hope. I didn't know, didn't know how much…how much you meant…"

Splinter rubbed his wildest son's shell soothingly. "Sssssh, my son," he whispered. "I am sorry to have frightened you. You see? You got to tell me how much I matter. And I get to tell you I love you."

Raph raised his head, eyes still wet, and smiled. He hadn't known until now how much he'd needed to hear those words from his father. Interesting how nearly losing people changes perspective. No, he didn't need a girlfriend, but knowing Leo and Sensei loved him made him feel complete in a way he couldn't explain. Perhaps they'd never have said it aloud if they hadn't nearly died. Maybe he'd never have told them, either.

Raph and Mikey sat on the swing, arms around each other's shoulders, watching the show and basking in the happy atmosphere.

April and Donnie looked at each other. Then Donnie tugged on April's arm and they approached Splinter together. "Sensei, none of this would have happened if I'd just listened to Leo."

"If I hadn't brought the Kraang to your lair," April added.

"I don't even know how to apologize. How do you apologize for nearly killing two of your own family? It's inadequate."

"How do you apologize for devastating an entire city? For being the cause of the mutation of many innocent people? For destroying fifteen years of a family's memories?"

Splinter lay his paws on Donnie and April's shoulders, looking from one face to the other. "And yet, none of this would have happened without the Kraang's participation and planning. There should not even be any need to apologize. Should you two have done things differently? Yes. But in my experience, good things can come out of tragedy. We can find a new home if we must. We can rebuild our lives. We can learn from mistakes and hopefully be better people. We have retained the most important thing - each other. I have already done this once, so it is a little easier for me. This is new for all of you. But if I have done it, you can, too. Let us look ahead to what must be done, not what cannot be changed."

Donnie and April bowed, and everyone but Casey said, "Hai, Sensei." Casey nodded in agreement, though.

Casey came forward next, holding out a hand to Splinter. They shook hands and then he turned to Karai. "Hey, snake girl. You must be Karai. Leo mentioned you. Leo and Raph. I don't think we've met. I'm Casey Jones, lover of hockey, fast cars, and hot women. You look pretty metal."

Karai opened her mouth, closed it again, and tried to catch Leo's eye. But Leo had retreated by Raph and Mikey, purposely looking away. No, he was not in the mood for further embarrassment. Turning to Casey, she said, "Yeah. I'm Karai. I've heard your name from Leo, too. Giving him a hard time about leadership. Not a good first impression. As for looks, all I can say is you aren't my type. But it's good to finally have a voice and a face to go with the name."

"Heh. Your loss," Casey smirked, walking away to stand with Donnie and April by the swing.

As Leo approached Splinter and Karai, he saw her roll her eyes at Casey's back. But when she noticed him coming, her demeanor was instantly friendly.

Leo's hand rested on his cane as he bowed low to his Sensei and offered a shallower one to Karai. "It is…It warms my heart to see you both, and to see you uninjured. I have yet to hear your stories in detail." Splinter nodded an acknowledgment and Karai bowed back to him, though Leo didn't miss how she reached out and touched his cane with a sad shake of her head.

"Leonardo, my son," came Splinter's warm reply. "It brings me great relief and pride to know the family has been hidden, safe, and intact. So much time has passed. There has been ample opportunity for further disaster. It is a comfort to know that the clan can survive without me."

"Only because we must, Father," Leo answered. "It is not ideal, at least not for me."

Donnie, Raph, and Mikey nodded in agreement with Leo.

"Not a day went by that I did not worry for all of you, April and Casey included. To see everyone up and about and waiting to greet us was the best homecoming gift I could ask for. Thrice I have lost family, and twice I have been reunited with them. But this reunion is the sweetest of them all." Splinter opened his arms to Leonardo as his ears pricked up.. "You have done well, my son. There is a humility of spirit that you did not have when I last saw you. And yet, your spirit is even stronger than it was before we were separated. I am honored to call you team leader. The clan will be in good and capable hands when the time comes."

"Arigato, Sensei," Leo whispered, barely audibly, as he stepped into Splinter's embrace and they held each other close and fierce. Karai twined her body around both of them, one head resting on Splinter's shoulder and another on Leo's. Her tail trailed on the ground next to Splinter's. Leo unwound one arm from around Sensei and he caressed Karai's smooth skin before wrapping it around both of them. "I can't take all the credit, though, not being around most of the time. This was a team effort."

Splinter let go of Leo and bowed to him, then indicated the house with a paw. "Shall we?"


	25. Catching Up

Leo walked beside Splinter and Karai fell back with the rest of the group. Nudging Raph's arm with one of her hands, she pulled him aside and whispered to him. Leo and Splinter turned at the door to check on the rest of the family and they saw Raph and Karai talking. Since their voices were kept low, even Splinter was hard pressed to hear them. Leo and Splinter saw Raph nod to Karai, frowning and pointing in the house's general direction. Karai slithered beside him as they rejoined the group and Splinter and Leo continued inside, but Leo was suspicious of their secrecy. Still, he was able to push that negativity away in favor of enjoying dinner with a complete family.

"It's not much," Mikey said, "but it's the best I could do on short notice. April and Casey got the rice, rice cooker, and nori. Well, they got all the food. I just…threw it together. Hope it's okay, anyway."

"It's rice," Karai said happily. "I've missed it."

"So has Leo," Mikey informed her.

"And myself," Splinter put in.

Karai and Splinter went for tamago, tuna, and vegetables. Leo chose the imitation crab, vegetables, and spam. Karai tried the spam and crab and found she actually liked them. Everyone got to try at least a bite of each variety. No one really disliked any of the fillings; they just ranked them in order of preference.

"Mikey, all of them are good," Karai said. "I like some better than others, but all are very edible. You made these yourself?"

"Yep, though I only count the tamago and vegetables as being done by me. The other stuff…Already cooked, you know?"

"The tamago and vegetables were some of the best," Karai enthused. "I was surprised to like the crab and spam, though. Never had those meats before. The Shredder…I guess such things were beneath him."

"I can imagine," April said. "Canned meat probably would be too poor for him. It's cool you're willing to at least try them before passing judgment."

Karai looked sidelong at Leo. "Just like I was willing to try a Hamato. The Shredder thinks we are beneath him, but I find I can't quite share his opinion."

Leo spoke up. "He did say I was beneath him. But then I somehow managed to survive the Foot army. And I suddenly became worth the effort to kill personally. But as you can see, that didn't work, either. A near thing, though, from what I gather from everyone."

The people in question looked sad until Splinter put in his two cents. "Michelangelo, even if you only made the tamago and vegetables, I am sure you still did all the work of cooking and assembly yourself. I appreciate it. And April and Casey, thank you for looking out for my sons, making sure they have a place to stay, food to eat, and concealment. You do not have to do these things, but you do so because you care for them." He smiled at the humans, who nodded soberly.

"You Japanese mutants are great," Casey grinned. "Loyal, nice, heroic, and great to talk to. Definitely don't want to lose you guys."

"Yeah," April smiled. "It's not like you guys don't do things for us. You protect us, too, and teach us what humanity really is. Because of you, Casey and I are a part of something unique, something no other humans can ever know. We're a part of a cause that's more important than us, and that's pretty empowering."

Leo bowed formally to April and Casey. April bowed back. Casey tried to follow April, but the effect was somewhat marred by Casey's uncomfortable expression. Leo chuckled silently and looked sternly at Casey. "As part of the family, you'd better get used to the gesture. You don't have to learn to use chopsticks or anything, but we do have a culture. Still, you get points for the attempt."

Karai spoke up. "A little too stiff and awkward. He just needs practice." Karai stood on her tail and bowed to Leo fluidly before arranging herself in coils and draping part of herself over one of his forearms.

Leo grinned at her, eyes losing focus as he fully appreciated how she moved. There was something so fascinating about that. "I'm kind of jealous. As a turtle, I'm never going to be as flexible as you and Sensei."

"But you have natural armor. That's an advantage, too. Humans are smart, but it's not so bad to be an intelligent mutant with enhanced physical capabilities."

"Mental ones, too," April put in. "I can hear things even you guys can't. I'm part alien, apparently. I have some of the Kraang's telepathic powers. I just need to learn to have better control over them."

"So that's why the Kraang want you," Karai hissed. "You must represent some experiment that has gone perfectly. Maybe they want to replicate your success with other humans, or try to work out how you happened. What specific factors lead to you. It could be that your telepathy somehow makes you easier to control, if they could just get you away from us. I guess we'll just have to do our best to keep that from happening. Could spell doom for all of us."

"Whoa," said Mikey. "Leo, I think you and Karai would make a great strategy team. You can guess what an enemy might do; she seems to have good ideas on why they do it. Really, both of you are kind of scary when you're in mission mode."

"Being raised with the Shredder, you learn quickly that everyone is expendable and everyone has a use. But that's only one side of the story." She nodded to Leo, who nodded back.

"Guess I have to catch up on training with Sensei. The better I can control my mind, the more chance I have to not be an easy victim for the Kraang."

"Yes," Sensei said solemnly. "We will have to reestablish our old routine. But as much as I'd like to start immediately, I can't. Now, I'm going to take a bath, unless Karai would like to go first."

Karai slid off of Leo's arm, so that he felt it like a caress. "Thanks, Father. I'll go first, but only because I'll probably be out faster. You have all that fur." She flicked her tongue and turned to the door of the dining room, only to realize she didn't know where the tub was. "Um, where's the bathroom?"

"Upstairs, across from one of the rooms," Leo directed, and then frowned. "Um, maybe April can show you."

April smiled at Leo and nodded. "Come on, Karai. Follow me."

As April and Karai left, the remaining guys went to the living room. April rejoined them after five minutes or so. Splinter told the family how he was saved by Karai, about encountering Leatherhead but losing track of him when he and Karai left the city, about moving slowly and carefully to avoid being seen. He spoke of sleeping underground, of trying to avoid light, and getting rid of his robe, which only slowed him down. "Perhaps we should have gotten here faster, but Karai and I reasoned that it was better to take our time than to try to move quickly and make a mistake, especially after we knew you were alive."

"I think it turned out for the best," Leo answered. "We have some crazy stories to tell you and Karai, about mutants in the woods, Casey's encounter with a deer, and how we all lost and regained trust."

"But I'm sure it can wait. It's too late now to tell it without a break," Donnie advised.

"And there's the emotional upheaval we all went through right after the invasion, which I guess you can imagine," April said softly. "We survived, but I know for myself, my heart wasn't in it. I just did it because I couldn't abandon the others. I couldn't do anything else, but it was the first time I really felt unsure that I wanted to recover, that I could recover. When Leo returned to us, it was better. I saw hope and found I wanted to live again. I wasn't just doing it because there was nothing better to do. But you were still missing. Now we're all here, and this house feels like a home. We'll deal with New York and the future together, and I feel confident whatever's waiting for us won't break us."

"It is as I said, kunoichi," Splinter replied with a proud smile, "your greatest weapon is your mind."

April held her head high and sat up straight and tall. She knew she'd be saddened by whatever was happening in New York, but she had a family she knew would still be there for her despite her mistakes. She had a family who forgave her, loved her, and wanted her to be the best she could be.

Karai found the family in the living room. "Okay, Father. Your turn."

Splinter stood, swishing his tail and shaking himself a little. "I am looking forward to this. I have informed them of what we've been up to for the past few months. They say their lives have been much more...eventful recently, though I am gathering that while Leonardo was unconscious, much of everyone's time was spent just trying to keep their heads above water, emotionally and physically." Splinter's ears lowered. He even began to drop onto all fours and lower himself to the floor, but he caught himself and stood up again. "I am sure they will need to speak of their difficulties to me soon, but that should wait for tomorrow, I think."

"Mmm hmmm," Karai said, motioning to Raph. "Maybe you can wait, but I want answers now. I won't be able to sleep with the question bugging me. Come on, Raph."

Splinter headed upstairs while Karai left the house with Raph, going a short way into the trees. Raph sat in a low fork while Karai simply wound around the trunk and let some lower, sturdy branches support some of her weight. Raph proceeded to tell her the story of Leo's injuries, as told by Leo, and then their perspective after Leo was thrown through April's window. Karai didn't know whether to cry or break something. She managed to do neither, but the tautness of her body and her quick, jerky movements told Raph she was angry.

Meanwhile, Mikey and Leo were curious about Raph and Karai's conversation. Casey, Donnie, and April could tell Leo was still attracted to her, but were split over whether Karai felt the same. Casey said that Karai touched Leo and bowed to him, so that must indicate attraction. Donnie thought those things didn't necessarily mean anything romantic. But April knew, intuitively and by analysis of Karai's actions and demeanor around Leo, that Karai did in fact feel the same way.

"Want me to spy on them for ya?" Mikey asked eagerly.

Leo shook his head. "No. It is clear they want privacy. I'm sure whatever it is will come out eventually, whether it's Karai asking how Raph feels about her or even doing something crazy together. I just hope they don't stay out long. It's dangerous as is."

"I don't think that's what she's asking," April said, rolling her eyes at Leo. Her expression plainly said he was being stupid.

"I wouldn't blame her for choosing Raph, though. I think he can entertain her better. And he's stronger. He was always stronger. Even when I wasn't injured. I guess I just had more stamina, so it evened out. Now I'm less than that."

"Leo!" April snapped sharply. She grabbed a pillow off the couch and whacked Leo in the head with it, this time for not understanding Karai. Ironic that she'd yelled at him before because Karai was in the Foot and now she was trying to stick up for her.

"What? No, it's fine. I mean, I'll just...deal with it somehow." Leo's voice was already heartbroken.

April stood and shook Leo by the shoulders, growling.

"Hey, hey," Donnie broke in. "Uncalled for. You know he can't hurt you unless it's a legitimate spar. He's not Raph. He's a gentleman."

April backed off, sitting down again.

"Leo," Donnie tried to reassure, "if she does choose Raph, I'm sure he'll take care of her for your sake. Or he might just say no. I don't think he likes her in the way you do."

At this point, everyone heard the sound of the front door slamming and being locked for the night. Leo got to his feet, nodding to the group. "Going to my room. Not sleeping right away, but I can't stay here. Will probably see you guys tomorrow."

"Good night," April said.

Donnie patted Leo's forearm sympathetically.

"Later, dude," Mikey and Casey chorused.

Karai and Raph entered the room as Leo was leaving. "Sleeping already?" Karai asked.

Leo turned back and nodded. "Yeah. Not right now, but I like to meditate before sleep."

All the brothers nodded at this. They had often seen candlelight from Leo's room. Sometimes, he was too tired to meditate, but he did like to do it when he had the energy.

Karai looked serious. "Disciplined. But then, I shouldn't be surprised. It makes you an elegant warrior. Beautiful technique. Meditation has the added benefit of emptying one's mind and keeping nightmares at bay."

Leo nodded gratefully and smiled proudly. "I appreciate the compliment. And Sensei said that about meditation, too."

"Rest well," Karai murmured very softly. In the quiet room, everyone heard her, but the words were clearly meant to be intimate.

"You, too, whenever you do. Good night, Raph."

"Night, bro," Raph answered.

Leo resumed his walk to his room as the rest of the family settled in and watched cooking shows on TV. Splinter came downstairs and claimed the couch to sleep on. The TV was turned off and everyone else headed upstairs. April and Karai shared a room and the house slept.


	26. Wheeling and Dealing

It was about 1:30 in the morning, and Karai and Leo couldn't sleep. They had both slept for a while but couldn't return to it now. They were troubled by thoughts of each other.

Knowing it was pointless to stay on her pile of blankets, Karai left the room and closed the door softly behind her. She headed downstairs and looked around, exploring the kitchen and scenting something with her tongue from a room she hadn't noticed tucked in the corner of the living room. She realized she knew this smell - a beeswax candle. She slithered closer stealthily, scenting the air again. And she now knew this was where Leo ought to be sleeping.

Leo sat at his desk, door ajar beside him. He fingered a stack of paper and drew a blank sheet, setting it in front of him. He looked down at it and picked up the blue pen next to him. The paper was just an unadorned white. He'd have preferred something fancier for this letter, but such things were only memories now with the lair gone. Great. Another thought to bring him down. And what would he say, anyway? Say what he felt? Yes, of course. It's what he always did. But how would it be taken? Saying what he felt often ended badly. And yet, he couldn't do otherwise. Lying was something shameful, done to hide ugly truths. And Leo had never lied to Karai, no matter how much it hurt. He decided he'd just improvise. He wrote in Japanese:

_Karai,_

_I don't know what drew me to you first - your intelligence or your skill with words and weapons. Maybe I recognized a kindred warrior spirit. But that connection, whatever its cause, has never truly broken. Despite you trying to kill me, despite your willingness to hurt my family, I cannot hate you. Neither can I consider you evil. I'm probably being an idiot again, but I can only tell you the truth._

_I know I'm not who you remember. I'm weaker, I sound different, I move differently. So…I would understand if…if you don't feel the same way about me anymore._

_I remember you said Raph entertained you. He said you were sexy and he could understand why I was drawn to you. I do not think you conventionally beautiful, either as a human or a snake, but I do find you alluring, graceful, and hypnotic. Then and now._

_I think you and Raph would enjoy each other's company. He's wild, loves to fight, and even has a motorcycle. Somehow, I think you'd enjoy that. I imagine if you had proposed stealing that katana to him, he'd have gone with you without much hesitation. He's changed somewhat from before. He's more mature, more responsible. But I'm probably still more mature and more responsible, and I know that's not your thing._

Leo put his pen down and turned aside, head bowed sadly as he blinked back tears. Karai, watching silently, lowered her head in sympathy. She stood to the side of the doorframe, looking through the space between it and the door, so she couldn't make out what he was writing. But she knew a defeated posture when she saw one.

Leo continued to write.

_Karai, Raph's a good guy. Blunt and reckless at times, but he cares deeply for family and friends. He would defend and protect you, as he's done for the rest of us, and I'd be around to spar with on occasion._

_I just want the best for you. You deserve happiness, acceptance, a place to belong, someone who loves you for you and not what you can do for them. You deserve someone who sees you as the strong, capable, and caring woman that you are, not property or a pawn in a vendetta. Raph may not love you in the same way I do, but I think he's more capable than me, and he may always be now. So if you want him for what he can offer, if you think he can give you more than me, don't feel badly for making that choice. I will love you still._

_Hamato Leonardo_

Leo read over the letter and nodded, folding it into thirds and sliding it in an envelope. He got up to go seal it. He was not going to lick that disgusting adhesive. And that was when Karai pushed the door open and slithered into the room.

Leo blinked, frozen in mid-stride. Eventually, he sat back down and began turning the envelope in his hands over and over in agitation. He would not look at Karai.

Karai hissed softly, noticing Leo wasn't wearing his mask. She spotted it over the back of his chair, tails sticking out from under his belt.

The sound of the letter sliding out of the envelope was loud in the room. Leo proffered the letter, glancing quickly at Karai's face before looking down at the top of the desk. She took it slowly, shaking it open and beginning to read. "Nice handwriting," she quipped airily, but her mood rapidly turned from curious to sad, with a side order of anger, by the time she finished. "Your Japanese is impeccable. But it won't save you. Leonardo, you are an idiot."

Leo turned to face Karai, not one to back down from her challenges. "Is it so wrong to want good things for you?"

"Of course not, Leo. Your folly doesn't lie in that. It's the idea that Raph could be what you want for me."

"Karai, I know Raph better than you. What I said about him was true. He's no slouch in combat, he would die to protect you as part of his family, and he would understand your frustration and your need for freedom better than I could. I don't see what the problem is with my recommendation."

"Recommendation?" Karai stared at him in disbelief. "Leo, what are you talking about? This isn't a business transaction. This is a partnership. And I don't think Raph has what I need. You listed traits that I already possess. Why would I need someone who offers what I already have? It seems to make more logical sense, even strategic sense, to have a partner who can provide skills I lack. And the way I see it, that person is you."

"Me? But look at me. You deserve someone just as capable as you, not someone you have to protect and slow down for."

"I deserve someone who'll love me for me, not my skills and abilities. Don't you think you deserve that, too? And I don't think I need to remind you, but I'm not who you remember, either. Still, judging by your letter, it hasn't changed your opinion. Why don't you give me a bit more credit for loyalty instead of just assuming I'm not interested because you're injured?"

"Karai, it's not like that," Leo protested.

"Really?" she spat sarcastically. "'Cause it sure sounds like you've already decided how I feel and what's best for me. I hate to sound trite, but you're not me. I think I know me better than you do."

"Karai, I thought you said I bored you, that I was basically too straight-laced for your liking. Why can't you give me the benefit of the doubt and take my words at face value? Why can't you see my sentiments come from love and not a sense of superiority?"

"How is deciding my partner anything other than patronizing? You won't accept my choice simply because it doesn't agree with your opinion."

"Karai, I just…" Leo sighed in defeat. "Never mind. We're not getting anywhere. Please go. There's no reason to carry on talking."

"No. No, Leo. You aren't pushing me around. I'm staying, and I'm going to get to the bottom of why you've rejected me." Karai's eyes filled with tears of frustration and grief. She tore his letter in two and threw it in his waste basket, then turned away and buried her head in the sheets on his futon, trying to compose herself.

Leo got up, closed his door all the way, locked it for good measure, and sat on the futon. He stroked Karai's head rhythmically and did what came naturally. He scooted back until he was leaning against the wall behind him and pulled Karai against him so that her head lay against his chest, just under his neck. "I haven't rejected you and you know it. Otherwise, why would I have written to you?"

"Maybe you say I should be with Raph just to be polite. Like, 'I don't want you, but I know someone who might.' Yet you can't come right out and say that because you're too noble."

"What?" It was Leo's turn to be incredulous. "Where did you learn such convoluted thinking? Oh wait. The Shredder. Karai, I thought it was pretty clear in the letter that I still care for you romantically and that it would cause me pain if you chose Raph."

Karai was angry again. Mindful of her position against Leo, she pulled away from his embrace and glared at him. "If you don't really want me with him, why'd you bring him up at all?"

"Karai, you know the answer to that. We already went this way. No need to repeat things."

"Okay. Then let's go somewhere we haven't yet. You said you don't think Raph loves me as you do. You also said I deserve a true, pure love - something real, caring, kind. And you said that if I chose Raph, you'd still love me.

"Then tell me, Samurai. How does Raph love me, and how do you?"

"To Raph, you are family. You are a sister, probably an equivalent of April, who we also consider family. To me…" Leo's expression was gentle and tender. "You are my Rogue kunoichi - fierce, passionate, empathetic, and sharp as a tanto. Or katana. Whichever you prefer."

"And you are still my adorable idiot," Karai said with exasperated fondness. "Why should I go to one who views me only as a sister when I have someone who can be both brother and lover right here? Doesn't that make more economic sense?" She nudged Leo teasingly.

Leo laughed. "That doesn't quite sound right, but I get your meaning. But I don't understand why I still appeal to you, given my current condition."

"Ever heard the song 'You've Got a Way?' It's by Shania Twain," Karai replied.

"I'm drawing a blank, I'm afraid."

"You should listen to it when you have the time. It answers your question better than I could. But I'll try to answer now.

"Why do I love you? Because you taught me the meaning of love and honor. And because you believed in me when no one else did. Not Father, not Raph, not the Shredder. When everyone else told you I was a Foot member and that I was bad news and that I was not to be trusted, still you didn't give up." Karai was crying on Leo's shoulder now, her voice a tearful whisper near his head. "Leo, you gave me gifts I can never, ever repay. You gave me a family, a home, a place where I belong. If it's the last thing I do, I intend to be those things for you. Say I can."

Leo held her close, twining her body around his chest and draping her over his thighs. She helped him by coiling in his lap, though her tail still stayed straight behind her. "Karai," Leo whispered hoarsely. "I…I'm so sorry. I've been selfish and patronizing. I dishonored you. How can I deserve your forgiveness?"

"The same way I don't deserve yours but you've given it anyway. Your intent was good. You were willing to lose me so I could have more, at least from your perspective. That's love. I get what you were trying to do. So what do you say? Want to give this partnership a try?"

Leo got to his feet and Karai threw some coils around his waist, gripping him firmly but not too tightly. The rest of her body slid over the floor beside Leo so as not to trip him. He drew a blade from his belt. "I think maybe we started it a long time ago. Remember the knife you threw when I asked for help with Snakeweed?"

Karai gave a laughing hiss. "Yesssss. I'm flattered you kept it all this time."

"I couldn't surrender it. I wanted to keep it to remember you by. I always carry it. It became a symbol of hope, oddly enough.

"How about if one of us wants to end things, we just return each other's knives?"

Karai drew the knife Splinter gave her from the belt she wore and nodded. "We have a deal." She aligned her knife beside the one Leo still held, which was positioned horizontally with the sharp side of the blade facing the floor, and slid it along the metal to make a scraping sound before placing it on his desk. Leo lay his knife alongside hers and looked at Karai hopefully.

"Maybe a kiss? Just for luck, you understand."

Karai lay her hands on Leo's shoulders and kissed him firmly on the lips.. He responded instinctively, following her lead, and then drew back. Karai noticed his closed eyes.

"I…uh…" Leo blushed endearingly and opened his eyes. "I'm not so proficient in these arts. You'll have to be my sensei."

"Oh. That I can do," she practically purred. "For the record, you didn't do badly. Sure, you could have put a bit more emotion into it, but you're nervous, so it's understandable. It was good for a first try, though. I sense great potential in you." Karai's tone was playful.

Leo smiled, appreciating Karai's tact in forgiving his clumsy awkwardness. "Hai, Sensei. Domo arigato. Please let me learn from you."

Karai chuckled. "Only if you continue to teach me. Sound fair?"

In answer, Leo kissed Karai again, but tenderly, softly. She was a treasure he'd never part with willingly, dearer even than his beloved katanas, and equal to his family in value. Indeed. She was friend, partner, teacher, and sister, which gave her a status all her own.

Karai caressed Leo's cheek lovingly. "See? You're already improving. Let's start with the basics." Karai undulated rhythmically over Leo's body, awakening physical pleasure he had only read about before. He lowered himself onto his mattress and Karai pushed him into a prone position firmly, sliding her tail lightly over his thighs, making him shudder pleasantly. "Well, maybe not so basic after all," she hissed close to his ear. She removed her belt and placed it with Leo's, blowing out the candle on his desk while she was in the area, before returning to lie beside him.

The next couple hours were spent in exploration that truly engaged every sense. Karai used her serpentine flexibility to devastating effect, molding to Leo's form and varying the speed and firmness of her caresses to tease and please. What began as stilted and timid ended with intuition and a trance so deep they both forgot the world.


	27. Approval and Advice

The next morning, Splinter came to Leo's door and knocked on it. He would have just walked in but the door was still locked. Everyone else was already awake and eating breakfast. Getting no answer, he rapped on the door with his cane, a bit louder.

Leo stirred from under Karai. He was lying on his side. Karai's head lay on his chest, cushioned by his blanket. It was folded over to create some padding. Her coils were draped over his shell and wound around it, her tail draped over one of his thighs. Leo's arm, which was draped over the coils over his waist, moved to the mattress to help prop himself up. Karai hissed in annoyance, not liking the attempt at movement. "Sorry, Rogue," Leo apologized, voice raspy from sleep. "The door. Someone wants me."

"Not as much as I do," Karai grumbled, her own voice still drowsy. "Hurry up, then. You make a good bed."

"Yes. Of course," Leo replied, sounding sarcastic and amused as he stood and stretched, rubbing his eyes while walking to the door. He unlocked it with a click and pulled it open.

Splinter was patiently waiting outside. Seeing Leo, he chuckled softly. "It appears…this is a bad time. And here I wondered if you were sick. It's usually the reason you sleep in. I guess I needn't have worried."

"Sensei, I…um…" Leo glanced back over his shoulder toward the mattress. Karai uncoiled deliberately and stretched her serpentine body languidly, swaying sensuously toward Leo. Coming up behind him, she climbed up his body, sliding against him as she went, head resting on his shoulder and her hands crossed over his chest. His shell bore some of her weight but she was wrapped securely around him and had a good hold. Her tail trailed beside him on the floor. Leo found, with mild interest, that he could carry her this way without much trouble.

"You seem to be transfixed, my son," Splinter teased.

Leo blushed. Karai licked his cheek, making his blush deepen. "Lovely," she hissed next to his ear. "What do you think, Father? Won't we make an entrance?"

"You will definitely make an impression, my daughter," Splinter chuckled.

"Um…Maybe we shouldn't do that," Leo said worriedly, looking at Karai.

"What better way to make an announcement?" Karai laughed.

"Shall I warn them?" Splinter asked.

"No," Karai said casually, lifting a hand and waving it carelessly before returning it to its place on Leo. "More fun this way."

"See you two in the dining room." Splinter smiled mischievously, his own beloved Shen having pulled a similar stunt to announce who she had chosen.

Karai gave it a couple minutes. Then, "Come on, Samurai. Don't tell me you're afraid."

"You don't understand. I'm never going to hear the end of this. Of course, I'm afraid."

"Don't worry, Leo. If they start disrespecting you, I'll spit venom at them. Maybe literally, if I get angry enough. Or I could always hit them with my tail."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" Sighing deeply in resignation, Leo started to the dining room, cane in hand. He stopped in the doorway, seeing that his usual seat was still available. Two plates with waffles, scrambled eggs, and canned ham were already waiting for the pair. The maple syrup bottle sat between the plates.

"Leonardo, Miwa," Splinter greeted, brown eyes laughing merrily. "Come have a seat."

Leo moved toward his seat but backpedaled as April's half-full glass of juice dropped from her hand and shattered on the floor. Her look of shock was actually pretty funny. Leo began laughing as he felt some of the juice slosh onto his toes. Luckily, though, he'd been quick enough to avoid the glass.

Casey was whistling, thoroughly enjoying the scene. "Nice going, Leo," he called, which made Leo pull his head partially into his shell. Karai nuzzled his neck with her snout, however, and he extended his head again, enjoying the feeling of her breath on him.

Mikey looked more amazed than surprised. It never occurred to him that adults voluntarily engaged in piggyback rides, either giving or receiving.

Raph and Donnie raised their own glasses of juice and clinked them together in congratulation.

Splinter smiled and poured some tea, putting two cups at Leo's place. Leo walked around the mess on the floor and Karai flicked her tongue against Leo's neck, eliciting a gasp of mingled surprise and pleasure. April looked away, feeling as though she were intruding.

"Why are you awkward, O'Neil?" Karai challenged. "You're not the one performing."

"You shouldn't be doing that in public, Hamato," April retorted.

"This counts as public?" Karai asked. "We're not even outside."

"You should keep it in Leo's room," April grumbled.

Leo looked away awkwardly.

"Fine," Karai snapped in annoyance. "But none of the guys are worried about it. Father's not even phased."

"I have seen it before. And more," Splinter said quietly. "I am not surprised or disgusted. But Karai, it seems to offend April, so at least keep her in mind when deciding whether or not to listen to your desire."

Karai nodded against Leo's shoulder and Leo finally made it to his seat. He sat down and she slid off him, sliding her tea to the seat next to him and climbing onto it. "So you guys don't have questions?" Karai hissed, showing her fangs. Leo casually sipped at his tea, Karai doing the same.

"Nope," said Raph. "If we couldn't tell you're together based on how you came in, we certainly got the message when you licked his neck. What else is there to ask? Why? How? It's not like it was any surprise, really."

"Oh. They're a couple? Congrats, bro. Karai." He grinned and waved cheerily.

Leo saluted and Karai waved back. Leo put syrup on his waffles and raised quizzical eyebrows at Karai, indicating her waffles with his free hand. She nodded and murmured her thanks as he poured for her. They began eating with everyone. Then Leo spoke over the sound of forks against plates.

"I have a question. Raph, can I ask what you and Karai spoke about privately last night? I'll understand if you can't or don't want to answer, of course. But I'm curious."

Karai and Raph looked at each other, at Leo, and then back at each other. Karai nodded and Raph shrugged. Karai answered for Raph. "Is that what made you write that ridiculous letter?"

"Yeah, kind of," Leo admitted. "Thought maybe you had feelings for him."

Raph and Karai both snorted simultaneously. "I keep telling you, Leo. It's not like that," Raph complained. "And what letter?"

Leo and Karai looked at each other, but Leo shook his head. "It was stupid," Leo muttered.

"But his intent was good," Karai caressed Leo's forearm with a hand. "He basically said you were better for me. And Leo, I was asking Raph about what the Foot did to you. I never heard the story from you and didn't want you to have to relive it again. Injuries like that…Anyone with any empathy knows that in order to be injured so badly, you had to have gone through hell. I didn't want to hurt you more by asking you."

"Awww," Mikey grinned. "Can we keep her? She's such a softie."

"Mikey!" Raph and Leo scolded together.

Karai wasn't quite sure how to react. She was offended, but she was also charmed by the innocent boy. "Damn it, Leo. This is all your fault."

"My fault?" Leo argued.

"Yeah. Before I met you, I didn't have this problem."

"What problem?"

"A heart problem," Karai snapped.

"Oh. Well, maybe it's Father's fault. Or your mother's. I suspect you always had this problem. I just…woke it up again, made you feel it again."

"If I didn't have this problem, would you have seen anything in me worth salvaging?"

"Honestly…No. But that's a moot point. Like it or not, it's part of who you are. Deal with it."

"Sometimes, you are so-"

"Infuriating? Frustrating? Undeniable? Irresistible?" Leo grinned with his own child-like charm, laughing.

Karai hugged him, laying her head against his cheek. "Right. Sometimes, you know me better than I do."

Leo pulled away, his eyes soft, as he gulped tea that was now lukewarm. Karai followed suit, staring into her empty cup thoughtfully. The rest of the family began moving around, clearing the table and wiping it down. April and Casey began washing dishes.

Splinter noticed Leo and Karai's empty cups and brought the teapot to them. Leo served them and they sat together, Splinter sipping his tea while Leo and Karai finished their breakfast quietly.

"So you approve of us?" Karai asked without preamble.

"Should I not?" Splinter asked.

Karai waved a hand dismissively. "I really have no opinion. But Leo said we should ask."

"It might be best if you two do not sleep together at night. Sounds are very loud then, and I would hate to be accused of favoritism. However, the romance itself is fine by me, since the others do not appear to be troubled by it and even expected it."

"Sounds reasonable," Leo acknowledged. "Last night…"

"Probably just happened without conscious planning," Splinter smiled knowingly. "I heard some of what was said. Snatches of conversation when you two were angry and raising your voices. It's why I came to wake you up instead of one of your brothers."

"Thanks, Father," Leo smiled gratefully.

"It was no problem, my son. You will be good to Miwa, I know. And I think Miwa will be good for you. I wish you two the best of luck. I am very proud that you have chosen each other. You are the kind of young man I would want for Miwa, if you were not already my son."

Leo smiled shyly and busied himself with his food. Karai smiled softly at Splinter.

Karai took their empty cups and plates to the sink, Splinter beside her with the teapot. Karai turned in time to see the turtles starting to leave.

"Guys?" Karai called over the sound of running water and dish washing..

"Yeah?" Raph looked at Karai with a mixture of wariness and concern.

"What up, dudette?" Mikey grinned disarmingly.

"Yes?" Donnie was polite and approachable, offering a friendly smile.

Leo offered no words or emotional displays. Karai already knew he was listening.

"Can we…go somewhere less public?" Karai asked awkwardly.

"Now look who's talking," April muttered from her place at the sink, but Splinter put a restraining paw on her shoulder.

"More private?" Donnie asked. "Hard to find privacy here, but let's go to the barn. Probably the best place."

The turtles and Karai left the room with goodbye nods to the group.

April glanced at Splinter, troubled. The dishes done, Casey grabbed some napkins off the table and began mopping up the spilled juice.

"Be careful, young man," Splinter admonished. "Perhaps you should use a dustpan and sweep instead."

"Nah, I'll be okay, Dad," Casey smirked, grabbing more napkins and sopping up more juice before wadding up the mess and throwing it in a rubbish can. He left the dining room and got the dustpan and broom from the kitchen, returning and beginning to tackle the glass.

"Here, I'll do it. It's my mess," April offered.

"It's fine, Red," Casey shrugged one shoulder, continuing to clean up. "It's just one glass. Not a huge job. I'm glad Leo didn't step on it."

"He has good reflexes," April said admiringly. "He saw it falling and his eyes widened fractionally in surprise before he sort of skipped back. Then, he started laughing at me. Humph."

"I don't blame him, Red. You should have seen your face. But I'm betting it was Karai's idea. I don't think it's in Leo to do something so crazy."

"I'm surprised he agreed to it," April mused.

"Leonardo was unwilling at first. But if he really didn't want to go through with it, he had ways of not doing so. He could have made Karai understand that he truly did not wish to obey her. So I can only assume he did not personally have a problem with it. It was just not something he felt comfortable doing by himself. It made Karai happy, and for her sake, he was willing to suffer some awkwardness. He loves her. What can I say?"

"He's a lucky guy," Casey murmured, staring resolutely at the glass in the pan and throwing it in the trash can as well. Casey looked up and Splinter and April noted longing or sorrow in Casey's eyes, but he left the room quietly, returning with a damp paper towel to pick up glass fragments from the floor. He set to work, sweeping everything in a pile and managing to get it all.

"Thanks, Casey," April said sincerely, meeting his eyes steadily.

Casey waved jauntily and began leaving, calling over his shoulder in the doorway. "You guys need anything else? If not, I'm watching some sports."

"No, my son," Splinter smiled affectionately. "You've done well. You earned some relaxation."

"Cool, rat dude," Casey flashed a cocky smirk and sauntered away, Splinter shaking his head as if to say, 'What will I do with that boy.'

April giggled at the exchange. "Sensei, can I talk to you in my room? It's upstairs at one end of the hall."

"Of course," he answered kindly, following her.

Closing her door, April sat on her bed as Splinter sat on the wooden chair that went with her desk, facing her. "Sensei, you're a second dad to me, you know. I don't know if we'll ever find my dad again, let alone find enough mutagen to try to revert him to his human self, but having you around really helps. I was heartbroken, too, when you were thrown into the whirlpool like so much rubbish." She blinked, her eyes wet because of the memory. "You treat me like your own daughter, even though Karai's with us now. So I wanted to ask you something I would ask my other dad."

"Certainly, my daughter," Splinter replied gently. "I am touched you missed me as my own sons have. Miwa is my biological daughter, but you and she are different people. I would not abandon you or feel differently about you just because she is a Hamato and you are not. You were not a substitute for her, just as she is not a substitute for my boys. I adopted you because I genuinely liked you, saw that you are a good person beneath your sometimes stormy temper. Do not worry. I understand completely." He smiled. "I will answer you as best I can, if the question is not too painful."

"It might be. It's kind of…kind of about your wife."

Splinter's ears drooped, but he waited.

"How did you know she was the one? I mean, the one you wanted to marry, the one who was right for you? Leo and Karai just argued in front of us and then Leo broke the tension and Karai couldn't stay mad at him. Karai seems to want to make sure everyone knows he's hers, and Leo certainly doesn't seem ashamed of her. If he were, he'd never have walked in like that.

"Casey and Donnie used to have feelings for me. But try as I might, I couldn't reciprocate with the same intensity. They are both good guys in different ways, and when they weren't trying to get my attention, nice to be around. Casey's fun and sociable. As a human, he offered a future I still want. You know, college, marriage, a career in science. But we can't talk much beyond shared experiences with you and the guys. I honestly wasn't comfortable enough to approach him about his own missing family, and he never asked about mine.

"With Donnie, it was the opposite problem. Lots in common, easy to talk to him, and he knows and seems to like my dad. I think my dad likes him, too, though probably not as a boyfriend for me. But he's a turtle. It just…You know what I mean. I was raised thinking such unions are bad, and I just can't feel anything physical there.

"I think I resent Leo and Karai. They have what I want. But I shouldn't be feeling this way. I love Leo dearly, as a friend and a brother. I'd like to get to know Karai better but I already think of her as family. How can I love them and yet hate them, too?"

"I believe you answered your own question about Shen," Splinter said thoughtfully. "I knew she was right for me because I was physically and mentally attracted to her. Fortunately, she felt similarly about me. Such a happy coincidence is difficult to find.

"Like you saw with Leo and Miwa, Shen also changed me for the better. Leo brought Miwa back to me. His brothers helped and I solidified her resolve to become a Hamato and reject the Shredder, but it was Leo who loved her first, Leo who changed her world. Without him, she would not have given me a second look. I was the enemy and that was that.

"Shen was not afraid to fight with me, spar with me, talk with me about everything, from the mundane to the personal. We had similar interests and she made me a little more funny, a little more spontaneous, a lot more humble." Splinter chuckled fondly. "Over my time with her, she became more patient, more tactful, more deliberate. She looked ahead more, planned more, and used her well-honed resourcefulness often for my benefit and ours as a team. What I'm saying is that you need to find someone who brings out the best in you, as well as someone you do the same thing for, and make sure they accept your flaws as part of the package. You want someone who improves you, not someone who'll destroy your fundamental character. I hope this is helpful.

"You have not found the right person for you yet. But you have many years ahead. Experiment. That is valuable for knowing what you like and what you don't."

"Thanks, Sensei," April smiled. "Donnie and Casey seemed to provoke the worst in me. Seeing them fight infuriated me. I wasn't flattered or favoring anyone. I was just annoyed."

Splinter nodded in understanding. "Not good signs. But it is okay. You have learned something, judging by your use of past tense. It is good to know Donatello and Casey's rivalry has ended. I would not like for either of them to become like Saki and I, brothers turned mortal enemies.

"The Shredder and I, April. That is how you love and hate someone simultaneously. You mourn who they were, you yearn for days past, and hate what they have done, what they have taken, what they continue to do. And I am afraid Miwa gets her vengeful streak from me and the Shredder, because I crave it for Leonardo as well as myself now. It is Leonardo who encourages me to ignore it, to wait, to let the Shredder find us again. Leonardo reminds me that vengeance brings pain, that I need to be prudent and do what I can to remain alive for him, for my family. He is a wise young man. Please do not resent him. He deserves the love he has found, one who is not put off by his leg injury and will likely do all she can to help him heal."

"I don't resent them anymore," April said. "It's clear they make each other happy and are good influences. Karai's skills can only help our team, too."

"Yes, indeed. And you will finally have another young woman to talk to. I am sure it has been hard being around so many men. You fit in with my boys, but sometimes, there are things one simply cannot say to the opposite sex, I know."

"Yep," April grinned. "It's just a different perspective that men can't get because they aren't women. Vice versa, of course.

"Thank you so much for the talk. I feel a lot better now. Not so confused and ashamed."

"I am happy I could help," Splinter said, putting an arm around her shoulders briefly. "I think I will go check on Miwa and my sons."

"okay. I'm staying here for a bit. Feel like some alone time."

"Take care." Splinter closed April's door as he left, his heart so light and happy to have everyone alive and maturing into fine people. Less fighting was nice, too.


	28. Acquaintances and Agreements

Karai and the turtles arranged themselves on bales of hay, Karai's upper body draped across Leo's shoulders as the rest of her lay coiled on the bale beside him..

"You really like doing that, huh?" Donnie grumbled.

"It's comfortable. And Leo doesn't seem to mind." Indeed, Leo was stroking the back of her neck as she spoke. He didn't even seem to realize he was doing it.

"I think you're hitting a nerve, dudette," Mikey said unnecessarily.

"Look, Michelangelo, it's not my problem if April and Donnie are offended easily."

Leo went rigid under her. "Those two were involved in some painful experiences with romance. I think seeing us is an unwelcome reminder. Maybe you should get down."

"You don't want me to. And I don't want to," Karai challenged.

"Yes, but the team. We can't just think of ourselves. Come. Get down," Leo commanded reluctantly.

Karai hissed in displeasure, but obeyed, draping an arm over Leo's forearm instead. Donnie frowned, but said nothing. Leo looked at Donnie thoughtfully, but allowed Karai to hold her position. "So. What did you want to discuss?" Leo asked Karai.

"Um…" Karai's tail twitched in agitation. She coiled into a defensive position, then realized what she was doing and uncoiled. "I…I can't…" She turned to Leo, her body relaxing. "I'm not good about saying it."

Leo chuckled. "Oh, what? Like 'Thank you?' You can talk to me. Why not them?"

"I don't know them," Karai answered.

"How are you going to know them if you don't talk to them?" Leo paused, trying to empathize. How would he feel if he were in a room with strangers that he only knew by name? What would he need from the group to make him feel more comfortable? "Do you need them to tell you a little about themselves?"

"You know what? Yeah. That's a great idea."

"Okay, guys. Why don't you tell Karai a few things you like or dislike, things that make you unique or make you stand out from the rest of us?"

"Ooh, ooh, ooh," Mikey bounced excitedly on his hay bale. He got up and approached Karai, grabbing her in a hug. Karai stiffened, but Mikey was already talking. "I'm Mikey. Fifteen years old. I loooove pizza. I've got a mutant cat made of ice cream as a pet. She's a blend of strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla. Well, a little chocolate. I also like comics and video games and skateboarding. I'm the most…What does Leo call it? Quick? No, quick and good balance…Yeah, fast. Leo says I'm good with feelings, so if you're sad or need a hug, I'm your turtle."

"Agile," Leo put in helpfully.

"Yeah! That's the word," Mikey grinned.

Karai offered a dim smile, then carefully pried Mikey off her, the smile becoming an awkward grimace.

Mikey's face fell. "Oh…Sorry," he said sadly. "I just thought to make you feel welcome."

Karai shook her head. "I'm just not used to it. It's really not personal. Another thing to blame the Shredder for." She patted Mikey's shoulder as a consolation prize.

Mikey nodded but was still sad. "I think I get it. Well, you're with us now. Maybe you'll like them after you get a few."

Raph cut in. "She likes hugs from Leo. Maybe it is personal."

Karai hissed at Raph. "No. It's not. Those are different."

"Ha. I bet," Raph smirked.

"Raph," Leo cut in, "why don't you give an introduction, since you're already antagonizing her?"

Mikey looked confused. Leo stood and patted his head. "It's not personal. Don't listen to Raph. I think she'll come around, too, once she understands hugs are your thing." He resumed his seat.

Mikey's face brightened in understanding as he returned to his seat while Raph talked to Karai.

"Karai, you already know me. Leo says I'm tactless. I say I tell it like it is. I have the shortest fuse of the group. I've been known to break things when angry. Fighting, especially free-for-alls, makes me happy."

"But he's a total softie, as you saw with Sensei," Mikey smirked, as Raph whacked him on the head.

Mikey punched Raph in the chest, and a brawl began. Leo rolled his eyes and sighed in a long-suffering way. Karai noted this as everyone watched the fight. This one ended quickly with Mikey on his shell and Raph straddling his chest. Karai glanced at Leo, then wrapped her tail around Raph and dragged him off Mikey, setting him next to a pile of hay. She held out a hand to Mikey, who grabbed it and sat up. She let go and Mikey climbed to his feet. "Thanks, sis," he grinned happily, holding out his arms to hug her.

Karai stood on her tail and embraced Mikey gently. He squeezed her tightly, but let go quickly. She tightened her hold for about the same length of time he had and sat back next to Leo. Mikey did a victory dance back to his seat, humming to himself contentedly.

"Thanks, Karai," Leo agreed. "You saved me some routine work."

"Guess she can be Leo's deputy, then," Donnie commented. "I think you're having a good effect on her, Leo."

Leo shrugged.

"I suppose it's my turn." Donnie approached Karai and shook her hand. "I'm the resident scientist and inventor. I guess I'm more a lover than a fighter. I mostly train because I recognize its usefulness for defensive purposes. I like to read, watch educational documentaries that Leo and April sometimes watch with me, and I enjoy math. Oh, and Sensei and I are the ones who deal with the medical side of combat. Injuries."

Karai nodded thoughtfully. "I don't think we have much in common, then. You mentioned O'Neil. Are you close to her?"

"We're good friends, yes," Donnie answered politely. "She's about as academic as I am."

"Sorry to hear romance didn't work out for you," Karai said, finding she actually meant it..

"I tried and failed, but at least I know it wasn't workable," Donnie said. "I've always preferred knowledge to ignorance, after all. Maybe one day, I'll meet a mutant who likes me for all of me."

"Good luck," Karai smiled. "Really. No sarcasm."

"Thanks." Donnie smiled back before sitting down again.

"I'm still swearing off women," Raph muttered. "But hey, maybe Leo and Karai will change my mind."

"What? He doesn't like women?" Karai asked Leo.

"No. You know he does. He just thinks the romance aspect is hazardous to one's health. Changes personalities, makes people 'weak and stupid.' His exact words."

"I used to think that, too. But then I met you. Like I said, this is all your fault."

"Is it bad that I'm not particularly guilty about it? If I'm being honest, I'm rather proud."

Karai hit Leo in the shoulder with one of her hands. He stiffened, but his face remained impassive. She coiled as though preparing to strike. Leo stood and prepared himself. When she lunged at him, he dodged, and ducked instinctively as her tail came up to hit him in the chest. He made a grab for her neck but she evaded. She came at him again, but this time, he climbed onto some hay and dove at her from above. Realizing her predicament, she tried to change direction, but it was a fraction too late as Leo's hand closed over the back of her neck.

Draping her upper body over his forearm, he climbed off the hay pile and sat on it. Karai positioned herself to slide along his arm and the brothers saw her bend her neck to lick his palm. Leo chuckled at the slightly ticklish sensation. The turtles saw her lick his fingers, take one in her mouth, then two at once. They watched as Leo's eyes closed in enjoyment and contentment. Karai let go of his hand and supported herself on her coils, looking smug and satisfied. Leo opened his eyes, saw her proud posture, and gave her a half-smile. "Yes, I guess you've won."

"We both have."

Raph rolled his eyes. "How can you enjoy that, Leo? She was licking you."

Leo grimaced. "Way to ruin the moment. Just one more thing to hate about romance. Things that are normally disgusting somehow become quite appealing."

"Ugh." Raph shook his head.

Mikey was clueless but Donnie actually did understand where Leo was coming from.

"Karai," Leo said. "I haven't forgotten why we're here. You still haven't said what you meant to say."

Karai actually started in surprise. "Oh yeah. I just…" She looked determinedly at the turtles. "I know I've endangered your lives, tried to kill you, tricked you into taking me to your lair, knocked Leo out a couple of times. I created the Kraang monster, attacked you when I first mutated. I'm sure I'm forgetting something. I…I regret how I've treated you guys. I wanted to apologize, say…" She glanced at Leo, who smiled encouragingly. She took a deep breath. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. For everything I've done as Oroku Karai."

Raph blinked. Donnie smiled. Mikey grinned.

"You did it for love," Mikey crooned.

"What?" said Raph incredulously. "She tried to kill Leo. And April, too. How is anything she did remotely love?"

"Because, bro," Mikey said in exasperation, wondering why Raph didn't understand something so obvious, "she loved Leo. When she hated him, it was because she still loved him. Whatever she did to us, it was because of him and to get to him, to be close to him. She used us as bait, but she didn't really want to hurt us. Except maybe the Kraang monster. I'm guessing at that time, she didn't really care about us or Leo. Everything else, though, for love. Of course, I could be wrong." He looked sheepishly at Karai.

"Mikey's really perceptive, isn't he?" she asked Leo.

"He's the most emotionally intelligent person I know. It's scary. He knows exactly what to say, what to do, and when not to say and do. At least, when it comes to feelings. Every other time, he's pretty much a loose cannon. So don't tell him anything you want to keep secret. Just as fair warning."

"Understood and noted. Thank you," Karai smiled.

Leo grinned. "So now I get a 'thank you.' This gets better and better. Saying 'sorry' will get easier, too." He winked teasingly.

"I'm losing my touch," Karai lamented.

"Nah, dudette. It'll come back when you need it. Anyway, I forgive you."

Donnie nodded in agreement. "No harm was actually done, so I can forgive you, too."

Raph looked at Karai a long moment. Finally, he said, "Be good to Leo. If you break his heart, I'll break your neck."

Karai smirked. "You'd better not. If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me."

"I'm serious, Karai."

"I know. So am I. But revenge is something I understand. I hear your terms loud and clear. I accept them on the condition that I'm allowed to defend myself. That includes explaining what happened. 'Cause I'm sure I'll hurt Leo. I doubt I'll break his heart, but I'll probably bruise it."

"Sounds fair," Raph nodded.

"Shake on it?" Karai extended a hand.

"Leo?" Raph asked. "Does this deal seem okay? It's about you, after all."

"It is between you two, though she is our sister. I would prefer that you don't kill her."

"Hmmm. I suppose I'll have to find some other body part to break."

"Breaking an arm is nonlethal," Karai suggested. "And broken hearts can mend."

"Done." Raph shook her hand.

"So…They're allies?" Donnie asked.

"She's been accepted onto the team," Leo affirmed.

"What about April?"

"Yes, what about her?" Splinter asked, joining the turtles.

"Hi, Sensei," Leo said cheerily. "Donnie's wondering if April accepts Karai on the team. We're getting to know each other."

"I believe she does," Splinter nodded. "I just spoke to her and she said she views Miwa as family and would like to know her better."

"Ah, excellent. And what do you think of having Karai as my second-in-command?"

"Pardon? I am afraid you have confused me. Can you elaborate?"

Mikey blinked. "What?"

Donnie coughed. "Sensei's asking for more info."

"Oh. Thanks." Mikey smiled sheepishly.

Leo nodded. "Sure. I'd like someone who could function as a designated substitute and next in line in the case of my death in battle. This way, the team isn't left adrift. Another reason the position would be advantageous to me is the ability to relax once in a while.

"Karai has some leadership experience in the Foot. I'm sure the policies were different there, but the point is she knows something of what she's getting into. The guys accept her. She broke up a fight between Raph and Mikey without harming anyone. She survived the invasion better than I did. I think she is qualified."

"It would seem asking my opinion is a mere formality," Splinter said seriously.

"Negative," Leo said. "You are leader of the clan so this is a proposition. I merely wish to show that the groundwork has been laid should it be approved."

Mikey whispered to Donnie. "I can never be leader. How does Leo talk like that? So…like…business."

"Formal?" Donnie chuckled. "It's easy. He reads a lot. And I do mean reads. Literature and nonfiction. In short, he's smart."

"Oh."

Splinter thought it over. "The idea is sound. You have much responsibility to carry. If you ensure it is carried, whether by you or someone competent, things should still function efficiently. Just remember to still be available should Miwa need you. And you should probably still lead patrols. They are too serious to make unnecessary mistakes with. Miwa can deal with day-to-day operations when you need time off."

"Acknowledged," Leo nodded. "Thanks, Sensei. I think it'll help a lot."

"Whose idea was it?"

Everyone looked at Karai.

Splinter smiled. "Leonardo, you are a lucky young man. She is a wise young woman. Why I did not come up with the idea is beyond me."

"Probably because I happened to complain to her about wanting time off rather than you," Leo answered. "And she had to drag it out of me. She said there was nothing wrong with needing a break sometimes and offered to pick up the slack."

"Perhaps Miwa was taken from me in order to give her to you," Splinter said thoughtfully. "Had she been raised with me, your relationship would be different."

Karai looked thoughtful as well. "I'd have had a very different life, but what I know now and who I am now seems to be what Leo needs. And the same goes for him. Because he was raised by you, he had the right values to reach me like no one could before. I think it was meant to be."

"Does that mean we owe the Shredder something?" Leo asked uncomfortably.

"Maybe some mercy," Splinter answered. "But not too much. Because he won't reciprocate."

"Okay. I guess that means we don't try to kill him as a first resort. I hope we don't regret this."

"If he so much as looks at one of us the wrong way, he's getting no mercy from me," Raph growled.

Karai nodded. "Same here. He's just going to take advantage of your hesitation. It'd be safer if you just tried to kill him as soon as possible, but I know you and Father can't do that. Too much honor. That's what Raph and I are for, I guess. Raph especially would be able to kill him without guilt, if he manages it at all. I guess we'll have to help him do it indirectly."

Splinter blinked. "Miwa, how are you so casual about this kind of battle planning? You have no love for the Shredder?"

"Do you? I mean, come on." She waved a hand to Leo's cane. "Do I have to list all the atrocities he's committed against our family? Plus the fact he lied to me my entire life? No, I have no love for him. Why waste compassion on someone who won't appreciate it? Besides, you and Leo may not survive next time."

Splinter stroked his chin contemplatively. "You are right, Miwa. I miss Saki. I probably always will. But the Shredder. He is not Saki. Saki is no more. We should take no chances with the Shredder. When he and I meet again, I must intend to kill. I think there can be no other outcome."

Leo bowed his head in acceptance. Saki was the original person. The Shredder was the new one. Yes, they were the same person, but much like Karai, the old person was dead. Leo could feel pity for Splinter's former friend and brother. So much sorrow. But to be wary of the Shredder and consider him an enemy was the only prudent course. Leo nodded to Splinter and Karai in understanding. "No mercy," he said with finality.

"Now that that's worked out, why don't we go back to the house? I think we're done here," Raph suggested.

Everyone followed Splinter to the living room. April and Casey were there.

"Anyone hungry?" Mikey asked. "Almost lunch time."

"Yeah. How about pasta?" Casey suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Leo answered.

"Good here," Raph agreed.

It was unanimous.

As Mikey was making the pasta, Karai came into the kitchen. "Mikey, you think you have time to introduce me to your cat? Is she skittish? Timid?"

"Skittish?" asked Mikey.

"Yeah. You know. Does she scare easily?"

"Nah. She's pretty curious. I can hook you up, yeah." He moved from stirring the boiling pasta to the fridge, opening the freezer. Karai flanked him and the cat mewed. "Hey there, Ice Cream Kitty," Mikey cooed, licking her head. "There's a new member of the family. She's our sister, Master Splinter's blood daughter. Meet Karai, also called Miwa."

Karai reached out a hand to pat the cat, who backed away, hissing.

"Awww, come on. Don't be like that. She won't bite. She's a good mutant."

"It's okay," Karai said, reaching to shut the door. "Maybe it's because I'm a snake, or she senses that I'm tainted by the Foot. In the wild, we're rivals. Snakes kill cats and the other way around. If I need anything from the freezer, I can just ask one of you to get it for me."

"Nah. What if we're not here? Now I remember, Ice Cream Kitty was kind of nervous around Sensei, too. But they're okay now. Let me try again." Mikey opened the freezer once more and stroked the cat soothingly. "Come on, Ice Cream Kitty. You know I wouldn't introduce you to anyone dangerous. Give her a chance? For me?"

The cat mewed and let Karai touch her head this time.

"Great. See? She's safe," Mikey reassured the cat.

The cat licked Karai's hand and drew back inside her home. Mikey shut the door.

"There. Now you guys have met in the right way. You should talk to her once in a while. Just say hi and stuff and pat her. She'll get used to you like that."

"She seems to understand you, or at least your tone of voice," Karai commented.

"Yeah. I can always count on her to cheer me up when I'm down." He checked on his pasta, stabbing some with a fork and tasting it. "Mmm. Perfect." He turned off the burner. "I gotta get back to work. Unless you're helping, either stay out of the way or wait outside, please."

"One question," Karai said, as Mikey drained the pasta at the sink and poured ice water over it. "Do you mind cooking for everyone? No one seemed to object to you doing everything."

"I love to cook. And I'm the best at it. It's not that my bros can't cook…Well, Casey and Raph can't. Don't eat anything they make. The kitchen is mine. April helps me a lot, but Leo and Sensei do okay, too. People enjoy what I make and I never have to clean up after meals. So it's cool."

"Oh. I can't cook, I'm afraid. So I'll get out of your way. I was afraid they were being inconsiderate."

"Nope. It's tradition already, and I truly don't resent them. I'm happy to cook for everyone. Makes me feel good that people like it. I mess up so much else."

Karai frowned in concern. "Well, thanks for the food. It smells good. I'll see you soon." She left the kitchen and sat around the table with the rest of the family, still seeming downcast.

Leo nodded to her and noticed her gloomy expression. "Something wrong?"

"Sort of," Karai answered. "I met Ice Cream Kitty. She was scared of me at first, but Mikey got her to let me touch her. She knows I'm not a threat now. But Mikey says he messes up a lot, so cooking is something he takes a lot of pride in. I guess I feel bad for him if he feels inadequate."

"Mikey does tend to make a lot of messes. Generally, he doesn't do it on purpose, though sometimes, he does. He doesn't really think of consequences, you see. But that same penchant for chaos sometimes works in our favor, especially if he's targeting enemies."

"I see. How do you guys put up with his accidental mistakes?"

"We usually get annoyed and yell at him. It just takes longer for some than for others to get to that point. It hurts Mikey, but at the same time, I think he gets why we're angry. I tend to feel badly about yelling at him, but in the heat of the moment, the anger just takes over."

Karai nodded in understanding. "I guess if he's not going to change his ways, he can expect to get yelled at periodically."

"Pretty much."

The smell of tomato sauce wafted into the dining room and everyone anticipated a great meal. The pasta was already served on plates and everyone got up to claim one. When everyone was served with either juice or water, Mikey took his seat and the family ate together.

The team was complete. Everyone was important; everyone had a role and each person impacted the entire group. The teenagers, both mutant and human, were linked voluntarily and pragmatically, and this made them a stronger unit than before. No matter what the future held, no one would be left behind.


End file.
